Therapy Dumping: When Your Partner Uses Their Therapist to Win Arguments
Wednesday, May 7, 2025.
"My Therapist Said You're the Problem"
There are few weapons more effective in a relationship spat than a credentialed third party. Enter: the therapist. Not yours. Theirs.
And suddenly you’re not having a disagreement—you’re cross-examined by the ghost of their Tuesday evening sessions.
Welcome to Therapy Dumping—the sneaky weaponization of therapy-speak and professional insight as relationship artillery.
“Actually, my therapist says your communication style is avoidant and triggering my fawn response.”
Translation: I’m right, and you’re not only wrong—you’re diagnosable.
Therapy as Status Object
We live in an era where therapy is no longer a private resource—it’s a social signal. In certain circles, it’s the new luxury bag: Have you done the work? becomes the social litmus test for emotional legitimacy.
Therapy dumping emerges from this psychological capitalism. It's not about healing—it's about hierarchies. Your therapist becomes your weaponized philosopher-king, and you become the oracle channeling them.
And yet, something's off. You're not in therapy. You're using therapy.
The Rise of Therapy-Speak as Emotional Armor
According to McCoy and Aultman-Bettridge (2021), therapy-speak has rapidly diffused into everyday vernacular thanks to social media, mental health influencers, and popularized self-help.
But this diffusion often strips terms of their clinical nuance. "Boundaries" become walls. "Triggers" become conversation-enders. "Gaslighting" becomes shorthand for disagreement.
Psychologist Molly Gasbarrini (2022) calls it the TikTok-ification of therapy, where psychological terminology becomes performance, not process.
Therapy dumping thrives in this environment. It lets people swap accountability for authority: You can’t criticize me—I’m trauma-informed.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
Let’s meet Tim and Marie. Tim comes home late again. Marie says:
“I feel disrespected when you’re not home at dinner. It makes me feel unseen.”
Tim replies:
“My therapist says I have a right to autonomy and that your anxious attachment is creating codependent expectations.”
Now, Marie isn’t being heard. She’s being analyzed. The problem isn’t behavior—it’s pathology. And worse, it’s allegedly hers. Ouch!
The Psychology Behind the Weaponization
According to Boston therapist and author Terry Real (2022), relational repair requires mutual vulnerability, not one-upmanship.
When partners turn therapy insights into weapons, they violate the spirit of the therapeutic process, which is meant to support inward reflection, not outward domination.
When therapy becomes performative, it shifts from an intra-psychic journey to an interpersonal power play—a self-help version of "my dad can beat up your dad."
Not All Insights Belong in the Ring
There is nothing wrong with quoting your therapist—if the quote invites collaboration, not condemnation. But when insights become indictments, you're no longer growing; you're grandstanding.
Research from Feinberg et al. (2019) suggests that effective conflict resolution in couples requires bidirectional empathy and a willingness to validate each other’s subjective experiences. Therapy dumping short-circuits this, replacing empathy with clinical detachment.
How to Know If You're Dumping
Do you say “my therapist says” more often than you say “I feel”?
Are you quoting therapy to avoid admitting you're wrong?
Are you diagnosing your partner more than you're listening to them?
If yes, congratulations: you may be in therapy, but your relationship isn’t.
The Fix: Talk Like a Human Instead
Instead of saying:
“My therapist says your emotional dysregulation is activating my protective schema.”
Try:
“I get overwhelmed when our arguments escalate. Can we try something different?”
Keep the wisdom. Drop the sermon.
In the end, your therapist’s job is to help you show up better—not to ghostwrite your side of every fight.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Feinberg, M. E., Solmeyer, A. R., Hostetler, M. L., Sakuma, K. L., Jones, D. E., & Coffman, D. L. (2019). Bids for cooperation and the quality of interparental communication: Observational assessments. Journal of Family Psychology, 33(1), 86–96. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000481
Gasbarrini, M. (2022). The TikTok therapist dilemma: Public psychology in a performative age. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-your-body
McCoy, C., & Aultman-Bettridge, C. (2021). Therapy-speak and the digital age: Communication breakdowns in the language of healing. Contemporary Psychology Review, 18(2), 133–149.
Real, T. (2022). Us: Getting past you and me to build a more loving relationship. Cornerstone Press.