Welcome to my Blog
Thank you for stopping by. This space is where I share research, reflections, and practical tools drawn from my experience as a marriage and family therapist.
Are you a couple looking for clarity? A professional curious about the science of relationships? Or simply someone interested in how love and resilience work? I’m glad you’ve found your way here. I can help with that.
Each post is written with one goal in mind: to help you better understand yourself, your partner, and the hidden dynamics that shape human connection.
Grab a coffee (or a notebook), explore what speaks to you, and take what’s useful back into your life and relationships. And if a post sparks a question, or makes you realize you could use more support, I’d love to hear from you.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
~Daniel
P.S.
Feel free to explore the categories below to find past blog posts on the topics that matter most to you. If you’re curious about attachment, navigating conflict, or strengthening intimacy, these archives are a great way to dive deeper into the research and insights that I’ve been sharing for years.
- Attachment Issues
- Coronavirus
- Couples Therapy
- Extramarital Affairs
- Family Life and Parenting
- How to Fight Fair
- Inlaws and Extended Families
- Intercultural Relationships
- Marriage and Mental Health
- Married Life & Intimate Relationships
- Neurodiverse Couples
- Separation & Divorce
- Signs of Trouble
- Social Media and Relationships
- What Happy Couples Know
The Bank of Mom and Dad: When Financial Help Becomes Emotional Debt
Your phone buzzes:
“Rent’s due—thanks, Mom ❤️.”
You stare at the heart emoji like it’s a receipt.
You tell yourself this is the last time.
Then you transfer the money and spend the next hour pretending you feel generous instead of cornered.
That’s how emotional debt begins: not with anger, but with relief.
Welcome to the quiet epidemic of financial enmeshment, where love and money blur into one long family subscription you forgot to cancel.
Do Beauty Ideals Shift with Socioeconomic Status?
The dorm light flickers. A cracked phone leans against a coffee mug. She snaps another shot, widens her eyes, shrinks her chin, and waits for the algorithm to smile back.
A new study in Telematics and Informatics — by Yao Song, Qiyuan Zhou, Wenyi Li, and Yuqing Liu of Sichuan University and Hong Kong Polytechnic University — analyzed more than 13,000 pairs of edited selfies from Rednote, one of China’s most popular lifestyle apps.
The researchers wanted to quantify what beauty means when filtered through class.
They discovered that as regional income falls, faces grow softer. Eyes widen, noses shrink, jaws narrow, skin brightens. The lower the GDP, the younger the face looks.
We talk about beauty as personal expression, but Liu’s dataset reads more like economic confession.
Does Your Relationship with Your Parents Influence Your Sexual Fantasies?
In America, sex is both our national pastime and sometimes, our private shame.
We sell it in every advertisement, moralize it in every sermon, and sanitize it in every therapy session.
So when researchers ask whether our childhood relationships with our parents shape the fantasies that later flicker in our adult bedrooms, it exposes the one subject Americans never quite domesticated—desire itself.
Attachment theory, the backbone of modern relationship science, argues that our first caregivers teach us how safe intimacy feels—a script we keep rehearsing for the rest of our lives.
A 2025 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, led by Ellen Zakreski and colleagues, found that adults who reported poorer relationships with their parents were more likely to endorse violent sexual fantasies—those involving coercion, humiliation, or control. This link was mediated by insecure attachment styles, particularly preoccupied and fearful-avoidant.
In plain English: people who learned early that love was unpredictable or unsafe may eroticize that tension later, turning fear itself into arousal.
But it’s not a straight line of causation.
The study is correlational, not causal, and those associations—while statistically solid—are moderate. Still, the message is clear: childhood patterns echo in the most intimate corners of adult life.
How We Stopped Believing in Sin
When we stopped believing in sin, we didn’t become innocent; we just lost the words for what was killing us.
The air purifier hums softly in the therapy office. A diploma glows faintly in its frame.
Between the couch and the chair, the silence is designed — professional, tolerant, well-lit. It’s the kind of silence that never accuses, never blesses.
Half a world and sixteen centuries away, a monk sits in a desert cell copying Evagrius Ponticus’s list of eight evil thoughts.
The wind scratches at the stone; candlelight wavers.
He writes the words as if each one could save a soul: gluttony, lust, avarice, sadness, anger, acedia, vainglory, pride.
Two rooms, two centuries, grappling with the same human aches and pains.
Why Rich People Seem So Mean: The Psychology of Wealth and Empathy
Every era writes its own parable about money.
In the 1980s, it was Gordon Gekko—greed with a gym membership.
In the 2000s, the venture capitalist with his Patagonia vest.
In the 2020s, the crypto messiah preaching freedom from a tax haven.
America, ever the imaginative nation, keeps restyling avarice as innovation. We admire the rich, but only if they look busy while they’re doing it.
We don’t just tolerate selfishness; we canonize it. The hustler, the founder, the “self-made” man—all baptized in the same holy water of ambition.
We pretend to loathe them, but deep down, we’re taking notes. Every generation revises the gospel of greed, and every generation believes it’s moral this time.
The Science of Trust in America: Why We Believe in Love, But Not Necessarily in Each Other
“In God We Trust” appears on every dollar bill, which is probably why Americans handle both faith and money so anxiously.
We trust in God because we don’t quite trust anyone else.
The phrase is less theology than branding — a leftover Cold War jingle printed on currency that loses value every time we betray each other.
Trust is our national mood swing.
We romanticize it, litigate it, and outsource it to apps.
Once a social assumption, it’s now a bespoke product: custom-built, algorithmically monitored, and forever on backorder.
The Teen Narcissism Paradox: When Ego Becomes a Healthy Survival Strategy
Teenagers are born narcissists. They think the world is a waiting room for their arrival—and, to be fair, sometimes it is.
A new study in Personality and Individual Differences suggests that certain forms of adolescent narcissism might actually help kids function, at least when life isn’t falling apart.
Once stress ramps up, that same “specialness” starts to look less like confidence and more like an audition for a reality show no one asked to host.
The research, led by Qiming Yu and Silin Huang at Beijing Normal University, found that how narcissism plays out depends less on character and more on chemistry—specifically the body’s allostatic load, a measure of how much chronic stress has worn down the system.
Low stress? Grandiose narcissists can be surprisingly generous.
High stress? They might start throwing elbows.
Why We Leave Relationships: The Psychology of Breakups, Gender, and Culture
She rinsed the same coffee cup for the third time that morning. The handle had a hairline crack she’d never noticed before.
Her husband was upstairs, humming through his electric-toothbrush routine, and in that small domestic hum she heard something irreversible.
Nothing dramatic—no affair, no betrayal. Just a slow, accumulating certainty that she could no longer live the life she had built so meticulously.
That quiet moment—unseen, unannounced—is the true beginning of most breakups.
A new framework published in The Journal of General Psychology—Intending to Break Up: Exploring Romantic Relationship Dissolution from an Integrated Behavioral Intention Framework—explains that pause before leaving.
Psychologists Anna M. Semanko and Verlin B. Hinsz argue that ending a relationship is rarely impulsive.
It’s a deliberate, reasoned act—constructed from beliefs, emotions, and social expectations.
Their model integrates the Reasoned Action Approach (Fishbein & Ajzen, 2011) and Triandis’s Theory of Interpersonal Behavior—frameworks typically used to explain job-quitting or health decisions.
Semanko and Hinsz apply them to heartbreak.
Pain, Pleasure & the Porn Paradox: Why Some Women Find Aggression Arousing
Ask ten people what turns them on, and at least one will hesitate—because their answer sounds like a crime scene. That hesitation is where modern desire lives: between wanting control and wanting to be released from it.
A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that many pornography viewers—especially women—are aroused by aggression.
Not cruelty, not humiliation.
The draw is that strange current where pleasure and pain meet and start speaking the same language.
Sociologist Eran Shor, who led the research, interviewed 302 adults about how they interpret aggression, pain, and pleasure in pornographic scenes.
Their answers weren’t lurid—they were recognizably human: ambivalent, curious, and conflicted. Desire, it turns out, is rarely tidy, and never purely moral.
Your Brain’s Secret Talent: Making Maps Out of Thin Air
If you’ve ever walked into a new grocery store and, within moments, felt you could draw it from memory—produce to the left, snacks to the right, moral collapse in aisle five—you’ve just performed a quiet act of genius.
According to new research in Cell Reports (Tenderra & Theves, 2025), people with higher fluid intelligence—that is, reasoning ability rather than rote knowledge—don’t just think faster.
They navigate reality more elegantly.
Their brains build structured internal maps of how things relate to one another, especially through the hippocampus, a region central to memory, space, and imagination.
Smarter minds don’t just think faster; they organize experience better.
The Benefits of Quitting Cannabis and Vaping: How Clarity, Calm, and Connection Can Return
You wake up clear-headed for the first time in months.
The room looks the same, but it feels sharper, almost audible. Your nervous system has started its slow repair.
Quitting isn’t necessarily about virtue.
It’s about the quiet courage of letting your body remember what peace feels like.
For years, you’ve been outsourcing calm to chemistry.
When you stop, your system begins to do the work itself—haltingly, sometimes impatiently, but honestly.
You don’t lose yourself when you quit—you meet the version of you that can feel again.
The Problem of Outgrowing Everyone Around You
There’s a peculiar ache that comes with growth—the kind no one warns you about, because it makes the people who haven’t grown yet uncomfortable.
You don’t plan it.
You just wake up one day and realize that the people who once fit your life like a favorite sweater now itch, constrict, or simply don’t match the weather anymore.
Outgrowing everyone around you isn’t a declaration of superiority—it’s a quiet kind of exile.
The price of evolving is often paid in companionship.