Spiritual Twin Flame or Just a Guy: When Soulmate Language Masks Red Flags
Tuesday, May 6, 2025
He shows up quoting Rumi, calls your eye contact "divine resonance," and says things like “I felt your energy in my third chakra before we even met.”
You’re not in a relationship—you’re in a co-authored memoir that will never be written but somehow already has a soundtrack.
Welcome to the meme that bites back: Spiritual Twin Flame or Just a Guy?
It’s a legitimate question.
Because lately, the language of sacred union has been weaponized to justify some truly chaotic behavior.
Twin Flames: The Romantic Endgame or Metaphysical Meltdown?
The idea of twin flames—two souls split at origin and destined to reunite—isn’t from ancient tradition.
It’s from Theosophy and Flaky, dipsh*t 20th-century New Age mysticism, popularized by “thinkers” like Elizabeth Clare Prophet and more recently by YouTube tarot influencers with moonlit thumbnails.
The theory says this isn’t a relationship. It’s an ascension portal.
That’s why it hurts. That’s why it’s toxic. That’s why it’s meant to be.
“It’s not abuse. It’s the universe testing us.”
Translation: I’m manipulating you but I’ve got incense, so it’s cool.
The Psychology Behind the Myth
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula (2019), people with narcissistic tendencies often use spiritual language to mask emotional unavailability.
When someone calls you their twin flame on date three, it’s often a strategy to fast-track intimacy—a love bomb in a crystal crown.
Psychologist Catherine Gildiner (2021) adds that people with unresolved trauma can mistake activation for attraction.
That electric feeling? Sometimes it’s not divine—it’s familiar chaos.
The Neuroscience of the Spark
Helen Fisher’s (2006) research into romantic love shows that intense early-stage attraction lights up the brain's dopaminergic pathways, the same circuits activated by cocaine and risk-taking.
That "cosmic connection" is probably just be your ventral tegmental area doing cartwheels.
It’s not a sign. It’s chemistry. And chemistry is morally neutral.
Spiritual Gaslighting: When Mysticism Meets Manipulation
One of the most dangerous aspects of twin flame ideology is how it can frame toxicity as destiny.
According to social psychologist Julie Hall (2018), narcissistic abuse often cycles through idealization, devaluation, and discard—behaviors that twin flame mythology conveniently rebrands as part of a sacred journey.
If someone says:
“You’re triggering my shadow work.”
“We have karmic patterns we need to suffer through.”
“Only twin flames run and chase like this.”
...what they mean is: I don’t want accountability. I want a mystical excuse.
Soulmate? No. Attachment Style? Probably.
When things get chaotic, drop the tarot deck and pick up a copy of Fraley & Shaver (2000). That drama you’re calling a twin flame dynamic might just be an Anxious-Preoccupied soul dating an Avoidantly attached one.
The universe isn’t testing you. It’s offering you a chance to set a boundary.
The Reframe: Sacred Doesn’t Mean Self-Destructive
Relationships can be spiritual.
They can be transcendent. But they must also be kind.
As bell hooks (2000) reminded us: Love and abuse cannot coexist.
If someone invokes the stars to explain your tears, you are not in union—you’re in a hostage situation with a scented candle.
Twin flame or not, here’s your checklist:
Do I feel emotionally safe?
Do I have agency?
Are my boundaries respected?
If the answer is no, then it’s not a spiritual connection. It’s just a guy.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Durvasula, R. (2019). Don’t you know who I am?: How to stay sane in an era of narcissism, entitlement, and incivility. Post Hill Press.
Fisher, H. (2006). Why we love: The nature and chemistry of romantic love. Henry Holt and Company.
Fraley, R. C., & Shaver, P. R. (2000). Adult romantic attachment: Theoretical developments, emerging controversies, and unanswered questions. Review of General Psychology, 4(2), 132–154.
Gildiner, C. (2021). Good morning, monster: A therapist shares five heroic stories of emotional recovery. St. Martin’s Press.
Hall, J. (2018). The narcissist in your life: Recognizing the patterns and learning to break free. Da Capo Lifelong Books.
hooks, b. (2000). All about love: New visions. William Morrow Paperbacks.