5 Signs from Your Nervous System That Your Relationship Might Be Ending
Sunday, September 8, 2024.
Our nervous system is smarter than we give it credit for.
Sometimes, when we’re too busy or emotionally invested to notice that something's off in our relationship, our bodies step in to give us a nudge (or a shove).
Here are five signs from your nervous system that it might be time to re-evaluate your relationship.
Feeling Like You’re in Relationship Limbo
Are you constantly wondering where you stand with your partner?
This uncertainty can trigger your nervous system into a state of chronic stress, which might show up as feeling restless, anxious, or even tense in your body.
Attachment theory suggests that a lack of clarity can create emotional turbulence and feelings of insecurity (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). If your relationship leaves you feeling like you're stuck in limbo, it may be a signal from your nervous system that something needs to change—whether it’s having a conversation for clarity or considering moving on.
The Little Things Start to Drive You Crazy
When everything your partner does starts to annoy you—whether it’s how they chew, leave dishes around, or talk about their day—it could be a sign that your nervous system is overloading.
It’s normal to feel occasional irritations in any relationship, but when the small stuff consistently grates on your nerves, it might be a bigger sign. This is your body’s way of telling you that your emotional tolerance has been depleted. Over time, resentment can build, and these irritations become harder to ignore (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
The ‘You’ in the Mirror Feels Like a Stranger
Have you noticed that you don’t quite feel like yourself anymore?
This loss of self is often a red flag that your relationship is no longer serving you. When your nervous system is in overdrive, it can manifest as a persistent feeling of unease or emotional disconnect.
You might even start to feel like you’re just playing a role in your own life. Studies show that prolonged stress in relationships can lead to emotional burnout and a lack of authenticity (Porges, 2011).
If you’re not recognizing yourself in the mirror, it might be your body’s way of saying it’s time for change.
Speaking Feels Like a Puzzle You Can’t Solve
Are you constantly overthinking how to communicate with your partner? If you’re tiptoeing around conversations, worrying about their reactions, or even avoiding certain topics altogether, your nervous system could be on high alert.
Research by Gottman & Silver (2015) shows that couples who struggle with open communication are more likely to experience heightened stress and emotional exhaustion. When even simple conversations feel like an unsolvable puzzle, your nervous system is likely telling you something deeper is wrong.
You’re Questioning Whether You Still Share the Same Core Values
Shared values are the foundation of any lasting relationship.
But when you start to question whether you and your partner are still aligned on life’s big issues, it can be a sign that your nervous system is flagging a deeper conflict. A misalignment of values often manifests as anxiety, frustration, or confusion.
According to Mikulincer & Shaver (2007), long-term happiness in relationships is closely tied to shared goals and values. If you're finding that core beliefs no longer match, it may explain why you're feeling unsettled.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert. Harmony Books.
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change. The Guilford Press.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.