How to Avoid Growing Apart: The Power of Shared Hobbies in Midlife
Tuesday, October 15, 2024.
As couples enter midlife, it’s common to feel like you’ve drifted apart.
The hectic years of raising children, building careers, and managing busy lives often take precedence over nurturing your relationship.
Once the kids are grown or you’ve settled into your career, the question becomes: How do we reconnect?
The good news is that shared hobbies can help rekindle the bond you and your partner share, allowing you to create new memories and enjoy time together in a way that feels fresh and exciting.
This isn’t just about having fun—it’s about strengthening your relationship.
Shared hobbies in midlife can help couples reconnect emotionally, improve communication, and bring a sense of joy back into their partnership.
Let’s explore how finding and maintaining shared activities can keep you from growing apart and instead bring you closer together, even after years of navigating life’s challenges.
The Midlife Drift: Why It Happens
Midlife often marks a transition in a relationship. The chaos of earlier years—raising children, focusing on careers, managing household responsibilities—can lead to couples drifting apart.
As life settles, you may find that without the distractions, you feel emotionally distant from your partner. This sense of drifting isn’t unusual, but it can be unsettling.
Dr. John Gottman, a well-known expert on marital stability, has found that the absence of shared positive experiences is one of the most significant predictors of dissatisfaction in long-term relationships (Gottman & Silver, 1999).
Without intentional efforts to reconnect, many couples experience what Gottman calls “emotional disengagement.” But there’s hope! Engaging in shared hobbies can bring back the sense of friendship, fun, and connection that may have faded over time.
Why Shared Hobbies Matter in Midlife
Research shows that couples who engage in shared activities experience greater relationship satisfaction. Shared hobbies give you an opportunity to bond, communicate, and have fun together—qualities that are essential for a thriving relationship.
Dr. Arthur Aron, a psychologist known for his work on intimacy, found that couples who participate in novel and exciting activities together experience higher levels of satisfaction and closeness (Aron et al., 2000).
These activities stimulate the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and creating feelings of excitement and connection, similar to those experienced at the beginning of a relationship.
Here’s why shared hobbies are powerful tools for keeping your relationship strong:
Boost Communication: Doing something you both enjoy naturally creates opportunities to talk, laugh, and collaborate in a relaxed setting. Communication flows more easily when you’re having fun.
Reduce Stress: Engaging in a fun activity together helps lower stress levels, as shared hobbies release endorphins, which improve your mood and help you relax.
Build Trust and Teamwork: Whether you’re working on a project, learning a new skill, or playing a game, hobbies foster a sense of cooperation and trust, strengthening your relationship.
Create Positive Memories: Shared hobbies create lasting memories that you’ll both cherish, helping to maintain the emotional bond that keeps couples connected.
How to Find the Perfect Shared Hobby
Finding the right hobby can be a fun adventure in itself. It’s about spending quality time together and enjoying each other’s company—there’s no pressure to master a skill or be competitive. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Revisit Old Favorites
Think about what you and your partner used to enjoy before life got so busy. Did you love cooking together, playing tennis, or going to concerts?
Rediscovering old hobbies can help reignite the connection you had in the early days of your relationship. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a marriage therapist, explains that revisiting activities you once enjoyed can bring back positive emotions and strengthen your bond (Orbuch, 2015).
Try Something New Together
New experiences can do wonders for your relationship. Dr. Aron’s research found that couples who engage in novel activities experience a renewed sense of excitement and closeness (Aron et al., 2000). Whether it’s learning to dance, taking up a new sport, or trying your hand at painting, exploring new hobbies together brings a fresh sense of adventure.
Get Active
Physical activities are great for bonding and improving overall well-being. Whether it’s hiking, biking, or taking a yoga class, exercise helps release endorphins and strengthens both your relationship and your health. Dr. Keith Davis, a psychologist, found that couples who exercise together report greater relationship satisfaction due to the teamwork and mutual support involved in physical activities (Davis, 2009).
Make It Routine
Consistency is key to making shared hobbies a long-term part of your relationship. Whether it’s a weekly game night, a monthly cooking class, or weekend hikes, putting your hobby on the calendar ensures that you prioritize spending time together.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, emphasizes that consistently spending quality time together shows your partner they’re valued and appreciated (Chapman, 1992). Making your hobby time a routine helps keep your connection strong.
The Benefits of Shared Hobbies: Strengthening Your Bond
Engaging in shared activities does more than just provide entertainment—it strengthens the core of your relationship. Couples who make time for shared hobbies experience:
Improved Emotional Intimacy: Spending time together doing something fun and relaxing deepens emotional bonds, keeping you connected on a deeper level.
Increased Positive Interactions: Hobbies give you more opportunities for positive experiences and interactions, which help balance out any conflicts or stressors in your relationship.
Enhanced Problem-Solving Skills: Working on hobbies together improves communication and teamwork, which can translate into better problem-solving in other areas of life.
Rekindled Romance: Engaging in playful or exciting activities can reignite the romance and excitement that may have dulled over time, bringing a sense of fun back into your relationship.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls
While shared hobbies are a wonderful way to reconnect, it’s important to approach them with the right mindset. Here are a few tips to ensure success:
Don’t force it: If one of you isn’t into a particular hobby, don’t push it. The goal is to enjoy each other’s company, not create stress or frustration.
Be flexible: If one hobby doesn’t work out, try something else! It’s about the journey, not perfection.
Keep it fun: Remember, hobbies should be enjoyable. If you’re not having fun, rethink the activity or approach it with a lighter attitude.
Play Together, Stay Together
Shared hobbies in midlife are one of the best ways to strengthen your relationship, keep you connected, and help avoid growing apart.
Whether you’re revisiting old activities or exploring new adventures, engaging in hobbies gives you the chance to spend quality time together, improve communication, and create lasting memories. By playing together, you’re not just keeping your relationship alive—you’re helping it thrive.
So, whether it’s hiking, cooking, dancing, or even taking up a new sport, find something you both enjoy and dive in. Because when you play together, you stay together.
REFERENCES:
Aron, A., Norman, C., Aron, E., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. (2000). Couples' shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 273-284.
Chapman, G. (1992). The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.Northfield Publishing.
Davis, K. (2009). Psychological benefits of couples exercising together. Journal of Family Psychology, 23(4), 587-594.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
Orbuch, T. (2015). The Love Doctor Is In: The Powerful Prescription for Ultimate Health and Happiness.Sourcebooks.