The Role of Individual Growth in Relationship Success
Saturday, March 8, 2025.
Individual growth plays a critical role in the success and longevity of romantic relationships. When both partners commit to personal development, they not only enhance their own well-being but also contribute positively to the partnership.
Research underscores the importance of continuous learning, emotional intelligence, and self-efficacy in fostering resilient and fulfilling relationships.
Fostering a Growth Mindset
Adopting a growth mindset—the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed—encourages continuous learning and adaptability.
In relationships, this mindset helps partners perceive challenges as opportunities for mutual growth, leading to more constructive interactions and greater relational satisfaction (Dweck, 2006).
When couples embrace the idea that their relationship is dynamic rather than fixed, they become more willing to engage in conflict resolution and long-term commitment.
Enhancing Self-Efficacy
Self-efficacy, or our belief in our ability to achieve goals, plays a crucial role in both our personal and relational well-being.
According to Bandura (1997), high self-efficacy promotes proactive behaviors, such as effective communication and problem-solving.
In relationships, partners with greater self-efficacy are more likely to take responsibility for their actions, work collaboratively to resolve conflicts, and maintain emotional stability during stressful situations.
Supporting a Partner’s Aspirations
The Michelangelo phenomenon describes how folks can help shape their partners into their ideal selves through affirmation and encouragement (Drigotas, Rusbult, Wieselquist, & Whitton, 1999).
When partners actively support each other's aspirations, they foster a relationship characterized by mutual growth and validation. This dynamic strengthens emotional connection and deepens commitment, making relationships more fulfilling over time.
Building Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence—the ability to recognize, regulate, and respond to emotions effectively—is a key predictor of relational success (Goleman, 1995). Research suggests that folks with high emotional intelligence demonstrate greater empathy, improved conflict resolution skills, and stronger relationship satisfaction
The Role of Individual Growth in Relationship Success: Why You Should Probably Get Your Act Together
Relationships, in their most basic form, are just two people bumbling through life together, hopefully without causing too much collateral damage.
The good ones—healthy, long-lasting ones—aren’t built on grand romantic gestures or some cosmic alignment of the stars. They’re built on personal growth, because, let’s face it, nobody enjoys being shackled to a stagnant lump of a human.
The more you grow, the better your relationship gets. Science backs this up, and since science tends to be right about most things (except when it changes its mind), we should probably pay attention.
Fostering a Growth Mindset: Because "This Is Just Who I Am" Won’t Cut It
If you go through life thinking you’re a finished product, congratulations—you’re wrong.
According to Dweck (2006), people with a growth mindset believe they can improve through effort, while those with a fixed mindset assume they’re stuck as they are.
One of these groups thrives in relationships, and the other ends up bickering over whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher. Growth-oriented couples see problems as solvable rather than as signs that doom is imminent. They adapt, learn, and, most importantly, resist the urge to weaponize past arguments like a courtroom prosecutor.
Self-Efficacy: The Magic of Actually Believing You Can Do Things
Ever notice how some people seem to handle life’s curveballs like Olympic gymnasts while others flail like inflatable tube men in a car dealership lot? That’s self-efficacy—the belief in your own ability to tackle problems (Bandura, 1997).
High self-efficacy means you’re less likely to collapse into a puddle of self-pity when relationship issues arise. Instead, you roll up your sleeves and fix things. Meanwhile, low self-efficacy leads to a parade of helplessness, punctuated by statements like, “I can’t help it, I just get really mad sometimes.”
The Michelangelo Phenomenon: Sculpting Each Other Into Slightly Better Humans
Drigotas et al. (1999) introduced the Michelangelo phenomenon, which, despite sounding like an art history lecture, is actually about how partners help each other become their ideal selves.
The idea is simple: a supportive partner encourages growth, rather than stifling it like an overwatered houseplant. The opposite, unfortunately, is also true. If your significant other treats your ambitions like an inconvenient hobby, congratulations—you’re dating a wet blanket.
Emotional Intelligence: Because Having the Emotional Range of a Potato is a Problem
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is one of those things people assume they have in abundance—like a good sense of humor or the ability to parallel park. The truth, according to Goleman (1995), is that EQ is a learned skill that allows people to navigate emotions effectively.
Couples with high EQ communicate better, resolve conflict without reenacting battle scenes from Game of Thrones, and recognize when their partner just needs a snack. Those with low EQ? Well, they mistake sarcasm for affection and believe “just calm down” is a viable conflict resolution strategy.
Healthy Competition: How to Be Proud of Your Partner Without Resenting Their Success
Rusbult and Van Lange (2003) discuss the role of interdependence in relationships, which means—brace yourself—celebrating your partner’s success rather than treating it as a personal insult. If your partner gets a promotion, the correct response is, “That’s amazing, I’m proud of you!” rather than, “Great, now I look like a loser.”
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual encouragement, while insecure ones fester in silent resentment and competitive tally-keeping.
Balancing Autonomy and Connection: Because Nobody Wants a Stage-Five Clinger
Deci and Ryan (2000) introduced self-determination theory, which explains why autonomy (having control over your own life) and relatedness (feeling connected to others) must be in balance.
When one person in a relationship starts suffocating the other with neediness or, conversely, behaving like a rogue spy who reports to no one, problems arise. A functional relationship is a delicate dance between “I love you” and “Please let me breathe.”
Breaking Bad Habits: Because "That’s Just How I Am" is a Weak Excuse
Baumeister and Tierney (2011) argue that willpower and self-regulation are key to improving oneself.
This is relevant in relationships because, contrary to popular belief, bad habits do not become charming personality quirks just because someone loves you. Slamming doors when angry? Still obnoxious. Interrupting constantly? Still rude.
Expecting your partner to read your mind? Still unreasonable. Change is possible, and, shockingly, even desirable.
The evidence is clear: if you want a relationship that doesn’t resemble a slow-motion train wreck, you should probably invest in your own personal growth.
That means adopting a growth mindset, building self-efficacy, sculpting your best self, developing emotional intelligence, and resisting the urge to compete with your partner like an insecure middle schooler.
In short: be better, and your relationship will be better. Science says so.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Baumeister, R. F., & Tierney, J. (2011). Willpower: Rediscovering the greatest human strength. Penguin Press.
Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W. H. Freeman.
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The "what" and "why" of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327965PLI1104_01
Drigotas, S. M., Rusbult, C. E., Wieselquist, J., & Whitton, S. W. (1999). The Michelangelo phenomenon: Partner affirmation and self-movement toward one’s ideal self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77(2), 293–323. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.77.2.293
Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books.
Rusbult, C. E., & Van Lange, P. A. M. (2003). Interdependence, interaction, and relationships. Annual Review of Psychology, 54, 351–375. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.54.101601.145059