How Many Times Do People Fall in Love? New Research Says Twice — Here’s What That Really Means
Thursday, February 12, 2026.
“Twice in a lifetime.”
It sounds poetic. It sounds scarce. It sounds like something you would confess near the end of your life.
But according to a large U.S. survey published in Interpersona, most Americans report experiencing passionate love an average of 2.05 times across their lifespan (Gesselman et al., 2024).
Two.
Not every decade.
Not every partner.
Not every time someone makes your pulse quicken.
Two.
If that number is even approximately accurate, then much of what we casually call “falling in love” is something else.
What Counts as “Passionate Love”?
In this study, “passionate love” refers to intense longing, physiological arousal, intrusive thinking, and powerful sexual attraction — the surge typically associated with early-stage romantic attachment.
Conceptually, this maps onto the passion component of Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love (Sternberg, 1986).
It is not:
Deep affection.
Long-term commitment.
Companionate devotion.
It is voltage.
The destabilizing, dopamine-fueled narrowing of attention toward one person.
That distinction matters. Because modern culture routinely confuses passion with depth — and spark with suitability.
The Brain Cannot Sustain Fireworks
Romantic passion is strongly associated with dopaminergic reward pathways — the neural systems involved in novelty, pursuit, and motivation (Fisher, Aron, & Brown, 2005).
Dopamine thrives on uncertainty.
Attachment, by contrast, relies more heavily on bonding systems associated with oxytocin and long-term regulation. Attachment thrives on predictability.
Passion runs on pursuit.
Attachment runs on safety.
The nervous system cannot sustain peak novelty and peak predictability simultaneously. Passion is metabolically expensive. It feels electric because it is unstable.
When that intensity cools, many couples interpret the shift as incompatibility.
Often, it is simply biology completing its first act.
The Statistic That Should Relieve People
Fourteen percent of participants reported never having experienced passionate love.
That is not trivial.
That is one in seven adults.
In a culture that treats intense romance as a psychological milestone, this finding normalizes variation. Some individuals are less novelty-driven. Some attach cautiously. Some prioritize stability over surge.
Passionate love is not oxygen.
It is weather.
Some climates have more storms. Others do not. Both can sustain life.
Before We Canonize “2.05”
Intellectual discipline requires restraint.
The study relied on self-report. Participants defined “passionate love” subjectively. Memory across decades is imperfect. Retrospective reinterpretation — what psychologists call cognitive discounting — likely influenced totals.
When you ask someone to number their loves, you are asking them to narrate their identity.
Still, even allowing for bias, the cultural implication is disruptive:
Most people do not experience repeated, life-altering passion over and over.
The average is modest.
Which means something else must sustain long-term partnership.
The Misdiagnosis of Modern Relationships
Here is where this research becomes clinically consequential.
Many couples interpret the end of infatuation as evidence they chose the wrong partner.
Some divorces are dopamine withdrawal misread as destiny.
Some affairs are attempts to re-enter early-stage neurochemistry.
If passionate love happens only a few times for most people, then chasing it repeatedly may not signal high standards. It may signal discomfort with ordinary attachment.
A difficult question follows:
Are we addicted to beginnings because we have not learned endurance?
What Actually Predicts Relationship Stability?
Longitudinal research suggests that emotional responsiveness, secure attachment, and conflict repair predict long-term relational stability far more reliably than sustained infatuation (Gottman & Levenson, 2000; Hazan & Shaver, 1987).
Passion ignites.
Capacity sustains.
Capacity means:
Regulating yourself during conflict.
Repairing quickly after rupture.
Distinguishing boredom from incompatibility.
Staying curious after novelty fades.
If passion visits twice, maturity determines what follows.
A Cultural Correction
Modern romantic marketing implies that if the spark dims, the relationship has expired.
But intensity is not depth.
Voltage is not virtue.
Fireworks are not architecture.
Lightning is spectacular.
Infrastructure is civilization.
If most people experience passionate love only a handful of times, then perhaps the real achievement is not finding the next surge — but building something resilient after the surge settles.
FAQ
How many times does the average person fall in love?
In the Interpersona study, U.S. adults reported experiencing passionate love an average of 2.05 times across their lives (Gesselman et al., 2024).
Does passionate love always fade?
Early-stage intensity typically decreases as attachment systems strengthen. This shift does not necessarily indicate incompatibility; it often reflects normal neurobiological progression.
Is it abnormal to have never been passionately in love?
No. Approximately 14% of participants reported never experiencing passionate love. This falls within normal variation.
Can a marriage succeed without intense passion?
Yes. Long-term stability correlates more strongly with emotional attunement, secure attachment, and effective conflict repair than with sustained infatuation.
Is this study definitive?
No single study is definitive. The findings are self-reported, culturally specific to the United States, and subject to memory bias. They offer a useful baseline — not a universal rule.
Therapist’s Note
If you are worried that the “spark” has faded in your relationship, do not panic prematurely.
The transition from passion to attachment is not a failure. It is a developmental shift.
The more important question is not, “Do I still feel the surge?”
It is, “Are we building something durable?”
If you want help distinguishing dopamine withdrawal from genuine incompatibility — that is work worth doing carefully.
Final Thoughts
“Twice in a lifetime” sounds scarce.
But scarcity is not tragedy.
Lightning is rare. That is why it feels sacred.
The deeper question is not how often passion strikes.
It is whether we know how to live after it does.
Passion may visit briefly.
Character stays.
Attachment endures.
And the quiet, daily labor of partnership — unglamorous, unfilmed, unsponsored — is what ultimately builds a life.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2005). Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice. Journal of Comparative Neurology, 493(1), 58–62.
Gesselman, A. N., Bennett-Brown, M., Campbell, J. T., Piazza, M., Moscovici, Z., Kaufman, E. M., Blundell Osorio, M., Adams, O. R., Dubé, S., Hille, J. J., Weeks, L. Y. S., & Garcia, J. R. (2024). Twice in a lifetime: Quantifying passionate love in U.S. single adults. Interpersona.
Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce: Predicting when a couple will divorce over a 14-year period. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62(3), 737–745.
Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511–524.
Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119–135.