When American Marriage Becomes a Luxury Good

Sunday, January 11, 2026.

Recently, I returned from the wonderful wedding of two dear clients, only to find that the Wall Street Journal recently ran a piece with a politely unsettling implication: marriage in America is increasingly concentrated among the affluent.

The article describes how the “economic contract” of marriage has shifted, with many young adults prioritizing financial stability before committing to wed.

The article’s core implication?
Marriage hasn’t become obsolete in America—it has become economically selective.

What the WSJ Is Really Saying (Without Saying It)

According to the reporting, marriage once often functioned as a cornerstone—a starting point in adulthood. Today, many people treat it as a capstone—something you do after achieving a degree of economic security.

This reflects deeper, well-documented shifts in how Americans now evaluate risk, stability, and commitment:

• Individuals aged 22–45 increasingly seek financial stability before marrying.

• Young adults delay marriage longer than previous generations, especially when housing, debt, and career uncertainty loom.

Marriage now asks couples to synchronize credit histories, health insurance, childcare plans, housing markets, and retirement planning—while also staying emotionally attuned and sexually alive. That’s a lot to ask when economic precarity is the norm in many households.

In other words:
Marriage hasn’t lost its meaning. It has gained too much weight.

A New Working Definition:

When marriage functions less as a stabilizing institution and more as a financial risk container, people without buffers opt out—not out of fear of commitment, but out of rational self-protection.

Same Institution, Different Math

For affluent couples, marriage often acts as a multiplier:
– Two stable incomes.
– Employer-based benefits.
– Predictable schedules.
– Access to childcare.
– A margin for error.

For economically precarious couples, marriage feels like a concentrator of risk:
– Shared debt.
– Legal entanglement.
– Fear of collapse if one partner falters.
– No buffer when life goes sideways.

Same vows..
But radically different arithmetic.

The Quiet Shift No One Names

Marriage used to be a starting point.
Now it’s treated like a capstone.

You don’t marry to build stability anymore.
You marry after you’ve already secured it.

That shift alone explains more about modern relationship patterns than a thousand essays about dating apps or declining romance.

Why This Matters for Families

When marriage clusters among the economically secure, it quietly reshapes the family landscape:

• Children in married households increasingly grow up where resources already exist.

• Unmarried parenting becomes more common where stress is already high.

• Marriage begins to read culturally as a reward for success, rather than a support during struggle.

This is how institutions hollow out—not by being rejected, but by becoming unreachable.

What This Sounds Like in the Therapy Room

In practice, couples don’t say, “We don’t believe in marriage.”

They say:

• “If one of us gets sick, everything collapses.”

• “We can’t afford to get this wrong.”

• “Love isn’t the issue—exposure is.”

These couples are not ambivalent. They are risk-literate.
They are responding accurately to a world where marriage amplifies risk instead of buffering it.

The Part the WSJ Doesn’t Say—But I Will

Marriage didn’t become elitist because love changed.

It became elitist because risk was redistributed downward.

As housing, healthcare, education, and childcare became unstable, people grew cautious about legally binding their futures together. That isn’t cynicism. It’s adaptive intelligence.

Therapist’s Note

The work is not to shame people back into marriage.

The work is to separate commitment from catastrophe—emotionally, legally, and practically—so partnership feels survivable again.

Until then, many partners will continue doing the most rational thing available to them: loving deeply while refusing a container that feels too heavy to carry.

Questions About Marriage and Economic Inequality

Why is marriage increasingly associated with affluence?

Marriage now concentrates financial, legal, and emotional risk. Couples with economic buffers are better positioned to absorb that risk, making marriage feel more accessible to the affluent.

Are people avoiding marriage because they fear commitment?

No. Research and reporting suggest most people still value long-term partnership. What many avoid is financial and legal exposure without a safety net.

How has the meaning of marriage changed over time?

Marriage has shifted from a starting point for building stability to a capstone achieved after economic security is established.

What does this shift mean for children and families?

When marriage clusters among the economically secure, children increasingly grow up in unequal household conditions, reinforcing class-based differences across generations.

How does this show up in couples therapy?

Couples often express fear of collapse rather than ambivalence about love — concerns about illness, debt, housing, or financial instability shape their hesitation more than emotional uncertainty.

Is cohabitation replacing marriage?

For many couples, yes. Cohabitation offers intimacy with fewer legal risks, though it often provides fewer protections for partners and children.

Final Thoughts

Marriage didn’t disappear.
It just got heavier.

And people, wisely, started asking whether they could carry it without being crushed.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Wolfe, R. (2025, September 22). Why marriage is increasingly for the affluent. The Wall Street Journal. https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/relationships/marriage-wealthy-luxury-class-3f792e67