Crowned and Entitled: How Narcissistic Grandiosity and Entitlement Create a Royal Mess in Relationships and Beyond

Wednesday, October 16, 2024

Narcissists live in a fascinating world of self-appointed royalty, where grandiosity and entitlement blend into a toxic smoothie of exaggerated self-importance and "you owe me everything" expectations.

It’s as if they walk through life with an invisible crown (grandiosity) while sitting on a golden throne they fully expect everyone else to carry for them (entitlement).

The combination of these traits is like the Joker finding his Harley Quinn—dangerously intertwined and practically unstoppable.

Grandiosity and entitlement aren’t just personality quirks; they are the very foundations of a narcissist’s world.

When combined, these two traits are a perfect storm of delusions and demands, affecting relationships, work environments, and just about any social setting.

In this post, we’ll explore the social science research on grandiosity and entitlement, how these traits feed off each other, and the havoc they wreak on both the narcissist and the people around them.

Grandiosity: The Narcissist’s Crowning Glory

Grandiosity is where it all starts.

Picture the narcissist waking up every morning, not just believing they’re special, but knowing they are. According to Morf and Rhodewalt (2001), narcissistic grandiosity is driven by an overblown sense of self-importance.

It’s not just that they think they’re the best—they are absolutely convinced of it. We’re talking delusions of grandeur on a cinematic scale: they’re not just good at their job; they’re the next Elon Musk, despite barely mastering their email inbox. They don’t just want a loving partner; they want someone who wakes up every morning ready to applaud their very existence.

Grandiosity doesn’t just exist in the narcissist’s mind—it’s reinforced by how they interact with the world.

The external validation they constantly seek is like oxygen to their overinflated ego. Research shows that narcissists rely heavily on admiration from others to maintain this grandiose self-image (Morf & Rhodewalt, 2001).

The moment they sense any kind of threat to their superiority—whether it’s a critical comment or, heaven forbid, someone else shining more brightly—their emotional response is like watching a royal meltdown in real-time. Cue narcissistic rage.

This grandiose view of themselves also means they believe they deserve to be treated as an elite class of human. They want special treatment, they expect endless praise, and they are often genuinely confused when people don’t automatically roll out the red carpet. But wait—it gets better. This sense of inflated self-importance seamlessly feeds into their sense of entitlement.

Entitlement: The Throne of Endless Expectations

If grandiosity is the crown, entitlement is the overstuffed velvet throne the narcissist expects everyone to carry around. It’s not enough that they believe they’re superior—they also believe the world owes them, whether they’ve earned it or not.

A key characteristic of entitlement in narcissism is the belief that they are inherently deserving of special privileges and treatment, simply by virtue of their supposed greatness.

Exline and Zell (2009) explain that this entitlement leads to an expectation that life should constantly deliver the best experiences to them on a silver platter.

If it doesn’t, it’s not their fault—it's the universe that’s wrong. Entitled narcissists are the type of people who believe they deserve VIP treatment in every aspect of life, whether it’s cutting in line, demanding unwavering attention, or expecting promotions at work based on potential rather than actual performance.

But here’s the kicker: they feel this entitlement without the corresponding sense of accountability.

Entitled narcissists rarely consider whether they’ve actually done anything to deserve special treatment.

In relationships, they’ll expect their partner to meet every need, attend to every whim, and forgive every slight—without offering much in return.

Research by Campbell et al. (2004) shows that narcissists high in entitlement often display manipulative and exploitative behaviors, using others to meet their needs while giving little to nothing back in terms of emotional support or effort. It’s a one-sided relationship where the narcissist takes, takes, and—wait for it—takes.

The Grandiosity-Entitlement Feedback Loop: A Match Made in Ego Heaven

So how do these traits work together? It’s a perfect storm, really. Grandiosity tells the narcissist, “You’re superior. You deserve the best.” Entitlement steps in and adds, “And everyone else owes it to you.”

This creates a narcissistic feedback loop: their grandiose self-image fuels their entitled expectations, while their entitlement reinforces their belief that they are, in fact, the most important person in any room.

Imagine the thought process: "Of course, I deserve the best job, the best partner, the best house—because I’m me!" And when they don’t get what they want, their entitlement flares up like an allergic reaction to reality. This often leads to what’s known as narcissistic injury, a deep wound to the ego that can provoke anger, bitterness, and even full-blown tantrums.

According to the American Psychological Association, narcissistic injury occurs when the narcissist’s fragile ego is threatened, which can result in anything from passive-aggressive behavior to explosive outbursts .

The Real-World Impact: From the Bedroom to the Boardroom

In Relationships: The Emotional Black Hole

Being in a relationship with someone who combines grandiosity and entitlement is like signing up to emotionally babysit a black hole.

Narcissists expect their partner to orbit around them, fulfilling every need without complaint. They’re entitled to endless admiration, loyalty, and forgiveness, but they struggle (or flat-out refuse) to return these things.

A study by Wurst et al. (2014) found that grandiosity and entitlement in narcissists contribute to high levels of conflict and emotional withdrawal in relationships. Narcissists often react poorly to criticism, seeing it as a personal attack on their carefully curated self-image. When their partner doesn’t meet their impossible standards, the narcissist may lash out or simply shut down emotionally, leaving the relationship drained of intimacy and connection.

In the Workplace: King of the Cubicles

The workplace narcissist is a force to be reckoned with.

Not only do they believe they deserve every promotion, but they’re also convinced that their colleagues should be lining up to hand over credit for any successes.

According to Grijalva and Harms (2014), narcissists high in grandiosity and entitlement tend to create toxic work environments, where they undermine colleagues and manipulate situations to keep themselves in the spotlight.

When they don’t get the recognition they believe they deserve, their entitlement rears its head, and they may resort to unethical behavior or sabotage to secure their place at the top.

It’s the classic "I’m better than everyone, so I deserve everything" mentality. And woe to the manager who tries to give them constructive feedback—narcissists don’t do well with humility or growth.

In Friendships: The Fair-Weather Fans

Narcissists’ friendships often resemble business transactions more than actual emotional connections.

They expect their friends to feed their grandiose self-image with constant praise and attention.

And when the spotlight shifts away from them, they’ll either cut the person off or stir up drama to recenter themselves.

According to research, narcissists often view their relationships as tools to meet their own needs, whether it’s gaining social status, admiration, or validation (Campbell et al., 2004). Friendship, to a narcissist, is often just a mirror reflecting back their greatness.

Can Narcissists Change? The Long and Winding Road of Therapy

Now, the big question: can grandiosity and entitlement be untangled, and can narcissists change?

The answer is: sort of, but it’s tough.

Narcissists are notoriously resistant to therapy, largely because admitting they need help is a direct threat to their grandiose self-image. Why would someone who believes they’re perfect ever need to change?

That said, there is hope. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has shown limited success in helping some narcissists challenge their distorted beliefs and develop healthier patterns of behavior (Miller et al., 2017).

Empathy training, although slow going, can also help reduce their sense of entitlement by encouraging them to recognize and respond to the needs of others.

However, the process can be long, and progress is typically agonizingly slow. After all, grandiosity and entitlement are the core of the narcissist’s identity—changing those traits means rewriting their entire sense of self.

Coping with Humor and Boundaries

Dealing with a narcissist who blends grandiosity and entitlement is exhausting, to say the least. But sometimes, injecting a bit of humor into the situation can help you cope. Yes, they may act like royalty, but at least you can laugh at the fact that their royal title was entirely self-appointed.

Understanding the psychological drivers behind grandiosity and entitlement can help you set firmer boundaries in relationships, friendships, and workplaces. Remember, while the narcissist may see themselves as deserving of a throne, you don’t have to carry it for them.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Campbell, W. K., Bush, C. P., Brunell, A. B., & Shelton, J. (2004). Understanding the social costs of narcissism: The case of the tragedy of the commons. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 30(3), 311–321.

Exline, J. J., & Zell, A. L. (2009). Empathy, self-esteem, and entitlement: Interpersonal dimensions of narcissism. Journal of Research in Personality, 43(5), 959–970.

Grijalva, E., & Harms, P. D. (2014). Narcissism: An integrative synthesis and dominance complementarity model. Academy of Management Review, 39(1), 117–138.

Miller, J. D., Campbell, W. K., Pilkonis, P. A., & Morse, J. Q. (2017). Narcissistic personality disorder: Diagnostic and clinical challenges. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 8(2), 125–133.

Morf, C. C., & Rhodewalt, F. (2001). Unraveling the paradoxes of narcissism: A dynamic self-regulatory processing model. Psychological Inquiry, 12(4), 177–196.

Wurst, S. N., Gerlach, T. M., Dufner, M., Rauthmann, J. F., Grosz, M. P., & Back, M. D. (2014). Narcissism and romantic relationships: The differential impact of narcissistic admiration and rivalry. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 107(6), 951–973.