Intentional Dating: The End of the Situationship Era?

Saturday, March 8, 2025.

By now, we’ve all encountered the ghostly wisp of a relationship known as a ‘situationship.’

That liminal space between ‘we’re seeing each other’ and ‘I just liked your Instagram story but haven’t texted back in three days’—a territory fraught with ambiguity, emotional whiplash, and, let’s be honest, bad communication.

But fear not, weary daters, and gentle readers, because a new sheriff is in town: intentional dating.

What is Intentional Dating, and Why is It Trending?

Intentional dating is the radical (and yet, completely logical) idea that when people date, they should have a purpose.

Not necessarily marriage, not necessarily 2.5 kids and a Labrador, but some idea of where things are going. It is, in essence, dating with clarity, self-awareness, and—hold onto your swiping fingers—actual conversation about expectations.

This movement is a backlash against the freewheeling, commitment-phobic culture of the past decade, which, ironically, produced record levels of loneliness and dissatisfaction in romantic life (Twenge, 2023).

It turns out that just vibing indefinitely doesn’t build secure relationships. Who knew?

Situationships vs. Intentional Dating: A Study in Contrast

Situationships, as it turns out, are less about a fear of commitment and more about a fear of disappointing someone (Finkel, 2017).

They thrive in the era of ambiguity, where no one wants to be ‘too much’ or ‘ask for too much,’ so they just keep things undefined—forever.

Researchers have found that relationships lacking clear commitment tend to have lower levels of satisfaction and higher levels of anxiety (Stanley et al., 2020).

Intentional dating, by contrast, thrives on clarity and security.

A 2022 study on modern dating patterns found that partners who communicate expectations early in a relationship report significantly higher levels of satisfaction and emotional well-being (Eastwick et al., 2022).

Simply put: knowing where you stand with someone makes for a much saner love life.

The Science Behind Why Intentional Dating Works

The effectiveness of intentional dating is rooted in basic human psychology.

Attachment Theory suggests that Secure Attachment (as opposed to anxious or avoidant attachment) leads to healthier relationships (Bowlby, 1988). Intentional daters are effectively hacking their relationships to encourage security rather than fostering confusion.

Moreover, decision-making research indicates that when people delay defining a relationship, they experience more decision fatigue (Baumeister, 2019).

The constant ‘what are we?’ loop is mentally draining. By deciding early on what kind of relationship they want, intentional daters avoid the exhaustion of ambiguity.

Who’s Leading the Charge?

Surprisingly, Gen Z seems to be spearheading this shift. Having grown up watching millennials get burned by ‘chill’ dating culture, they are opting for direct, upfront communication. Dating apps have even started adjusting, with features that allow users to specify what they’re looking for: long-term relationships, short-term fun, or ‘please let me know what you want before I develop trust issues.’

Is Intentional Dating Just the New ‘Marriage-Oriented Dating’?

Not necessarily.

While some people are using intentional dating as a way to move toward marriage faster, others simply want to date in a way that respects their time and emotions. Intentional dating is about having open conversations early on, rather than waiting six months to find out that one partner never wanted anything serious in the first place.

How to Start Dating Intentionally (Without Sounding Like a Contract Lawyer)

• Know What You Want. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, how will anyone else?

• Communicate Early. You don’t have to give a TED Talk on commitment on date one, but setting the tone early prevents unnecessary heartbreak.

• Be Okay With People Who Don’t Match Your Goals. If someone wants to keep things vague forever, that’s fine—for them. You’re just not obligated to go along for the ride.

• Use Your Words. Ambiguity breeds confusion. Intentional dating requires some good old-fashioned talking.

Conclusion: The End of the Situationship?

While situationships will always exist (some people thrive in the chaos), the growing popularity of intentional dating suggests that many are done with the emotional uncertainty of the undefined romance.

The numbers suggest that clarity leads to better relationships, and who doesn’t want that?

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Baumeister, R. F. (2019). The power of bad: How the negativity effect rules us and how we can rule it. Penguin Random House.

Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.

Eastwick, P. W., et al. (2022). "Early relationship expectations and their impact on long-term satisfaction." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 123(2), 345-362.

Finkel, E. J. (2017). The all-or-nothing marriage: How the best marriages work. Dutton.

Stanley, S. M., et al. (2020). "Commitment uncertainty and relationship instability." Journal of Marriage and Family, 82(3), 689-707.

Twenge, J. M. (2023). Generations: The real differences between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents—and what they mean for America’s future. Simon & Schuster.