What Traits Make Someone Morally Exceptional?

Friday, September 6, 2024.

As a family therapist, I’ve spent some time pondering what makes a person “morally exceptional.”

Is it their ability to empathize, their sense of fairness, or maybe their knack for handling those chaotic PTA meetings with grace?

Turns out, these questions are at the heart of a new study published in the Journal of Personality, which sheds light on the traits that separate morally exceptional individuals from the rest of us mere mortals.

And guess what? Empathy, guilt-proneness, and moral identity top the list—so, maybe your grandma who never lets anyone leave the dinner table hungry was onto something all along.

The Study: Measuring Moral Excellence, One Trait at a Time

Researchers William Fleeson and his team were on a mission to crack the code of moral exceptionality.

They asked participants to identify three people in their lives: one they considered immoral (let’s hope no one in your immediate family made this list), one morally average, and one morally exceptional. From there, participants rated these folks on a host of moral and personality traits like guilt-proneness, self-control, and empathy.

What emerged was a surprising level of agreement on the traits that make someone morally exceptional.

People who were seen as "morally exceptional" weren’t just empathetic—they also had a strong moral identity, a reflective sense of moral attentiveness, and an ability to control impulses. In other words, they didn’t just feel bad when they messed up; they took the time to reflect on their actions and tried to do better next time. That’s some solid parenting right there.

Empathy: The MVP of Moral Traits

Empathy, unsurprisingly, was a major player in the moral game.

Folks who were seen as morally exceptional were those who could put themselves in others’ shoes and genuinely care about their well-being.

Whether it’s comforting a friend going through a tough time or standing up for someone being treated unfairly, empathy is a key ingredient in moral greatness. This aligns with what we often talk about in therapy: the ability to understand and respond to others' emotional needs is crucial for maintaining strong relationships and fostering a sense of community.

Research consistently shows that empathy is tied to prosocial behaviors—things like helping others, volunteering, and even just being kind. When we encourage kids (or even adults) to practice empathy, we’re not just making them nicer people—we’re potentially shaping morally exceptional individuals (Fleeson et al., 2024).

Guilt-Proneness: The Unsung Hero of Moral Consciousness

Interestingly, guilt-proneness was another top trait among the morally exceptional.

Now, don’t confuse this with shame; it’s not about feeling like a bad person.

Guilt-proneness is about feeling responsible when you’ve done something wrong and being motivated to make it right. These folks are the ones who apologize after an argument, make amends when they've hurt someone, and generally try to do better once they’ve made a mistake. Think of it as a built-in moral compass that nudges people in the right direction, even after they’ve gone astray.

Moral Identity: More Than Just Lip Service

Moral identity came through as a hallmark of the morally exceptional.

These are the people who don’t just talk the talk—they walk the walk. Their actions align with their values, and being a “good person” isn’t just something they aspire to; it’s core to their self-image. Whether it’s volunteering at the local shelter or quietly donating to a cause, morally exceptional folks integrate their moral values into their everyday lives. And they don’t need a social media post to tell the world about it.

The Political Divide: Empathy vs. Authority

Now, things got interesting when participants’ political leanings came into play.

Conservative participants tended to associate moral exceptionality with traits like religiosity, self-control, and respect for authority.

Liberals, on the other hand, put more weight on empathy, fairness, and concern for harm. It’s a reflection of the broader cultural differences we often see in moral psychology. Conservatives might value loyalty and tradition, while liberals focus more on equality and care for others (Fleeson et al., 2024).

This isn’t to say one side is morally superior to the other—just that different people prioritize different traits when it comes to what they see as “morally exceptional.” It also suggests that our sense of morality is influenced by our environment and belief systems, which is something to keep in mind when discussing values with family members who see the world a little differently.

Moral Relativism: Not Everyone Agrees on What’s Right

For those with a more relativistic view of morality, there was less agreement on what made someone morally exceptional.

This group didn’t necessarily subscribe to universal moral rules and instead saw morality as more individualized. They weren’t as likely to agree on traits like empathy, guilt-proneness, or self-control as markers of moral exceptionality, which raises some interesting questions about how much our personal experiences shape our moral judgments.

Takeaways for Parents and Families

So, what does this mean for us in the day-to-day grind of family life?

Well, it turns out that raising morally exceptional kids might be less about teaching them to follow rules and more about fostering traits like empathy, guilt-proneness (sounds odd, doesn’t it?), and a strong moral identity.

When we encourage our kids to think about how their actions affect others, to make amends when they’ve hurt someone, and to live in line with their values, we’re helping them build the foundations of moral exceptionality.

And let’s not forget—parents who model these behaviors are more likely to raise kids who do the same. So next time you feel bad about losing your patience, remember that showing your kids how to apologize and make things right is just as important as keeping your cool in the first place.

Final thoughts

In the end, while there’s a general consensus on some traits that make people morally exceptional—like empathy and moral identity—individual beliefs and cultural influences shape how we see morality.

Whether you're teaching kids to navigate tricky moral waters or reflecting on your own values, it's clear that being morally exceptional isn't about being perfect—it's about striving to be better, day by day.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Fleeson, W., Furr, R. M., Jayawickreme, E., Luke, D., Prentice, M., Reynolds, C. J., & Parham, A. H. (2024). Consensus, controversy, and chaos in the attribution of characteristics to the morally exceptional. Journal of Personality. https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12665