In his book, The Science of Trust, Dr. John Gottman explains that 91% of our time spent together as a couple is spent as a foursome…because when you’re not emotionally available with your real partner, you may be in deep communion with the partner in your head.

That’s why this post talks to you about one of the most powerful interventions in science-based couples therapy…the Gottman Repair Checklist.

We all know how hard it can be to refuse requests—more than three-quarters of people accept social invitations they'd rather avoid just to keep the peace.

But what if there was a way to say "No" comfortably? Good news: there is!

Ever hesitated to ask for a favor, fearing rejection or revealing your own insecurities? You're not alone. But here's the kicker: you're actually 50% more persuasive than you think!

Why? Psychological research shows we often underestimate our persuasive powers. People comply with our requests far more often than we imagine.

As a couples therapist, I have had the privilege of guiding many folks and couples through the rocky terrain of recovering from narcissistic abuse.

It's a journey as unique as the individuals embarking on it, yet certain behaviors often emerge as common coping mechanisms.

Understanding these behaviors is crucial for healing and growth.

Today, let's explore eight such behaviors with a touch of humor, a lot of compassion, and wisdom from thought leaders in narcissism.

Many women with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are particularly complex.

As a couples therapist, I've observed the emotional highs and lows that characterize these relationships.

This post will explore the emotional journey of a borderline female moving through a relationship, from idealization to the repetitive cycles that often ensue.

We'll examine these 7 key stages and incorporate insights from thought leaders to enrich our understanding.

Sandra Thomas at the University of Tennessee conducted a large-scale empirical study of the “ordinary anger of everyday women.”

Her research suggests that there are three consistent themes to the source of a woman’s anger; irresponsibility of others, injustice, and powerlessness. Let’s tip-toe in!

…as if all the above wasn’t hard enough, a good couples therapist will like you and be likable.

This is a “Therapeutic Alliance” that requires trust and goodwill.

If you don’t honestly feel that your couples therapist is rooting for you, you won’t be able to trust enough in the therapeutic relationship to work as hard as you can.

Fire the asshole and move on…

Imagine if you could turn back the clock on your brain by simply investing one hour a week in aerobic workouts.

Sounds like a dream, right?

Well, research has found that short aerobic workouts can provide an immense boost to your memory and thinking skills, effectively removing 5 years of brain aging.

Let’s face it. Intimacy is hard work. Navigating the complexities of intimate relationships can be challenging under the best of circumstances.

However, when your partner exhibits traits and behaviors characteristic of a personality disorder, these challenges can escalate into a daily battle for emotional and physical safety.

As a couples therapist, I have encountered some folks ensnared in relationships with partners who, beneath a veneer of charm and intelligence, harbor deeply destructive tendencies.

In this post, we’ll consider the nuanced and often hidden dynamics of such relationships, outlining key warning signs and behaviors that can help you identify when to seek help and protect yourself.

\

Doom scrolling is the compulsive consumption of problem-saturated media content.

The scroll describes the endless feed of posts, memes, and articles many of which feed our plugged-in brains with doom, gloom, and drama.

This intense information that is readily available on your screens pulls you out of your current realities. It can cause us to neglect our own self-care.

The anxiety-producing and addictive nature of doom scrolling might be taking a toll on your marital happiness, too…

John Gottman’s 1999 study, Predicting Divorce among Newlyweds from the First Three Minutes of a Marital Conflict, was a landmark event in couples therapy research.

Gottman discovered they could predict the likelihood of a couple’s divorce by observing just the first 3 minutes of a conflict discussion…

New research confirms something we sort of already knew. Conflict resolution skills in marriage are essential for success.

But because of new research, we now have a better appreciation of how important it actually is…