Hoovering is a manipulative tactic used by folks—often those with narcissistic tendencies or other toxic personality traits—to regain control or re-enter a relationship after a breakup or period of separation.

The term is derived from the vacuum brand "Hoover," symbolizing how the person attempts to "suck" their former partner back into the relationship.Hoovering is rooted in control and manipulation, and understanding the psychological dynamics at play can help you see through the tactics.

Toxic humans, particularly those with narcissistic tendencies, thrive on validation and control.

They experience what’s known as narcissistic supply—a need for attention, adoration, and emotional engagement from those around them. When you break free and go no contact, you cut off this supply, leaving them feeling powerless or abandoned.

Hoovering is a way to reclaim that power. It often taps into emotional vulnerabilities, triggering feelings of guilt, nostalgia, or responsibility in the person who has been manipulated.

Research shows that toxic relationships, especially those with narcissists, can create something known as trauma bonds—emotional attachments that form during cycles of abuse and reconciliation (Carnes, 1997).

Breaking up is hard enough, but breaking up with a toxic ex can be even more complicated. Often, the best advice for healing from a toxic relationship is to establish a firm boundary—complete no contact.

This strategy is designed to protect your mental health, rebuild emotional stability, and create space for personal growth.

However, this process can leave your toxic ex feeling devalued, discarded, or even enraged.

This emotional paradox can make the no contact rule feel like a double-edged sword—one that both protects and disrupts.

In this post, we’ll explore the no contact rule, the reactions of a toxic ex, and how to navigate this complex dynamic.

You’ll learn how to protect yourself from further emotional manipulation while understanding why your ex might feel abandoned or rejected.

There’s something fascinating about the way emotions typically run high at an iconic Trump rally. It’s not just about politics—it’s about collective energy, belonging, and the thrill of rebellion.

In the world of psychoanalysis, there's a term for this kind of deep, almost excessive enjoyment: jouissance.

French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan used the word to describe the type of pleasure that’s both thrilling and a little bit uncomfortable, where you push boundaries and break norms.

For Trump supporters, the rallies were more than just political events—they were an emotional experience that tapped into this jouissance by creating a space to defy the status quo, cheer, chant, and push back against what they saw as the "establishment."

But what happens when that pleasure gets disrupted?

Imagine this: Trump loses another election, and just before Thanksgiving, he’s sentenced to 5 years in prison. How does the energy that has fueled his rallies translate into such a sudden, shocking defeat? And most importantly, how will Trump’s most loyal supporters—the so-called "Trump cult"—react?

The End of Jouissance as They Know It?

When it comes to understanding why people stay in relationships—or leave them—Caryl Rusbult’s Investment Model is one of the most insightful and influential frameworks in social psychology.

Developed in the 1980s, Rusbult's Investment Model offers a comprehensive explanation of commitment in relationships, focusing on three critical factors: satisfaction, quality of alternatives, and investment.

John Gottman, one of the most renowned relationship experts, has praised Rusbult's work for its depth and accuracy, often referring to her research when discussing long-term relationship dynamics.

In this post, we'll explore the nuances of Rusbult's Investment Model, explaining each component in detail and demonstrating why it remains a key theory in understanding romantic relationships.

We'll also highlight Gottman’s reflections on Rusbult’s legacy, emphasizing the significant impact of her work in the field of relationship psychology.

Our nervous system is smarter than we give it credit for.

Sometimes, when we’re too busy or emotionally invested to notice that something's off in our relationship, our bodies step in to give us a nudge (or a shove).

Here are five signs from your nervous system that it might be time to re-evaluate your relationship.

Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Without it, the emotional connection starts to break down, leaving you feeling hurt and undervalued.

If you're sensing something isn't quite right, it may be time to take a closer look at how your partner is treating you. You might need to re-assess your relationship boundaries.

Here are nine signs that your partner may not be respecting you—and why that matters for your emotional well-being.

Relationships can be challenging, especially when you feel your partner isn’t as engaged as you are. If you’re questioning whether your partner is emotionally invested, you might be noticing subtle signs of detachment.

Here are 10 key behaviors that could indicate your partner isn't as fond of you as they once were—and what that means for your relationship.

Dr. Tracy Vaillancourt is a renowned psychologist and researcher whose work has significantly shaped how we understand bullying, aggression, and mental health in child development.

Her research, grounded in both evolutionary and social psychology, highlights the deep emotional and psychological impacts bullying has on children and adolescents.

Whether you're a parent, educator, or someone passionate about children's well-being, understanding Dr. Vaillancourt’s work can provide valuable insights into creating a kinder, more inclusive environment for all kids.

Amy Wax’s ideas on family structure, middle-class values, and the intersection of race and class offer a strong critique of what she sees as the erosion of traditional values in American society.

Amy Wax is a law professor at the University of Pennsylvania known for her strong and often controversial opinions on topics like race, immigration, and culture.

She has sparked lively debates with her arguments about the importance of certain cultural values, but her views have also drawn criticism, with some accusing her of promoting divisive ideas.

Despite the controversy, she remains an active participant in public discussions, engaging in conversations that touch on complex and sensitive issues.

While her views spark much debate, it’s important to engage thoughtfully with her arguments and explore the broader research that has contributed to this conversation.

For some families, the idea of what it means to “take care of the family” is undergoing a significant transformation, especially in upper-class circles.

With the demands of high-profile careers, managing wealth, and maintaining social capital, many couples are turning to a model of family life where professional outsourcing plays a central role.

Whether it’s hiring nannies, private tutors, elder care providers, or household managers, the outsourcing of family care allows upper-class families to pursue their ambitions while ensuring their loved ones receive the best possible care and attention.

Marriage has long been viewed as a union built on love and companionship. But for an increasing number of couples—particularly in the American upper class—there is a shift happening.

The strategic partnership marriage is a rising trend that blends emotional connection with a shared commitment to building long-term financial stability, social status, and legacy.

This approach treats marriage as not just a romantic endeavor but a joint venture, where partners work together like co-CEOs to manage their family’s wealth, parenting strategies, and social positioning.

In this post, we will dive deep into the strategic partnership marriage model, explore how it’s shaping modern relationships, and why it’s poised to dominate the future of marriage.

As a family therapist, I’ve spent a lot of time pondering what makes a person “morally exceptional.”

Is it their ability to empathize, their sense of fairness, or maybe their knack for handling those chaotic PTA meetings with grace?

Turns out, these questions are at the heart of a new study published in the Journal of Personality, which sheds light on the traits that separate morally exceptional individuals from the rest of us mere mortals.

And guess what? Empathy, guilt-proneness, and moral identity top the list—so, maybe your grandma who never lets anyone leave the dinner table hungry was onto something all along.