9 Signs That Your Partner Doesn't Respect You (And Why That Matters)
Sunday, September 8, 2024.
Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Without it, the emotional connection starts to break down, leaving you feeling hurt and undervalued.
If you're sensing something isn't quite right, it may be time to take a closer look at how your partner is treating you. You might need to re-assess your relationship boundaries.
Here are nine signs that your partner may not be respecting you—and why that matters for your emotional well-being.
Lies, Lies, and More Lies
Let’s be real: nobody likes being lied to.
Trust is the glue that holds relationships together, and when your partner starts to stretch the truth, it’s a big red flag. If your partner lies—whether about little things or big ones—it shows they don’t value your trust. You deserve honesty, and without it, how can you truly feel secure in the relationship?
Research shows that honesty and trust go hand-in-hand with relationship satisfaction (Simpson, 2007).
Silent Treatment: The Cold Shoulder
When your partner gives you the silent treatment, it’s more than just frustrating—it’s a form of manipulation.
They’re not just shutting you out; they’re also taking control of the situation by refusing to communicate. This tactic, often referred to as stonewalling, is one of the biggest predictors of relationship breakdowns (Gottman & Silver, 1999). If your partner ignores you when things get tough, they’re not respecting your need for healthy communication.
Boundaries? What Boundaries?
A healthy relationship requires both partners to respect each other’s personal space, privacy, and emotional boundaries.
If your partner is always prying into your personal business or disregarding your needs, it’s a sign they’re not respecting your boundaries. Boundaries are there to keep you feeling safe and valued, and your partner should respect them.
Research supports that healthy boundaries help relationships thrive (Perrone-McGovern et al., 2014).
Using Your Insecurities Against You
Your partner should be your biggest supporter, not someone who tears you down.
But if they use your insecurities to hurt or manipulate you, that’s a serious problem. This behavior is not only disrespectful but can also be emotionally damaging. In fact, studies show that this kind of emotional abuse can lead to lowered self-esteem and a lot of relationship distress (Torres et al., 2011). A respectful partner will protect your vulnerabilities, not weaponize them.
Name-Calling (Even in Anger)
Everyone gets upset sometimes, but there’s a line that should never be crossed.
If your partner resorts to name-calling or verbally abusive language when they’re angry, it’s a major sign of disrespect. Words can leave lasting scars, and no one deserves to be called hurtful names—ever. Verbal aggression can deeply impact the health and happiness of a relationship (Vangelisti, 2001), so don’t ignore it.
Interrupting and Correcting You All the Time
Does your partner constantly cut you off or correct what you’re saying?
These behaviors might seem small, but they actually show a lack of respect for your thoughts and feelings. Interrupting someone is a subtle way of asserting power, and it can make you feel like your voice doesn’t matter. Research shows that interruptions are often a way of dominating conversations (Tannen, 1990), which is definitely not what you want in a loving relationship.
Snooping Through Your Stuff
We all value our privacy, and it’s completely normal to expect your partner to respect that.
If they’re snooping through your phone, emails, or personal belongings, that’s a serious violation of trust. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and trust, not on sneaky behavior. When your partner invades your privacy, it signals mistrust, which can weaken the foundation of your relationship (Markman et al., 2010).
Making Big Decisions Without You
In a healthy partnership, big decisions—like financial choices, moving, or major life changes—should be made together. If your partner is making these decisions solo, they’re not respecting your role in the relationship. Relationships are partnerships, and both people deserve to have a say. Power sharing is key to relationship satisfaction and longevity (Sprecher & Felmlee, 1997).
Dismissing Your Feelings
Your feelings matter. Period.
If your partner tells you how you should feel instead of acknowledging how you actually dofeel, they’re dismissing your emotional experience. This might seem small, but it’s a huge deal. Empathy and validation are essential in any relationship, and when your partner fails to offer that, it shows they’re not respecting your emotional needs (Davis, 1983).
So, What Can You Do?
If you’re recognizing some of these behaviors in your relationship, it’s important to address them.
Respect is non-negotiable, and everyone deserves to feel valued, heard, and supported in their relationship.
Start by having an open conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling and what you need to change. If things don’t improve, it may be time to reassess whether this relationship is truly giving you the respect you deserve.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Davis, M. H. (1983). Measuring individual differences in empathy: Evidence for a multidimensional approach. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 44(1), 113-126. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.44.1.113
Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony Books.
Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (2010). Fighting for your marriage: A deluxe revised edition of the classic best-seller for enhancing marriage and preventing divorce. Jossey-Bass.
Perrone-McGovern, K. M., Simon-Dack, S., Beduna, K. N., Williams, C. C., & Esche, A. C. (2014). Emotions and behavior: The importance of maintaining healthy boundaries in personal relationships. Journal of Positive Psychology, 9(2), 131-147.
Simpson, J. A. (2007). Psychological foundations of trust. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 16(5), 264-268.
Sprecher, S., & Felmlee, D. (1997). The balance of power in romantic heterosexual couples over time from "his" and "her" perspectives. Sex Roles, 37(5-6), 361-379.
Tannen, D. (1990). You just don’t understand: Women and men in conversation. William Morrow.
Torres, L., Driscoll, M. W., & Voell, M. (2011). Discrimination, acculturation, acculturative stress, and Latino psychological distress: A moderated mediational model. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology, 18(1), 17-25.
Vangelisti, A. L. (2001). Making sense of hurtful interactions in close relationships: When hurt feelings create distance. In V. Manusov & M. L. Patterson (Eds.), The Sage handbook of nonverbal communication (pp. 373-395). Sage Publications.