Opposites attract?…Bullsh*t!
Friday, August 11, 2023.
Over 1,500 couples and close friends were surveyed about their beliefs, values, attitudes personalities, prejudices, and personalities.
The Punchline of the Research was Clear. The Notion that Opposite Attracts is Bullsh*t.
Opposites May Intrigue, but Most Humans Look for Similarity in Both their Closest Friendships, and Romantic Relationships, According to Recent Research.
In a partner, humans consistently prefer someone with a similar attitudes, beliefs and values
Similarity equals compatibility because humans do not change that much as they move through time.
That is why opposites generally do not attract — it is a fantasy that you will be able to overhaul an attractive other’s personality to make them more suitable as a life partner.
When two humans meet for the first time, they are first trying to discover what they have in common.
Any differences… will only likely to be magnified over the years.
Dr Angela Bahns, the study’s first author, said:
“Picture two strangers striking up a conversation on a plane, or a couple on a blind date.
From the very first moments of awkward banter, how similar the two people are is immediately and powerfully playing a role in future interactions.
Will they connect? Or walk away?
Those early recognitions of similarity are really consequential in that decision.”
The conclusions come from a study in which 1,523 pairs of friends, lovers and mere acquaintances were asked about their personalities, prejudices, values and attitudes.
The results showed that human traits do not ultimately converge over time.
Instead, humans choose to be lovers and intimate friends with ther humans who were already most similar to them at the outset.
Dr Bahns summed it up:
“Anything that disrupts the harmony of the relationship–such as areas of disagreement, especially on attitudes, values, or preferences that are important–is likely to persist.
Change is difficult and unlikely; it’s easier to select people who are compatible with your needs and goals from the beginning.”
One should also pursue relationships with dissimilar people, though, said Professor Chris Crandall, study co-author:
“Getting along with people who aren’t like you is really useful.
Friends are for comfort, taking it easy, relaxing, not being challenged — and those are good things.
But you can’t have only that need.
You also need new ideas, people to correct you when you’re loony.
If you hang out only with people who are loony like you, you can be out of touch with the big, beautiful diverse world.”
What do you think?
Stay kind, and Godspeed.
RESEARCH:
Bahns, A. J., Crandall, C. S., Gillath, O., & Preacher, K. J. (2017). Similarity in relationships as niche construction: Choice, stability, and influence within dyads in a free choice environment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 112(2), 329–355. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000088
