After the affair you assess the damage…. what is gone.. and what remains?

… so what happens next?

Affair recovery is best conducted by science-based couples therapists…

Little compares to the devastation people feel upon discovering that their spouses have been unfaithful. Some marriages end right away.

But many others hit agonizing impasses as couples struggle to get past the intense anger, sadness, and mistrust. [Over 60% of marriages survive an affair].

These hurtful interactions wreak emotional havoc on both spouses, and typically neither one has a clue how to help the marriage recover…

“The epidemic of emotional affairs coincides with a tendency that we have noticed for people in long-term relationships to defend themselves psychologically…that is, ironically protect themselves from anxiety-provoking aspects of love.” Psychologist Mark Borg

Stop fooling yourselves into believing that you can have intimate relationships at work and still have a great relationship with your committed partner.

If you want to experience intimacy, passion, and connection…you’ll want to enjoy that relationship for the rest of your life; you’ll have to keep that emotional depth inside your marriage…

The Ashley Madison data breach of 2015 sent shockwaves through the online dating world, revealing the personal information of millions of users seeking extramarital affairs.

This breach not only raised questions about data security but also provided a unique opportunity for researchers to study the impact of infidelity on relationships.

Several studies have since been conducted to analyze the fallout from the Ashley Madison breach, shedding light on various aspects of relationships and privacy in the digital age.

The “safe” advice most all-purpose therapists typically offer is that confrontation is a bad idea.

Confronting your husband’s affair partner indeed confirms their significance, and in many cases, that could be a strategic error from the get-go.

Here’s some practical advice…

Affair partners exist in an artificial bubble. The affair exists as an antidote to a bad marriage. Affairs are fueled by comparison.

But once the bubble bursts and the comparison is rendered irrelevant, the new marriage has to stand on its own merits.

Here’s solid advice on increasing your odds…

When infidelity strikes a marriage, the aftermath can be devastating.

For the partner who cheated, it's crucial to understand the profound impact of your actions on your spouse.

Issues of trust, vulnerability, and deep hurt come to the forefront, requiring a thoughtful and empathetic approach…

Once an affair is out in the open, each partner has their own tasks in coping with infidelity.

However, couples typically display one of three distinct strategies for coping with infidelity.

One of the reasons affair recovery is such a widespread problem in couples therapy is that 2 of these 3 strategies are naturally occurring and don’t work very well for couples in the long run…

The last thing you want to do is behave in such a way that drives your husband closer to his affair partner.

This is a time for differentiation and strategic moves. If you want to restore your marriage to health, you need a carefully thought-out stance.

Play a thoughtfully considered “long game.” I can help with that…

What percentage of marriages survive infidelity?

As bad as you may be hurting right now, most couples (60-80%) rebuild trust and leave couples therapy with their marriages in a much better place.

After sorting and weighing several sources of data, the destructive impact of infidelity accounts for somewhere between 20-40% of American divorces.

Serial infidelity has been correlated with personality disorders.

To be specific, three personality disorders; Narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Psychopathy.

It’s important to point out that not every unfaithful spouse has a personality disorder, nor does every spouse with some degree of personality disorder engage in infidelity…