Intimacy in 2024. In an era when our phones are smarter than we are and our fridges have Wi-Fi, one might think we've mastered the art of connection.

Alas, no.

I've seen that despite (or perhaps because of) all our technological advances, intimacy remains a delicate dance that many stumble through like toddlers at their first ballet recital.

Here’s my 2 cents on the obstacles to intimacy in 2024.

Every marriage has an inherent tension between the need for independence and the desire for intimacy.

Couples therapists call this delicate balance "differentiation."

Differentiation in marriage is all about personal growth while maintaining a close relationship.

As Ellyn Bader puts it, differentiation is "the active, ongoing process of defining self, expressing and activating self, revealing self, clarifying boundaries, and managing the anxiety that comes from risking either more intimacy or potential separation."

Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist and relationship expert, has captured the hearts and minds of many with her insights on love and desire.

One of her most provocative ideas is that "love is not a permanent state of enthusiasm."

While her perspective offers a refreshing departure from the fairy-tale notion of everlasting passion, it is essential to critically examine whether or not this idea may inadvertently capitulate to cultural narcissism.

The best couples therapy dives deep into the human condition, beyond just treating symptoms.

It embraces life's uncertainties and absurdities, encouraging us to face our freedom, isolation, mortality, and quest for meaning.

This journey isn't easy; it demands honesty, courage, and a willingness to truly know oneself.

All in pursuit of reclaiming intimacy in a marriage…

The Zeigarik Effect impacted couples therapy by suggesting that attachment injuries, such as regrettable incidents, and the equally regrettable resentments which follow, are “undelivered plates” which loiter in the kitchen sink of memory.

Collect too many of these undelivered plates, and your kitchen is one inconsolable mess…

Religion often has something to say about best practices in marriage.

In the Baha'i Faith, consultation is a cornerstone of decision-making and conflict resolution, particularly within the context of marriage.

This spiritual and practical approach emphasizes unity, respect, and collective wisdom, fostering harmony and understanding between spouses. Let’s learn more…

The COVID-19 pandemic has significantly reshaped the landscape of couples therapy in the United States, driving both challenges and innovations in how couples therapy is conducted and perceived.

With the onset of the pandemic, couples faced unprecedented stressors, including health anxieties, financial uncertainties, and the pressures of constant togetherness.

Christian couples get a raw deal in secular couples therapy, and Christian couples counseling is often uninformed by science.

Psychotherapy has never been particularly curious about religious faith of any kind.

Most modern therapists do not tend to describe themselves as religious or even particularly spiritual (Bilgrave & Deluty, 2002) and (Smith & Orlinsky, 2004).

As a couples therapist, I often emphasize the transformative power of Generative Conversations.

One particularly impactful method is the Anatol Rapoport Intervention, an integral part of Gottman Theory.

This intervention, rooted in the work of Russian mathematical genius Anatol Rapoport, offers profound insights into improving communication between partners.

Who Was Anatol Rapoport?

Weekly in-person couples therapy may be fading in popularity.

Let’s face it.

Couples have more stuff to do than they have time to do it in.

Recent research shows that couples are experiencing significant stress and attempting to find time to do anything else that matters to them. Here’s what to do instead…

For a relationship to be balanced, partners must be able to depend on one another and feel that they are needed and appreciated for the support they give.

Trying to find change in marriage by only focusing on changing your partner can prevent you from influencing each other and achieving a deeper intimacy. Let’s jump in!

Ever feel like you’re banging your head against a wall trying to change your partner's annoying habits?

Breaking 2024 research tells us that many popular methods for changing behavior don’t work as well as we'd like.

But don't lose hope just yet—science has some answers!