Esther Perel’s name now floats effortlessly into dinner party conversations, TED playlists, and therapy sessions.

She didn’t just write books—Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs—she coined a worldview: one where eroticism is a dance of mystery and safety, and infidelity is reframed as a quest for lost selfhood. It’s seductive stuff.

But even seduction has its limits.

This post offers a clear-eyed, gently skeptical reexamination of Perel’s influence.

What do her ideas unlock? Where do they falter?

And how can therapists use her work without being dazzled by the sparkle and missing the substance?

Therapy, for a lot of neurodiverse couples, can feel like trying to dance to a song only one of you can hear.

One partner may want to analyze every emotional tremor, while the other just wants to know: “Can we fix this?”

And when therapy insists on peeling back childhood trauma in candlelit tones, it can feel more like emotional homework than healing.

That’s why Linda Metcalf’s elegant blend of Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) and Narrative Therapy is such a refreshing alternative.

It meets people where they are—and then walks forward with them.

And now, thanks to a 2021 study by Parker and Mosley, we can say with confidence that this approach doesn’t just sound good—it works.

Especially for couples where neurodivergence plays a central role in how love, conflict, and connection show up.

Let’s explore how Metcalf’s approach works, and what the research tells us about why it’s so effective.