ABOUT

PERSONALLY SPEAKING

My 10 years as Director of Development of a large international group couples therapy practice influenced how credentialed, science-based couples therapies were presented and delivered to high-value clients.

At the time, we advocated for careful assessment and the “intensive” model of couples therapy when neither was particularly popular in the couples therapy practice community in 2013.

At one point, I owned 50% of Couples Therapy Inc.'s common stock. CTI is considered one of the best science-based couples therapy group practices today.

But I cashed out and returned to the breathtaking Berkshires of Western Massachusetts to enjoy a small private practice and conduct marriage and family intensives on a 9-acre secluded retreat.

I now see myself as a Marriage and Family Therapist who happens to do a lot of couples therapy.

I will always be proud of our accomplishments at CTI in changing the field of couples therapy toward a more intensive model.

I wish their new ownership team well in all their future endeavors.

I’d also like to thank my dear friend, and consummate magician, David Reed Brown, who saved much of my original blog from the fires of oblivion.

Working with couples from across the globe is an ongoing privilege for me. I love the diversity that comes with who we love and why.

I want to understand each partner's outlook on life; their sexual orientation, values, ethnicity, culture, and religious and spiritual beliefs, particularly those clients who society tends to marginalize, or who may experience themselves as disenfranchised to some degree.

In stressful situations, people say that I voice the words that others are thinking, but are fearful or uncertain how to express.

I'm pragmatic.

I will use whatever tools are at hand to help my clients.

I want to find out what is going to work for you, especially if it is different than what you imagine might be effective.

 
Daniel Director

I know marriages take work, past failures haunted me until I understood why.

I'm not afraid to use examples from my own past relationships to demonstrate this.

 
Director Office
Therapy Process

I'm a published researcher, a serial entrepreneur, a father, and a grandfather.

I was also a foster parent to three troubled teens over the years.

My work with couples comes from an unapologetic pro-marriage perspective.

That means that whenever possible, I prefer to help you restore and repair your relationship and make it stronger and more resilient.

I am also aware that not all relationships can (or even should) endure.

In those cases, particularly when there are children involved, I believe it is best for the couple to explore the “long game” of how your kids, after bracing for impact, will come to terms with what happened in your marriage.

Divorce is hard on most kids. But there is solid science on how to minimize emotional harm, and promote resilience. I can help with that.

Wherever possible, I really love to work on being prophylactic with managing conflict. I ‘d like to help prevent the disease of disconnection and dysregulation.

 

I admire hard working, resilient couples

Resilient couples recognize that maintaining a strong and healthy relationship is a daily practice of attention bestowed to one another.

I’ll make sure you leave with a teeming toolbox of easy to use interventions.

I have a passion for couples therapy, and I'm eclectic theoretically.

I've completed Levels I, II, and III of the Gottman Method Couples Therapy and an Externship in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.

I've also completed the advanced EFT Core Skills training.

My training in Discernment Counseling was completed while I was completing a year-long internship working with distressed couples using the Bader-Pearson Developmental Model.

This was in addition to my work at the time as co-founder and Director of Development of a major international couples therapy practice.

Office

My practice values follow the science

I tend to take a marriage-friendly approach although we all know that not all marriages or relationships can, or should be, saved.

In some couples, one partner is leaning out of the relationship while the other wants to save it. I use a process developed by Dr. Bill Doherty called “discernment counseling” to help these couples decide end their relationship, put full effort toward couples counseling., or kick the can down the road for the time being.

For couples choosing to end their relationship, and who have children, I offer coaching to locate appropriate resources to assist with managing this life transition with the interests of their children firmly in mind. This is the role of a marriage and family therapist.

In my practice of couples therapy, I rely heavily on the ideas of Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Sue Johnson.

Training matters

I have a Masters (MA) in Marriage and Family Therapy from Antioch of New England, and a Master’s (MS) in Labor Studies from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst.

In terms of specific couples therapy training, I’ve completed the 3rd level of intensive training through the Gottman Institute on two distinct occasions; the first with John Gottman in Seattle in the fall of 2017, and once again in Austin Texas with Dr. Vagdevi Meunier when I accompanied a group of CTI therapist and candidates attending her level 3 training.

This is the final academic training level before entering the certification track.

In emotionally-focused couples therapy, the initial training is called an externship, and it’s conducted over a weekend. I have that level of training, as well as the more rigorous “core skills in EFT training” which is conducted over 5 weekends.

It is the highest level of academic training in the model before entering the EFT certification track.

 

In fact, I've officially completed over 10,000 hours helping couples over the last 10 years for my training.

In 2013, I attended the historic Gottman/Johnson Summit in Seattle.  I've also completed training with Dan Wile, Ph.D., a clinician John Gottman calls: "the greatest living marital therapist."

I spent four glorious days training with Michelle Weiner Davis in Colorado in 2018. She exposed me to fascinating new ideas such as “Couples Therapy for One” and “Hopeful Spouse Coaching.”

Michelle is one of the most important thought leaders in couples therapy today. She has a generous heart, and has been a good friend and mentor to many during tough times.

“Make your interests gradually wider and more impersonal, until bit by bit the walls of the ego recede, and your life becomes increasingly merged in the universal life.” Bertrand Russell

I like what Dr. Bill Doherty said about the craft of couples therapy:

“In the end, we need to cultivate wise couples therapists, not just competent ones.

Wise therapists see the whole context of people's lives, and can reflect openly and deeply on values and broader social forces influencing the profession.

My wisdom will not be the same as yours, but we have to engage one another on the big questions, instead of hiding behind the wizard's veil of clinical neutrality.

The philosopher Alasdair MacIntyre wrote that, in a world that seduces professionals into seeing their work as the delivery of technical services stripped of larger social context and moral meaning, the hallmark of a true profession is a never-ending argument about whether it is being true to its fundamental values, principles, and practices.

In other words, becoming a competent couple therapist is just the beginning of becoming a good couples therapist.” Dr. Bill Doherty

The importance of collaborative supervision with a couples therapy thought leader

I see individuals and couples with the supervision of Kyle D. Killian, Ph.D., LMFT. I’ve been meeting with Kyle, and discussing my cases with him every two weeks for the past 5 years.

 Dr. Killian is a Marriage and Family Therapy thought leader whose books include Interracial Couples, Intimacy & Therapy: Crossing Racial Borders (Columbia University Press), and Intercultural Couples: Exploring Diversity in Intimate Relationships.

I sought Dr. Killian out specifically to ask him to supervise me.

Dr. Killian was the perfect choice, and to my eternal gratitude, he’s been a good friend as well as a wonderful supervisor.

Kyle help me develop not only as a therapist, but also as a thinker and writer.

I also focus on working with couples suffering the impacts of the "pervasive traumas" of life: childhood sexual abuse, car accidents, physical and domestic violence, family alcoholism, serious illness, a sudden death of a loved one, sudden job loss...etc.

My spiritual values also follow the science

I have an abiding curiosity about how faith and belief shape our personal world views… and how we navigate our own pettiness and venality in aspiring to find and hold onto our better angels.

Recently I had the privilege of being tapped by my friend Suzanne Alexander to assist the Baha’i Faith in developing a training program for Local Spiritual Assemblies.

It’s our intention that as this training unfolds, local assemblies will be able to engage with their communities as “marital first responders.”

I’m hoping a model such as this might also work in other faith-based contexts as well.

Research indicates that after 9/11, half of traumatized survivors sought mental health counseling, and the other half preferred faith-based relief.

The reason for my curiosity is this. If you can’t be curious about the architecture of spiritual faith, then how the hell are you going understand a devout couple?

If faith is a lens you see your marriage through, any therapist lacking the curiosity to look through it with you is unworthy of your consideration, in my opinion.

I’ve also had some experience training other therapists.

Recently, I’ve been getting more requests to help train therapists

In February of 2022, I was invited by the LingYu China International Psychology Centre of Canada to present on the best practices for applying the most recent infidelity research to a large, online audience of couples therapist from mainland China, and the Chinese diaspora.

Most nations, these day has a keen interest in the rate of family formation. Recently, the Chinese government also launched a dating app for young Chinese professionals.

I’ve also had a role in providing science-based content for relationship app developers.

Recently I was hired to design 144 couples therapy interventions for a new relationship app.

 

  • This June, the American Family Therapy Academy is holding it’s 45th conference in Baltimore. The conference theme is “Practice-Based Evidence.”

    I’ll be presenting on the clinical assessment of behaviors that could be understood as either neurodiverse or narcissistic, and the use of “rules of thumb” to understand the differences between solipsism, narcissism, and neurodiversity.

  • The conference goals spoke directly to some of my key interests in 2023:

    • How can we, as clinicians, expand and deepen our supportive networks to encourage engagement and action to better serve our clients during these challenging times?

    • What kind of spaces are required for previously marginalized voices to have engage with an interested, receptive audience?

    • What are the best practices for Integrating theory and practice in couples therapy? How can we encourage in our community of practice, a discipline of reading, discussing, and applying research with our clients?

    I am also a member of the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies, AAMFT, and American Family Therapy Academy (AFTA).

 GRAPHICS - CERTIFICATIONS

  • M.A. Antioch University New England. Marriage and Family Therapy. (2016).

    M.S. University of Massachusetts, Amherst. Labor Studies. (2008) Cum Laude

    B.A. Rhode Island College, Providence. Labor Studies. (1991) Cum Laude

  • Marriage and Family Therapist

    Supervisor: Kyle Killian, Ph.D.., LMFT

    Prior Individual & Group Supervision: Michele Weiner Davis, Nancy Knudsen, Grace Chen.

  • Evidence-based Models

    Five Day-Externship

    8 day Core Skills Training

    One year of Supervision

    under EFT-Approved Supervisor

    Advanced Training in the Gottman Method

    Pioneer Valley Couples Training

Couples who work with me…

Couples who work with me tend to do so because they are committed the joy and satisfaction of a renewed partnership.

I offer nothing less than the science of stronger friendships base and a greater sense of relational joy and satisfaction.

Would you like a significant upgrade in your communication skills?

What would your life be like if ordinary conflicts were managed effectively with skill and grace?

Are you willing to take 3 steps back from the abyss and try science instead?

For those of you with little ones, I can help you approach parenting as a team.

My clients are often able to skip the predictable downtick in relationship satisfaction that ordinarily occurs in the first 1-2 years after bringing home a baby.

Let’s have a free half hour phone chat to discuss what you want instead. I’m looking forward to meeting you!

Couple Counseling
Daniel The Therapist

The dilemma of love and work, and the question of balance…

Daniel is a therapist for entrepreneurs and C level business leaders

I have a particular interest in the special challenges of business owners experience in their marriages.

I started, developed, and grew a business over 12 years, so I know from personal experience that entrepreneurs are primarily reliant on the ecology of their mind and emotions.

And men can have a particularly hard time expressing emotions or asking for help. That is why when trouble strikes, I know that timely support for entrepreneurs is crucial in making a difference.

I've always been interested in the dynamics of working life. I have both an undergraduate and graduate degree in Labor Studies from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. I graduated Cum Laude in 2008.

I’m also a published researcher in the field of labor studies. I’ve written extensively about the pitfalls of workplace cultures which degrade due to neglect and value neutrality.

Completing a Masters Program in Marriage and Family Therapy program at Antioch New England Graduate School was a continuation of that interest. 

Sigmund Freud once said that the challenge in life is balancing love and work.  I've become an active student studying both.

PRACTICE VALUES

I believe that the example of intimate relationships you display to your children will echo through time, resonating far into the future.

You are right now, every day, interaction by interaction, modeling and shaping the pattern of how your family loves, or struggles to love, their intimate partners for generations to come. Your misery or your joy and delight will echo through time.

I look forward to working with you toward your joy and delight.