3 Tell-tale signs of parental burnout…
Saturday, October 28, 2023.
How to recognize, and cope with, parental burnout
It an odd, but obvious contradiction. The US and the UK, among other Western nations have the highest levels of parental burnout in the world, according to new research.
Parents have become more anxious over the past decades. The fascination with refining the best practices for optimal parenting as well as the emergence of highly individualistic stance toward raising kids has promoted a widespread sense of burnout.
Burned-out parents may become so exhausted that they may come to feel a bit detached from their children, or feel a palpable loss of confidence in their parenting abilities.
Burnt-out parents tend to agree with statements like these:
I feel completely run down by my role as a parent.
I do not enjoy being with my children.
I am no longer able to show my children that I love them.
People who say they feel like this on a weekly or daily basis are more likely to be experiencing parental burnout.
Why a burned out parent is a bad parent…
Burned-out parents end up being bad parents because they are exhausting themselves in a futile and unwise effort to achieve a sense of perfection.
They are more likely to neglect their children, dream of escape or even harm them (Mikolajczak et al., 2019).
Dr. Mikolajczak said:
“If you want to do the right thing too much, you can end up doing the wrong thing.
Too much pressure on parents can lead them to exhaustion which can have damaging consequences for the parent and for the children.”
How the study was conducted
This was an ambitious, global survey.. This impressive new study surveyed over 17,000 parents in 42 countries.
Here are a few of the more interesting findings:
The results revealed that parental burnout is highest in countries like Canada, USA, Belgium, France, Spain and Switzerland.
However, parental burnout was at its lowest in Turkey, Iran, Japan, China and Thailand. Because these are countries with deep cultural traditions about raising children perhaps?
Professor Isabelle Roskam, the study’s first author, blames the enduring and resilient Western cultural meme of Individualism:
“Our individualistic countries cultivate a cult of performance and perfectionism.
Parenthood in these countries is a very solitary activity, unlike in African countries, for example, where the entire village is involved in raising children.”
How to cope with parental burnout
One answer, then, is to take a far less individualistic, and a more more communal mindset, says Professor Roskam:
“The first would be to revive in our cultures the dimension of sharing and mutual aid among parents within a community.
And abandon the cult of the perfect parent and gain some perspective on all the parenting advice out there in order to choose what works for you.”
The importance of self-care in parenting…
Dr. Mikolajczak was pretty insistent that burned out parents need to notice when they’re running on fumes:
“Parents need to know that self-care is good for the child and that when they feel severely exhausted, they should seek help.”
Be well, Stay kind, and Godspeed.
RESEARCH:
Roskam I, Aguiar J, Akgun E, Arikan G, Artavia M, Avalosse H, Aunola K, Bader M, Bahati C, Barham EJ, Besson E, Beyers W, Boujut E, Brianda ME, Brytek-Matera A, Carbonneau N, César F, Chen BB, Dorard G, Dos Santos Elias LC, Dunsmuir S, Egorova N, Favez N, Fontaine AM, Foran H, Fricke J, Furutani K, Gallée L, Gannagé M, Gaspar M, Godbout L, Goldenberg A, Gross JJ, Gurza MA, Hall R, Hashmi MA, Hatta O, Helmy M, Hoang TV, Huynh MT, Kaneza E, Kawamoto T, Knezevic G, Kpassagou BL, Lazarevic LB, Le Vigouroux S, Lebert-Charron A, Leme V, Lin GX, MacCann C, Manrique-Millones D, Matias M, Miranda-Orrego MI, Miscioscia M, Morgades-Bamba C, Mousavi SF, Moutassem-Mimouni B, Muntean A, Murphy H, Ndayizigiye A, Tenkue JN, Olderbak S, Ornawka S, Osman F, Oyarce-Cadiz D, Pérez-Díaz PA, Petrides KV, Pineda-Marin C, Prandstetter K, Prikhidko A, Ricci RT, Salinas-Quiroz F, Sánchez-Rodríguez R, Sarrionandia A, Scola C, Sezibera V, Silva P, Simonelli A, Soenens B, Sorbring E, Sorkkila M, Schrooyen C, Stănculescu E, Starchenkova E, Szczygiel D, Tapia J, Tri TMT, Tremblay M, Ustundag-Budak AM, Pacheco MV, van Bakel H, Verhofstadt L, Wendland J, Yotanyamaneewong S, Mikolajczak M.
Parental Burnout Around the Globe: a 42-Country Study. Affect Sci. 2021;2(1):58-79. doi: 10.1007/s42761-020-00028-4. Epub 2021 Mar 18. PMID: 33758826; PMCID: PMC7970748.
