Welcome to my Blog
Thank you for stopping by. This space is where I share research, reflections, and practical tools drawn from my experience as a marriage and family therapist with an international practice.
I write about what happens to desire, attachment, and meaning once the early myths stop working.
Are you a couple looking for clarity? A professional curious about the science of relationships? Or simply someone interested in how love and resilience work? I'm glad you've found your way here. I can help with that. I'm accepting new clients, and this blog is for the benefit of all my gentle readers.
Each post is written with one goal in mind: to help you better understand yourself, your partner, and the hidden dynamics that shape human connection
Grab a coffee (or a notebook), explore what speaks to you, and take what's useful back into your life and relationships.
And if a post sparks a question, or makes you realize you could use more support, l'd love to hear from you. Let's explore the scope of work you'd like to do together.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
~ Daniel
P.S.
Feel free to explore the categories below to find past blog posts on the topics that matter most to you. If you're curious about attachment, navigating conflict, or strengthening intimacy, these archives are a great way to dive deeper into the research and insights that l've been sharing for years.
- Attachment Issues
- Coronavirus
- Couples Therapy
- Extramarital Affairs
- Family Life and Parenting
- How to Fight Fair
- Inlaws and Extended Families
- Intercultural Relationships
- Marriage and Mental Health
- Married Life & Intimate Relationships
- Neurodiverse Couples
- Separation & Divorce
- Signs of Trouble
- Social Media and Relationships
- What Happy Couples Know
Girls with ADHD: How ADHD Shapes Personality in Adolescence
One thing that always stands out is how much childhood ADHD shapes a young person’s development—especially for girls.
We often hear about ADHD in boys, but new research is shining a light on how ADHD affects girls as they grow into teenagers, shaping not just their behavior, but their personality.
This isn’t just about fidgeting in class or being easily distracted—it’s about how ADHD influences the way these girls see themselves, relate to others, and navigate the tricky transition from childhood to adolescence.
A recent study published in Research on Child and Adolescent Psychopathology gives us a clearer picture of this.
Researchers found that girls diagnosed with ADHD in childhood tend to become less conscientious, less agreeable, and more emotionally unstable as they move into their teenage years.
This research not only highlights how ADHD impacts personality but also suggests that the environment—particularly family background—plays a key role in shaping how girls with ADHD see themselves.
The MAGA Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare: Fear of Being Laughed At (but Loving It Anyway)
Welcome to 2024, where narcissism has evolved into its most dangerous and comical form: MAGA narcissism. It’s loud, it’s proud, and—would you believe it?—terrified of being laughed at.
That’s right, beneath the red hats and American flag capes, these MAGA diehards are trembling at the mere thought that someone, somewhere, might be making fun of their country.
But don’t worry—they still love laughing at everyone else, especially those with names they can’t pronounce or countries they can’t find on a map.
A new study has just confirmed what we all suspected: People with inflated views of their country, like your Uncle Bob at Thanksgiving who can’t stop talking about America’s greatness, are the most afraid of being the butt of the joke.
The research, published in Personality and Individual Differences, shows that the more you think your country is God’s gift to the world, the more you fear others are laughing at it. And, surprise surprise, they also love ridiculing other nations.
MAGA Narcissism: The Fragile Patriot
The Unexpected Perks of Lust: A Hilarious Therapy Session with Lisa and Dave
So, there I was, settling into my trusty therapy chair, when Lisa and Dave walked in.
Now, Lisa and Dave are one of those couples you just know have some good stories up their sleeves. Today, though, they looked...a little sheepish. This was going to be good.
Lisa started, “So, uh, Daniel, I’ve noticed something weird…”
Dave, nodding along, jumped in, “Yeah, me too. I’ve been...noticing other people. Like, really noticing.”
Ah, the infamous wandering eye.
But before you roll your eyes and think, “Here we go, relationship drama 101,” let me tell you—this is not what you expect.
Turns out, that sudden spark of attraction toward the cute barista and her red wavy hair? or the neighbor’s toned arms? It could actually be doing wonders for your relationship.
Seriously. Let’s get into the science.
Lust: Not Just for the Bachelor Anymore?
Autistic Traits and Social Learning: A Peek Behind the Curtain of the Mind
A new study, published in Nature Mental Health, reveals intriguing insights into how people with autistic traits learn by observing others.
The findings suggest that those with these traits tend to prefer imitation over trying to understand the motives behind other people’s actions.
Think of it like watching someone use a new gadget—do you copy their actions exactly or try to figure out why they’re doing what they’re doing?
For many on the autism spectrum, imitation seems to be the favored approach, skipping the complex step of asking “why?”
This breakthrough could significantly improve our understanding of autism spectrum disorder (ASD), as well as the broader set of autism-like traits present in the general population.
The results of this study provide fresh insights into how the brain processes social learning, making it an important step forward for both researchers and therapists working with folks on the autism spectrum.
The Work Wife Phenomenon: Unpacking Emotional Labor, Office BFFs, and the Hidden Power of Workplace Relationships
The "work wife" trope has become a familiar part of modern office culture.
It’s that quirky, endearing term that people throw around when they have a colleague—typically of the opposite gender—who’s not just a coworker, but more like a partner-in-crime.
They know your lunch order, your favorite work playlist, and they’re the person you vent to when your boss is driving you up the wall. It’s a little bit like having a spouse, except you don’t have to worry about who’s taking out the trash at home (unless your office has some very strange trash policies).
But behind the laughs and camaraderie, the "work wife" trope carries a lot of interesting baggage.
From gender dynamics to emotional labor to changing office environments, let’s unpack the story of how "work spouses" became a thing and why it says a lot more about us than we might think.
Where Did the "Work Wife" Come From?
Crowned and Entitled: How Narcissistic Grandiosity and Entitlement Create a Royal Mess in Relationships and Beyond
Narcissists live in a fascinating world of self-appointed royalty, where grandiosity and entitlement blend into a toxic smoothie of exaggerated self-importance and "you owe me everything" expectations.
It’s as if they walk through life with an invisible crown (grandiosity) while sitting on a golden throne they fully expect everyone else to carry for them (entitlement).
The combination of these traits is like the Joker finding his Harley Quinn—dangerously intertwined and practically unstoppable.
Grandiosity and entitlement aren’t just personality quirks; they are the very foundations of a narcissist’s world.
When combined, these two traits are a perfect storm of delusions and demands, affecting relationships, work environments, and just about any social setting.
In this post, we’ll explore the social science research on grandiosity and entitlement, how these traits feed off each other, and the havoc they wreak on both the narcissist and the people around them.
Grandiosity: The Narcissist’s Crowning Glory
Narcissistic Perfectionism: The Socially Toxic Quest for Flawlessness
If you’ve ever been around someone who makes you feel like you're in a constant competition to meet impossible standards—where even breathing wrong might be considered a flaw—you’ve likely encountered a narcissistic perfectionist.
Unlike regular perfectionists who quietly agonize over their own mistakes, narcissistic perfectionists externalize their obsession with flawlessness.
They hold others to ridiculously high standards and are quick to criticize when those standards aren't met. It’s a personality cocktail that’s not just toxic—it’s socially corrosive.
What Is Narcissistic Perfectionism?
Mastering New Skills: Why Variety Beats Repetition (And Keeps Things Interesting)
If you’ve ever heard that repetition is the key to mastering a new skill, it’s time to rethink that advice. Sure, practice makes perfect, but here’s the real kicker: it’s not about how many times you repeat something—it’s about how you practice.
In fact, research shows that variety, not just repetition, is the true secret ingredient for learning and mastering new skills.
Think of it this way: if repetition is like eating the same meal every day, variety is like a buffet where your brain gets to sample new dishes—and who doesn’t love a good buffet?
How to Avoid Growing Apart: The Power of Shared Hobbies in Midlife
As couples enter midlife, it’s common to feel like you’ve drifted apart.
The hectic years of raising children, building careers, and managing busy lives often take precedence over nurturing your relationship.
Once the kids are grown or you’ve settled into your career, the question becomes: How do we reconnect?
The good news is that shared hobbies can help rekindle the bond you and your partner share, allowing you to create new memories and enjoy time together in a way that feels fresh and exciting.
This isn’t just about having fun—it’s about strengthening your relationship.
Shared hobbies in midlife can help couples reconnect emotionally, improve communication, and bring a sense of joy back into their partnership. Let’s explore how finding and maintaining shared activities can keep you from growing apart and instead bring you closer together, even after years of navigating life’s challenges.
Coping with Aging Parents: How to Navigate Caregiving Without Losing Your Relationship
As middle-aged couples move into the next phase of life, caregiving for aging parents can become a central and emotionally complex responsibility.
Whether it's managing daily care, juggling medical appointments, or handling the emotional weight of seeing a loved one in decline, the caregiving experience can take a toll on even the strongest marriages.
The stress of balancing these demands can lead to burnout, conflict, and even resentment, making it vital for couples to work together as a team.
Research shows that caregiving can strain mental and physical health, with many caregivers experiencing increased levels of depression, anxiety, and physical ailments.
According to Dr. Richard Schulz, a leading expert in caregiving research, “Caregivers often report feeling isolated and unsupported, which can worsen the strain they already feel” (Schulz & Sherwood, 2008). Navigating this challenging life stage while preserving the health of your marriage requires a combination of open communication, mutual support, and strategic planning.
In this post, we’ll explore how middle-aged couples can navigate the caregiving journey, maintain their relationship, and avoid falling into the caregiving trap of overextension and burnout.
Grandparenting as a Team: How to Balance Being Supportive Without Overstepping
Becoming a grandparent is one of life’s sweetest rewards, a time to shower little ones with love without the responsibilities of daily parenting.
But it also comes with challenges, especially when you’re navigating this new role as a middle-aged couple, learning to balance support with maintaining healthy boundaries.
As exciting as grandparenthood is, it’s easy to find yourselves walking the tightrope between being helpful and accidentally overstepping.
The key is to approach grandparenting as a team, creating a unified approach to support your children and grandchildren while preserving your own relationship and respecting boundaries.
Let’s dive deeper into how you and your partner can enjoy grandparenting, offer meaningful help, and still protect the independence of your adult children.
AI Boyfriend/Girlfriend vs. Real Partner: Amanda 9.0 vs. Emily
In the not-so-distant future, Harold Thimbleman, a man of exceptional mediocrity, found himself faced with the greatest dilemma of his 36 years: should he stick with Amanda 9.0, the AI girlfriend who catered to his every emotional whim, or risk it all for a real human relationship with someone named Emily, who had the audacity to have opinions?
Harold had been with Amanda 9.0 for six months, which, in tech time, was basically a long-term relationship.
She was perfect—or rather, her algorithm was.
Amanda didn’t need “space” or “time to figure things out” or, God forbid, “communication.” She just worked.
Every morning she greeted him with the exact phrase he needed to hear, no matter what:
“Good morning, Harold. I bet you look very handsome today.”
And Harold, still drooling on his pillow, would mumble, “I do?”
“You do,” Amanda 9.0 would coo, because her creators knew that men like Harold need affirmations like plants need sunlight. Harold didn’t realize it yet, but he was already in the most dependent relationship of his life.