Leaving your marriage for your affair partner?
Monday, April 22, 2024.
Are you leaving your marriage for your affair partner?
Here's What You Need to Know…
It's a difficult decision, and the statistics are sobering: more than 75% of marriages that begin as affairs never reach their 5th wedding anniversary, and less than 5% of affair partners marry each other.
As a therapist, I often work with couples who started as affair partners, usually seeing them around 2 years from their wedding date.
Here are some important considerations and challenges you might face if you're thinking about leaving your marriage for your affair partner:
Trust Issues: One common concern is whether the same behavior that led to the affair could happen in the new relationship. While it's not a certainty, trust can become a significant issue that needs to be addressed.
Emotional Toll: Affairs are often exciting but also exhausting, fueled by secrecy and comparison to the previous marriage. Once the affair bubble bursts, the new relationship must stand on its own.
Impact on Children: Children of divorce can struggle emotionally and may feel compelled to take sides, leading to long-lasting parental alliances or alienations.
Social Cost: Divorcing and marrying your affair partner can come with a social cost, affecting relationships with family, friends, and communities.
Financial and Emotional Stress: Divorce is financially and emotionally taxing, with costs averaging around $30,000 per couple and taking months to finalize. This stress can impact the new marriage.
Resentment and Expectations: Couples may face bitterness and dashed hopes after going through so much to be together, leading to conflicts and unmet expectations.
Social Reintegration: After divorce, couples may find that their social world has changed, requiring them to rebuild a new social identity.
Love Addiction: Some humans may have a compulsive craving for romantic attachment, which can impact the new relationship.
Comparisons and Resentment: Comparisons to the previous spouse and the fading rescue fantasy can lead to resentment and disillusionment in the new marriage.
Final thoughts
Despite these challenges, some affairs evolve into successful long-term marriages, though they are relatively rare.
If you're considering leaving your marriage for your affair partner, it's important to proceed with caution, humility, and a willingness to work through challenges together. Remember, the decision to leave a marriage is complex and deeply personal, and there is no guarantee of success.
