EP 11:
Growing Into Love, The Science of Positive Illusions & The Michelangelo Effect
What does growing into love really feel like? Sometimes, it’s not fireworks or instant magic, but the quiet ways two people shape each other over time
Watch the video:
Key Insights with links to jump ahead are below
Key insights:
Romantic comedies sell us the myth of instant compatibility, find your soulmate, cue the fireworks, and live happily ever after. But real couples know love doesn’t just arrive fully formed; it’s something you grow into. In this solo episode of Better Relationships Through Research, marriage and family therapist Daniel Dashnaw unpacks what decades of psychology research reveals about how partners truly shape each other over time. From positive illusions that soften our view of each other’s quirks, to the Michelangelo Effect that shows how couples sculpt one another’s best selves, Daniel explores why long-term love is less about perfection and more about growth. You’ll hear about:
Why happy couples don’t see each other with “cold-eyed objectivity”
How attraction and even “our type” bend to fit the partner we choose
What supportive chiseling looks like versus controlling critique
The science of self-expansion: how two lives intertwine into a shared future
At its core, this episode reveals why “growing into your partner” isn’t a consolation prize, it’s the quiet mechanism that makes commitment last…
