How to Fight Fair Daniel Dashnaw How to Fight Fair Daniel Dashnaw

Gottman Repair Attempts: Love Made Easy

It’s a skill to learn to fight well and repair relationship conflict before they spiral out of control.

It’s one of the goal of science-based couples therapy. The ability to make an effective repair with your life partner is an essential life skill.

Do you find your fights escalating out of control? That pattern, if left unchanged, creates lasting damage to a marriage.

What is a repair attempt?

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How to Fight Fair Daniel Dashnaw How to Fight Fair Daniel Dashnaw

Why Is a Soft Start-Up So Hard? Understanding Reflexive Rudeness, Emotional Regulation, and Mindfulness in Relationships

The concept of a "soft start-up" has become essential for fostering positive interactions and preventing conflicts from spiraling out of control.

Popularized by Dr. John Gottman, a soft start-up involves initiating a conversation in a non-confrontational, gentle manner, which sets the stage for a constructive dialogue.

Despite its well-documented benefits, many folks tell science-based couples therapists that they find it difficult to consistently use a soft start-up, particularly with their life partners.

Why is a soft start-up so hard?

To answer this question, we need to explore the psychological dynamics at play in close relationships, the role of stress, and the importance of emotional regulation and mindfulness.

The comfort zone paradox: why do we save our worst for our best?

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Blanket Fight: The cozy conflict that reveals the four corners of power and agency in relationships

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a blanket fight with your partner? You know, those late-night skirmishes where one of you ends up with all the covers, leaving the other shivering in the cold?

This seemingly trivial battle has not only become a viral meme but also a revealing metaphor for the dynamics of power and agency in intimate relationships.

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How to Fight Fair Daniel Dashnaw How to Fight Fair Daniel Dashnaw

Why Healthy Disagreements Matter

Couples that argue but don't break up often evoke clinical curiosity.

Contrary to the myth of the perfect relationship, where harmony is constant, healthy disagreements can strengthen bonds.

This post explores the importance of conflict in relationships, how to argue constructively, and the role of repair attempts in maintaining a strong, resilient partnership.

We will consider the mechanics of relationship conflict, constructive arguing, repair attempts, relationship resilience, and best practices for communication in relationships.

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How to Fight Fair Daniel Dashnaw How to Fight Fair Daniel Dashnaw

Emotional Shutdowns: how to communicate when your partner clams up

Ever feel like you’re talking to a wall when your partner emotionally shuts down?

Being ready for a heart-to-heart while your spouse has mentally checked out can be incredibly frustrating.

This common relationship hiccup often stems from underlying emotional triggers, so don’t take it personally.

Instead, let’s consider the reasons behind these shutdowns and how to keep the lines of communication open, all while keeping your sanity intact.

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How to Fight Fair Daniel Dashnaw How to Fight Fair Daniel Dashnaw

I have an angry husband…why?

Men who don’t explicitly learn how to calm themselves down will typically respond to criticism with the other three horsemen; stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt.

It takes a little psycho-education to understand that a man’s nervous system can work against him with intimate others.

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How to Fight Fair Daniel Dashnaw How to Fight Fair Daniel Dashnaw

What is Haidt’s Moral Foundation Theory?

Jonathan Haidt's book The Righteous Mind offers valuable insights for couples struggling with political differences.

According to Haidt, our moral judgments are based on six foundations: care/harm, fairness/cheating, loyalty/betrayal, authority/subversion, sanctity/degradation, and liberty/oppression.

When couples understand that their partner's political views are rooted in these deep-seated moral foundations, it becomes easier to empathize and communicate.

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