EP 12:
Deprogramming Desire — with Dr. Chris Donaghue
What does growing into love really feel like? Sometimes, it’s not fireworks or instant magic, but the quiet ways two people shape each other over time
Watch the video:
Key Insights with links to jump ahead are below
Key insights:
What happens when a respectfully monogamous therapist sits down with one of the most outspoken voices in modern sex therapy? In this episode, Daniel Dashnaw talks with Dr. Chris Donaghue, psychotherapist, media personality, and author of Rebel Love and Sex Outside the Lines, about what it really means to “deprogram” desire.
Together, they explore how culture, capitalism, trauma, and shame shape our erotic blueprints, and how conscious relationships can transform those inherited scripts. Donaghue discusses how his views on monogamy have evolved over time, the balance between freedom and commitment, and why both can serve as crucibles for growth when chosen consciously.
Daniel and Chris also dive deep into the tension between attachment and differentiation, how to stay connected to another without losing yourself. Along the way, they confront the cultural fetishization of safety, the developmental work of risk and truth-telling, and how growth often begins right where comfort ends. You’ll Hear About:
Why sexual shame is less personal than cultural
How capitalism and religion shaped our ideas of love and fidelity
The “fetish of safety” and why growth demands risk
The difference between attachment and differentiation in relationships
How both monogamy and nonmonogamy can serve consciousness—when chosen intentionally
Our Guest:
Dr. Chris Donaghue is a psychotherapist and the author of Sex Outside the Lines and Rebel Love. His work challenges mainstream ideas about monogamy, desire, and moralized sexuality, inviting people to cultivate more authentic, embodied, and compassionate forms of connection.
If this episode stirred something in you, curiosity, discomfort, or simply the desire to think more deeply about love and commitment. I invite you to explore my written work on the blog. Each post extends these conversations with research-based commentary on relationships, intimacy, and the hidden dynamics that shape how we love.
You’ll find articles on attachment, conflict, sexuality, and the psychology behind the habits that make relationships thrive.
Visit the blog to keep learning, stay connected, and deepen the work.