"My Therapist Said You're the Problem"

There are few weapons more effective in a relationship spat than a credentialed third party.

Enter: the therapist. Not yours. Theirs.

And suddenly you’re not having a disagreement—you’re cross-examined by the ghost of their Tuesday evening sessions.

Welcome to Therapy Dumping—the sneaky weaponization of therapy-speak and professional insight as relationship artillery.

“Actually, my therapist says your communication style is avoidant and triggering my fawn response.”

Translation: I’m right, and you’re not only wrong—you’re diagnosable.

It started with vibe checks and late-night texting. No labels. No expectations. Just a lot of “you up?” followed by “sorry I fell asleep.”

You weren’t dating—but you weren’t not.

And when it ended, you didn’t know whether to cry or ghost them back retroactively.

Welcome to the healing arc of a situationship, that most liminal of modern love stories: too undefined to celebrate, too significant to forget.

Situationships are “emotionally intimate but non-committed romantic or sexual relationships,” often maintained without explicit agreements (LeFebvre, 2018). In our ghosting-and-glitter era, they’ve become not just common—they’re almost normative.

that’s a special problem for ND folks.

You’re not single. You’re not taken. You’re in the emotional equivalent of an airport lounge—soft lighting, temporary snacks, and no guarantee you’re getting on the plane.

When DTR Is Just a Pre-Confession.

You’ve just started dating. He brings flowers to your work, memorizes your confirmation saint, and casually mentions he’s already spoken to his spiritual director about you.

You think, Is this love bombing or discernment?

Welcome to the rising meme: Love Bombing but Make It Catholic.

In its secular form, love bombing is a red flag—a manipulative flood of affection and attention to destabilize emotional boundaries (Sussman, 2011).

But in its Catholic remix, it's often mistaken for intentionality, even sanctity.

The iconography shifts from scented candles and trauma-bonding to rosary beads and rapid-fire marriage talk.

He shows up quoting Rumi, calls your eye contact "divine resonance," and says things like “I felt your energy in my third chakra before we even met.”

You’re not in a relationship—you’re in a co-authored memoir that will never be written but somehow already has a soundtrack.

Welcome to the meme that bites back: Spiritual Twin Flame or Just a Guy?

It’s a legitimate question.

Because lately, the language of sacred union has been weaponized to justify some truly chaotic behavior.

He Exists. Allegedly.

You’ve heard whispers. You’ve seen the memes.

He listens. He plans. He flosses.

He remembers your dog’s name and your attachment style.

He’s emotionally available and knows how to sauté mushrooms.

They call him the No Notes Boyfriend—as in: “He’s perfect. I have no notes.”

It’s a meme. It’s a fantasy.

It’s possibly an endangered species. But the cultural thirst for this man is rising like sea levels in Miami.

What Does 'No Notes' Actually Mean?

It’s spring. The sun is peeking out. The crocuses are brave. And you and your partner are staring at each other across the dinner table like overworked coworkers in a dimly lit HR cubicle.

Why? Because it’s Relationship Audit Season.

Just like tax time, something about the seasonal shift makes people want to review the balance sheet of their emotional lives. Are we aligned? Are we growing? Why did you stop planning date night in February? And what exactly was that passive-aggressive emoji you texted my mom?

Why Now?

I love that you love her. I’m just… really tired.

You’ve done the inner work.

You’ve read The Ethical Slut. You’ve journaled about jealousy, lit candles, done breathwork, and talked yourself through your partner’s giddy post-date glow with the patience of a saint and the emotional endurance of an Olympic decathlete.

But lately, every time they say, “You’d really like them?”—you feel your eye twitch.

Welcome to Compersion Fatigue—the emotional burnout that can hit even the most enlightened polyamorous, open, or non-monogamous soul.

No Yelling. No Slammed Doors. Just a Vanishing Act with Perfect Manners.

There was no big fight. No ultimatums screamed in kitchen light. Just a subtle shift.

Fewer good mornings. More polite nods. No more future-tense sentences. You weren’t dumped. You were quietly warned.

Welcome to the Quiet Ultimatum—the subtle, often misunderstood moment in a neurodiverse relationship where one partner signals, “This isn’t sustainable,” without ever saying the words.

There’s a peculiar kind of haunting that doesn’t knock over vases or show up on night vision cameras. It shows up in your daughter’s panic attacks during Algebra II.

It slides into your son's DMs disguised as a nihilist meme.

It sits beside young people at dinner tables where nobody really eats together anymore, and it whispers in their ear that nothing matters and everything is their fault.

Welcome to the living legacy of trauma, where yesterday’s wounds show up wearing today’s hoodie and doomscrolling tomorrow’s headlines.

As of 2025, we’re witnessing a national mental health crisis among American youth that social scientists are describing as both unprecedented and structural (Twenge, 2024; CDC, 2023).

But this crisis didn’t come out of nowhere. It has a family tree.

This post is a journey into that family tree—and a toolkit for transformation.

What Is the Living Legacy of Trauma?

Forget candlelit dinners and love letters—some of the most intimate disclosures in modern marriage involve spreadsheets, passwords, and balance transfers.

But when one partner hides financial information—secret debt, undisclosed spending, hidden accounts—that intimacy gets ruptured.

This is financial infidelity, and like any betrayal, it can shake the foundation of trust in a relationship.

A 2021 survey by the National Endowment for Financial Education found that 43% of adults who share finances admit to some form of financial deception with their partner.

And yet, the fallout often goes under the radar—less cinematic than sexual betrayal, but no less corrosive. In fact, studies suggest that financial infidelity is associated with similar emotional consequences: shame, anxiety, mistrust, and even symptoms of trauma (Jeanfreau et al., 2018).

Long before you argued over laundry or in-laws, you were a sibling—or maybe an only child—waging psychological warfare over the front seat, the last cookie, or whose turn it was to walk the dog.

Turns out, those ancient power dynamics don’t retire; they just get repackaged with adult language and romantic undertones.

Welcome to the world of birth order psychology, where who you were in the family lineup still whispers into the ear of your adult relationships.

Birth order theory—first popularized by Alfred Adler—suggests that our position among siblings shapes our personality, coping styles, and even mate selection (Sulloway, 1996).

But newer research adds nuance, indicating these dynamics aren't deterministic—they interact with attachment, temperament, and family context (Paulhus et al., 1999; Eckstein et al., 2010).

Still, couples therapists know: sibling scripts are often running in the background like old software, occasionally crashing the marriage OS.

In 1959, Rod Serling aired a half-hour parable that would echo louder in the 21st century than it did in his own time.

The Twilight Zone episode “The Lonely” tells the story of a man sentenced to solitary confinement on a remote asteroid, and the female robot given to ease his isolation.

It ends with that robot—Alicia—being shot in the face by a government officer who insists, with cold certainty: “She’s not real.”

Sixty-five years later, we live in a world where simulated love isn’t just a science fiction conceit. It’s a subscription plan. It’s a personalized voice assistant.

It’s an AI partner with large, blinking eyes that listens better than your spouse. And yet, as The Lonely reminds us, something profound is lost when love is stripped of its human source.

A

licia might have been good company. She might have cried.

But she was never vulnerable. And without vulnerability, there is no love—only comfort that looks like love from a distance.