10 Signs of a Female Malignant, Antisocial Borderline Personality Disorder
Wednesday, June 19, 2024
Let’s face it. Intimacy is hard work. Navigating the complexities of intimate relationships can be challenging under the best of circumstances.
However, when your partner exhibits traits and behaviors characteristic of a severe personality disorder, these challenges can escalate into a daily battle for emotional and physical safety.
As a couples therapist, I have encountered a few folks ensnared in relationships with partners who, beneath a veneer of charm and intelligence, harbor deeply destructive tendencies.
These women are as rare as they are dangerous. Most women with BPD do not act like this.
In this post, we’ll consider the nuanced and often hidden dynamics of such relationships, outlining key warning signs and behaviors that can help you identify when to seek help and protect yourself.
The only therapy you need with these women is a good pair of running shoes…
Understanding these behaviors—ranging from manipulation and violence to impulsivity and betrayal—requires a thorough examination of the psychological mechanisms at play.
Drawing on the expertise of renowned psychologists and researchers, we will explore how these behaviors manifest, their impact on victims, and why it is crucial to recognize and act upon these red flags. The goal is not only to provide insight, but also to empower you to make informed decisions about your well-being.
Whether you are currently in a tumultuous relationship, have a loved one who might be at risk, or simply wish to educate yourself on these critical issues, this guide offers valuable knowledge and practical advice. It is a call to awareness and action, underscoring the importance of prioritizing your safety and mental health above all else.
Articulate Feral Intelligence, Yet Appears Normal. You’ll Notice the Absence of Moral Guardrails later.
At first glance, she seems perfect. She is articulate, smart, and appears normal. She charms you with her intelligence and seemingly genuine interest in your life. However, this façade is a carefully constructed mask to hide her true nature.
Dr. Martha Stout, a clinical psychologist, describes this deceptive appearance as one of the hallmarks of sociopaths who seamlessly blend into society, making their true intentions difficult to discern (Stout, 2005).
Shares Her Pain to Ensnare and Manipulate You, Then, When You Share, She Uses Your Secrets Against You
Early on, she shares her pain and past traumas to gain your sympathy. This emotional vulnerability is a tactic to ensnare you, creating a false sense of intimacy and trust. Once she has you hooked, she weaponizes the information you've shared, using it to manipulate and control you.
According to Dr. Craig Malkin, individuals with high levels of narcissistic traits often engage in this behavior to create dependency and exert power over their partners (Malkin, 2015).
Domestic Violence, Police Involvement, and Escalating Conflicts Based on Lies
Her charming exterior can quickly give way to a darker side. Interpersonal violence and police involvement may become a common occurrence. She thrives on conflict, and her aggressive behavior can escalate to dangerous levels.
Protecting yourself from her violent tendencies becomes a daily struggle. Research by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) highlights that abusers often use charm and manipulation to conceal their violent tendencies until they have gained significant control over their victims (NCADV, 2021).
Lying, Cheating, Stealing, Fraud, as well as Diverse Sorts of Callous and Malicious Behavior
She has no qualms about lying, cheating, and stealing. Her actions are callous and malicious, with no regard for the rights or feelings of others. Her lack of empathy and moral compass can leave you reeling, questioning your judgment and sanity.
Dr. Robert Hare, an expert in psychopathy, explains that such individuals lack the emotional depth to understand or care about the harm they cause others (Hare, 1993).
Substance Abuse, Impulsivity, and Promiscuity
Substance abuse, impulsive decisions, and promiscuity are often part of her behavior. These reckless actions not only jeopardize her well-being but also create a volatile environment for those around her. Her impulsivity can lead to unpredictable and dangerous situations.
Studies show that folks with personality disorders often exhibit high levels of impulsivity and engage in risky behaviors as a means of coping with their internal turmoil (Linehan, 1993).
Trauma Bond: Defending Her Despite Everything…No Matter What
Despite the chaos and abuse, a trauma bond develops. Your loyalty becomes intertwined with her manipulation, leading you to defend her actions. This bond is powerful and difficult to break, often keeping you trapped in a toxic relationship.
Patrick Carnes, a leading expert on addiction and trauma bonding, describes this phenomenon as a powerful emotional attachment that arises from repeated cycles of abuse and reconciliation (Carnes, 1997).
Betrayal Leads to Revenge and Vindictive Engagement
When she feels betrayed, her response is often revenge and vindictiveness. She seeks your destruction, using any means necessary to achieve her goal. Her actions can be relentless and brutal, leaving you devastated and vulnerable.
Dr. Donald Dutton's research on the psychology of abusive relationships highlights the extreme measures some individuals will take to maintain control and punish those they perceive as having wronged them (Dutton, 2007).
No Apology, No Remorse: Childlike Reasoning
She never apologizes or shows remorse for her actions. Her reasoning is often childlike, deflecting blame and refusing to take responsibility. This lack of accountability exacerbates the cycle of abuse and manipulation.
Dr. George Simon explains that individuals with certain personality disorders exhibit this type of behavior as a means of avoiding guilt and maintaining their self-image (Simon, 2010).
Unstable Emotions in Love: Fear of Abandonment and Emotional Distress
Her emotions are highly unstable, especially in matters of love. She fears abandonment intensely, causing emotional distress for both of you. Her attachment is unpredictable, oscillating between intense affection and extreme detachment, leaving you constantly on edge.
Dr. John Bowlby's attachment theory provides a framework for understanding these behaviors, particularly in individuals with disorganized attachment styles who exhibit both intense neediness and fear of intimacy (Bowlby, 1988).
You Feel Sorry for Her Pain and Trauma, But You Can’t Fix Her. Run!
You may feel deep compassion for her pain and trauma, wanting to fix and save her. However, it's crucial to recognize that you cannot heal her wounds. The cycle of abuse will continue, and the only way to protect yourself is to run. Prioritize your well-being and seek support to break free from the toxic relationship.
Dr. Robin Stern's work on the "gaslight effect" emphasizes the importance of recognizing manipulation and taking steps to protect oneself from further harm (Stern, 2007).
Final thoughts
In conclusion, recognizing the signs of a toxic and potentially dangerous relationship is the first step toward reclaiming your life and well-being.
While the journey may be fraught with emotional challenges and difficult decisions, it is crucial to prioritize your safety and mental health. Understanding the behaviors of a manipulative partner—from their deceptive charm to their abusive tendencies—empowers you to break free from the cycle of abuse.
As a couples therapist, I urge you to seek support from trusted friends, family, and professionals. But couples therapy is out of the question.
Remember, you deserve a relationship built on respect, trust, and genuine affection.
Taking the courageous step to leave a harmful relationship is not a sign of weakness but a profound act of self-respect and strength.
Your future promises healing and healthier connections, beginning with the decision to run from what harms you.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
References
Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.
Carnes, P. (1997). The betrayal bond: Breaking free of exploitive relationships. Health Communications.
Dutton, D. G. (2007). The abusive personality: Violence and control in intimate relationships. The Guilford Press.
Hare, R. D. (1993). Without conscience: The disturbing world of the psychopaths among us. The Guilford Press.
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. The Guilford Press.
Malkin, C. (2015). Rethinking narcissism: The bad—and surprising good—about feeling special. HarperCollins.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV). (2021). Statistics. Retrieved from https://ncadv.org/STATISTICS
Simon, G. (2010). In sheep's clothing: Understanding and dealing with manipulative people. Parkhurst Brothers.
Stern, R. (2007). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. Morgan Road Books.
Stout, M. (2005). The sociopath next door: The ruthless versus the rest of us. Broadway Books.
