In the long and sordid history of what makes a person attractive, we’ve worshipped brawn, wealth, and the ability to grow a passable mustache. But in 2025, a new trait has officially taken the top spot in the dating marketplace: emotional intelligence (EQ).

Yes, dear reader, it turns out the sexiest thing a person can do is not bench press 300 pounds or own a yacht—it’s handling a disagreement without turning into a toddler in a business suit.

What Is Emotional Intelligence, and Why Is It Suddenly Hot?

Once upon a time—by which we mean, the 2010s—relationships were a grim battleground of overanalysis. "Are we exclusive? Should we keep talking to other people? Should we split the check? What does their therapist say about me?"

Love, somehow, became homework. But now, a refreshing new movement is sweeping the dating world: pleasure-centered love.

Gone are the days when ‘hard work’ was the gold standard for a good relationship. Instead, people are now asking, "What if my relationship made me feel good?" Shocking, right?

By now, we’ve all encountered the ghostly wisp of a relationship known as a ‘situationship.’

That liminal space between ‘we’re seeing each other’ and ‘I just liked your Instagram story but haven’t texted back in three days’—a territory fraught with ambiguity, emotional whiplash, and, let’s be honest, bad communication.

But fear not, weary daters, and gentle readers, because a new sheriff is in town: intentional dating.

What is Intentional Dating, and Why is It Trending?

Nowadays self-actualization is often portrayed as a solo journey (cue the self-help gurus and their endless listicles).

The Michelangelo Phenomenon reminds us that we are, at our core, communal creatures. Our most intimate relationships don’t just comfort us—they shape us.

And like any sculpting process, the outcome depends on the skill, vision, and patience of the hands involved.

This blog post will take you on a journey through the history, psychology, and real-world impact of the Michelangelo Phenomenon.

Buckle up—this is love, but with chisels.

In the great digital petri dish of social media, neurodiverse relationships are evolving in ways both fascinating and only occasionally mildly dystopian.

It turns out, when you connect billions of people through glowing rectangles, strange and wonderful things happen. Some of those things, miraculously, are even good. Others? A grand social experiment in real-time identity formation.

The Great Gathering of the Neurodivergent Tribes

Once upon a time, neurodivergent souls had to navigate the minefield of social interaction in person, where things like "eye contact" and "tone of voice" could make or break an entire relationship.

But now, thanks to the magic of the Internet, there exist sprawling digital landscapes where one can build meaningful relationships through memes, Discord servers, and long, heartfelt Twitter threads about executive dysfunction.

Welcome to the algorithmic family.

Once upon a time, families fought about curfews and who got the last slice of pizza. Now, they fight about excessive screen time, doomscrolling, and why Dad keeps posting Minion memes on Facebook.

Welcome to the 21st century, where social media has rewritten the rules of human interaction, including the delicate ecosystem of family life.

As a couples therapist, I watch social media function as both a relationship catalyst and a nuclear device. What once passed for passive-aggressive holiday dinners has been refined into a digital art form—subtweets, vaguebooking, and emoji-laden guilt trips.

But before we all resign ourselves to dystopian family group chats, let's examine three ways social media is reshaping family therapy and how we might, against all odds, still survive it.

Individual growth plays a critical role in the success and longevity of romantic relationships. When both partners commit to personal development, they not only enhance their own well-being but also contribute positively to the partnership.

Research underscores the importance of continuous learning, emotional intelligence, and self-efficacy in fostering resilient and fulfilling relationships.

Fostering a Growth Mindset

Adopting a growth mindset—the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed—encourages continuous learning and adaptability.

In relationships, this mindset helps partners perceive challenges as opportunities for mutual growth, leading to more constructive interactions and greater relational satisfaction (Dweck, 2006).

When couples embrace the idea that their relationship is dynamic rather than fixed, they become more willing to engage in conflict resolution and long-term commitment.

Congratulations! You’ve entered a long-term relationship, which means you’ve voluntarily signed up for an ongoing collaborative project with another human being, one that involves constant adjustments, occasional malfunctions, and the ever-present threat of obsolescence.

Many people assume that once they find “the one,” love should work automatically, like a self-cleaning oven or a Roomba.

This is somewhat incorrect. Love is more like an operating system, prone to crashes if left unpatched.

So today, let’s talk about why relationships are dynamic systems, not static agreements, and why treating them as such is the key to keeping them alive.

Imagine, if you will, a small, fragile human, recently emerged from the womb, utterly unqualified for independent survival.

This creature has no built-in Wi-Fi, no pre-installed navigation system, and, bafflingly, does not even come with a manual.

The responsibility of ensuring its emotional and psychological well-being falls upon caregivers, those overworked, caffeine-dependent beings who, through a series of biological trickery and social contracts, have agreed to raise another human without destroying it in the process.

But fear not, because modern science has gifted us two magnificent, evidence-based interventions for secure attachment and trauma recovery:

Attachment and Biobehavioral Catch-Up (ABC) – A sleek, 10-week behavioral upgrade for caregivers.

Child–Parent Psychotherapy (CPP) – A deep, exploratory therapy designed to repair attachment damage from past trauma.

Both claim to fortify the fragile caregiver-child relationship, but which should you choose?

Anthony Bourdain, the patron saint of the beautifully broken, believed that the kitchen was not merely a place of labor but a stage for presence, discipline, and deep human connection.

Mindfulness, though not a term he often used outright, infused every aspect of his philosophy—whether he was reverently slicing shallots or recounting war stories from the bowels of Manhattan’s restaurant scene.

Cooking, for Bourdain, was not just about feeding people; it was about being fully there, attuned to the moment, respecting the ingredients, the history, and—most importantly—the people across the table.

Kitchen Sinking is a combative strategy where you throw all the complaints you have about your partner in breathless run-on sentences, hoping to overwhelm them by the sheer force of your moral authority.

It’s inherently disrespectful, and it never works…but that doesn’t stop the behavior...

There is an ancient, primal impulse buried deep in the human psyche: the need to win an argument. Not just any argument, but all arguments—past, present, and possibly even future ones—rolled into a single, magnificent catastrophe of a conversation.

This impulse, gentle reader, is kitchen sinking, a phrase that evokes exactly what it describes: the fine art of hurling every grievance, slight, and unresolved resentment into an argument until the original point is buried under a mountain of emotional debris.

If you’ve ever started a conversation about household chores and somehow ended up screaming about that vacation in 2017 where someone forgot the rental car reservation, you’ve experienced it firsthand.

So, why do we do it?

And why, despite being wildly ineffective, do we keep doing it?

Buckle up—this is the definitive history of Kitchen Sinking, Kitchen Thinking, and Why We Can’t Seem to Let Things Go.