The science of asking for a favor

Thursday, June 20, 2024.

Ever hesitated to ask for a favor, fearing rejection or revealing your own insecurities? You're not alone. But here's the kicker: you're actually 50% more persuasive than you think!

Why? Psychological research shows we often underestimate our persuasive powers. People comply with our requests far more often than we imagine.

In a fascinating study, hundreds of participants asked over 14,000 strangers for favors.

These favors ranged from mundane (like borrowing a phone) to the quirky (like writing "pickle" in a library book). Surprisingly, 64% of people agreed to deface a library book despite initial concerns about getting in trouble. Imagine that!

The Power of Persuasion

On average, we underestimate people's willingness to comply by about 50%. It turns out, saying "no" is much harder than we think.

Dr. Vanessa Bohns, an expert on social influence, explains:

“…this phenomenon is the result of requesters’ failure to appreciate how uncomfortable it would be for targets to say ‘no’ to a request. A target’s refusal would constitute a ‘face-threatening act,’ potentially calling into question the requester’s trustworthiness or the appropriateness of the request…”

So why do we dread asking for favors? We fear rejection or exposing our own inadequacies. As Dr. Bohns and Professor Flynn note:

“…when it comes to other people, we tend to lack confidence in our ability to get them to do what we want… The sheer magnitude of our influence over others may impair our judgments of others’ intentionality…”

What Does the Research Say?

Two key studies illustrate these points:

Bohns & Flynn (2016), published in Research in Organizational Behavior, explores how we underestimate others' willingness to comply with our direct requests.

Bohns (2016), in Psychological Science, delves into the social dynamics and discomfort associated with refusing requests.

Final thoughts

Next time you hesitate to ask for a favor, remember: you're more persuasive than you think! Whether you need a hand with a project or just want someone to write "pickle" in a book, go ahead and ask. The odds are in your favor.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

• Bohns, V. K., & Flynn, F. J. (2016). Why didn’t you just ask? Underestimating the discomfort of help-seeking. Research in Organizational Behavior, 36, 57-86.

• Bohns, V. K. (2016). (Mis)understanding our influence over others: A review of the underestimation-of-compliance effect. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 25(2), 119-123.

For more information, you can visit Dr. Vanessa Bohns' research page here.

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