Welcome to my Blog
Thank you for stopping by. This space is where I share research, reflections, and practical tools drawn from my experience as a marriage and family therapist.
Are you a couple looking for clarity? A professional curious about the science of relationships? Or simply someone interested in how love and resilience work? I’m glad you’ve found your way here. I can help with that.
Each post is written with one goal in mind: to help you better understand yourself, your partner, and the hidden dynamics that shape human connection.
Grab a coffee (or a notebook), explore what speaks to you, and take what’s useful back into your life and relationships. And if a post sparks a question, or makes you realize you could use more support, I’d love to hear from you.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
~Daniel
P.S.
Feel free to explore the categories below to find past blog posts on the topics that matter most to you. If you’re curious about attachment, navigating conflict, or strengthening intimacy, these archives are a great way to dive deeper into the research and insights that I’ve been sharing for years.
- Attachment Issues
- Coronavirus
- Couples Therapy
- Extramarital Affairs
- Family Life and Parenting
- How to Fight Fair
- Inlaws and Extended Families
- Intercultural Relationships
- Marriage and Mental Health
- Married Life & Intimate Relationships
- Neurodiverse Couples
- Separation & Divorce
- Signs of Trouble
- Social Media and Relationships
- What Happy Couples Know
Discovering Marcia: Navigating Autism at 54 with Grace!
Marcia Pignelli, (not her real name) a vibrant 54-year-old woman with a knack for gardening and a passion for classic literature, recently faced a revelation that has reshaped her understanding of herself.
A retired elementary school teacher, Marcia has always been known for her meticulous attention to detail and her unwavering dedication to her students.
Living with her partner, Lisa, in a cozy rural home, Marcia had long attributed her quirks and sensitivities to just being "a bit different."
However, when she received an autism diagnosis, her world turned upside down.
Join us as we eavesdrop into Marcia’s journey, exploring the challenges and triumphs of navigating a late-life autism diagnosis with humor, grace, and newfound insight.
9 Things you do as an adult if you were abused as a child
Childhood abuse leaves profound and lasting scars, affecting various aspects of one's life well into adulthood.
Here are nine behaviors commonly exhibited by folks who endured abuse as children. Understanding these patterns can offer insights into healing and finding a path toward a healthier emotional life.
What is Flying Monkeys Narcissism?
Flying Monkeys are a concept deeply embedded in the dynamics of narcissistic abuse, as elucidated by thought leaders in the field.
These folks, unwittingly or willingly, become the enforcers of the narcissist's agenda, perpetuating the cycle of abuse.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a renowned clinical psychologist and expert in narcissism, describes flying monkeys as "the foot soldiers of the narcissist's army," highlighting their role in carrying out the narcissist's manipulative tactics.
Seeking novelty in marriage? don’t forget self-expansion; 6 things to consider as you shake things up
That lusty, unstoppable, boundless feeling of falling in love has a lot to do with novelty.
It is no surprise that as we become familiar with one another novelty tapers off and perhaps some of that initial “effortless” love wanes as well.
How do we get our mojo back?
How to fall in love with a perfect stranger in 45 minutes
Husband and wife psychologists Arthur and Elaine Aron research how close relationships develop.
Previous research has shown that a history of reciprocally exchanging favors leads to the bestowing of additional favors to their exchange partner, no matter who provided the last favor.
In other words, receiving and bestowing favors builds trust, one of the fundamental building blocks of intimacy. Here’s what you need to know…
How to say goodbye to an estranged child
Navigating the emotional labyrinth of estrangement from a child is a heart-wrenching journey.
When reconciliation seems impossible and you reach the point of saying goodbye, it's crucial to approach the situation with compassion, understanding, and acceptance.
This post explores the steps in saying goodbye to an estranged child, drawing on expert insights and research to provide a thoughtful and compassionate approach.
Should I keep reaching out to my estranged adult child?
Family estrangement, particularly from an adult child, can leave parents feeling helpless and heartbroken.
The question of whether to keep reaching out is complex and multifaceted, involving a deep understanding of the emotional dynamics at play and the long-term impact on both parties.
Let's respect the intricacies of this issue, exploring expert advice and research findings to guide parents through this challenging situation.
I have an angry husband…why?
Men who don’t explicitly learn how to calm themselves down will typically respond to criticism with the other three horsemen; stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt.
It takes a little psycho-education to understand that a man’s nervous system can work against him with intimate others.
Stonewalling? 7 powerful and effective ways to stop
Stonewalling is an often involuntary physiological defensive response to a sense of feeling overwhelmed. It is grounded in a fear of conflict and a desire to mitigate anger and escalation.
Because most stonewallers (85%) are men, it is challenging for their partners to accept that stonewalling is their body’s automatic go-to method of self-soothing.
It’s an evolutionary adaptation that simply doesn’t work in intimate relationships. In many cases, it’s a misbegotten attempt to “calm things down.”
Stonewalling typically starts out with a male partner becoming physiologically overwhelmed and failing to advise their spouse of that fact…
Understanding the dance between obsession and Borderline Personality Disorder
Navigating relationships can often feel like dancing through a minefield, especially when one partner exhibits symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
I've witnessed firsthand in therapy sessions the intense emotional rollercoaster that partners experience.
One of the most challenging aspects of BPD is the relationship between obsession and the disorder.
The balancing act… independence and intimacy in marriage
Every marriage has an inherent tension between the need for independence and the desire for intimacy.
Couples therapists call this delicate balance "differentiation."
Differentiation in marriage is all about personal growth while maintaining a close relationship.
As Ellyn Bader puts it, differentiation is "the active, ongoing process of defining self, expressing and activating self, revealing self, clarifying boundaries, and managing the anxiety that comes from risking either more intimacy or potential separation."
The myth of the empty nest syndrome
We tell women they should expect to feel grief and sadness when their children have fled the nest.
We even have a label for this cultural expectation, Empty Nest Syndrome.
But is it, like the unmitigated joy of childbirth, a cultural lie we insist on telling ourselves?