So you’re scrolling through Instagram, seeing one perfect relationship post after another.

Happy couples on exotic vacations, surprise gifts, candle-lit dinners.

It’s enough to make anyone wonder if their own relationship measures up.

But what if I told you that these high expectations, fueled by social media and Hollywood fantasies, might be setting us up for disappointment?

Husband and wife psychologists Arthur and Elaine Aron research how close relationships develop.

Previous research has shown that a history of reciprocally exchanging favors leads to the bestowing of additional favors to their exchange partner, no matter who provided the last favor.

In other words, receiving and bestowing favors builds trust, one of the fundamental building blocks of intimacy. Here’s what you need to know…

Kitchen Sinking is a combative strategy where you throw all the complaints you have about your partner in breathless run-on sentences, hoping to overwhelm them by the sheer force of your moral authority.

It’s inherently disrespectful, and it never works…but that doesn’t stop the behavior...

There is no fact of human existence that resonates so profoundly and pervasively through time as Developmental Trauma (aka Complex Trauma).

Developmental Trauma is a pattern of chronic, prolonged childhood abuse and neglect and symptoms of childhood trauma in adulthood impact marriage.

“Giving up your individuality to be together is as defeating in the long run as giving up your relationship to maintain your individuality. Either way, you end up being less of a person with less of a relationship.” Dr. David Schnarch.

Research into attachment style compatibility highlights the most challenging combination for personal relationships, revealing that the Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles are the least compatible.

But isn’t this sort of armchair astrology playing God? I strongly condemn the trend of identifying the “worst” attachment style combination…

Social science has cracked the code of intimacy.

It can be accelerated. It is unfortunate that we know how to do this.

Because with this knowledge, technology, capital, and social science will continue to build a myriad of platforms to monetize opportunities for being vulnerable and receiving validation (and titillation) from perfect strangers…

Heidi Keller's critique of Attachment Theory, as detailed in her 2022 book "The Myth of Attachment Theory," offers a scientifically sound contrarian analysis that delves deep into the cultural and contextual factors influencing attachment patterns.

In this post, I will explore a few concepts from Keller's book and their implications for the practice of couples therapy…

The Solomon Asch conformity experiments stand as a testament to the powerful influence of social dynamics on individual behavior.

Renowned psychologist Solomon Asch conducted a series of experiments to explore how the behavior of those around them shapes people's opinions.

What did he find?

On the couples therapy couch, I sometimes see the dynamic between a narcissist and someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD).

This can significantly impact their relationship.. and future intimacy for meaningful intimacy for their children….

Let’s discuss the intricacies of this dynamic and how it shapes the familial landscape, drawing insights from a family therapist's perspective...

Understanding the nuances between connection and attachment is pivotal in romantic relationships.

These terms often intermingle, yet they represent distinct aspects of relational dynamics.

Relationship thought leaders and empirical research shed light on the disparity between romantic connection and attachment, unraveling the complexities that underlie successful partnerships…

Material deprivation, a crucial concept in both sociology and economics, refers to the inability of humans or households to afford basic goods and services necessary for an adequate standard of living.

It encompasses various dimensions such as lack of access to adequate housing, nutritious food, healthcare, education, and essential utilities like water and electricity.

This deprivation can severely impact human well-being, opportunities, and overall quality of life…