Who Fakes Orgasms, and Why Do They Stop Faking?
Friday, December 6, 2024.
Let’s face it: the topic of faking orgasms has been the butt of jokes, sitcom plots, and awkward dinner table conversations for decades.
But beneath the laughter lies a serious question—who’s faking it, and why?
A recent study published in The Journal of Sex Research tackles this head-on, offering surprising insights into not only why people fake orgasms but also what makes them stop.
Grab your popcorn (or perhaps your partner), and let’s unpack this research.
The Numbers Don’t Lie (But Some Spouses Do)
This isn’t your run-of-the-mill study. It was freaking huge.
Researchers surveyed a whopping 11,541 participants across six European countries (Denmark, Sweden, Norway, Finland, France, and the UK) to get the dirt on orgasm authenticity.
Ages ranged from 18 to 80, ensuring perspectives from fresh-faced newlyweds to seasoned lovers who’ve seen it all.
The results?
Just over half of participants (51%) reported never faking an orgasm. That’s great news for authenticity!
But the rest? Well, the theatrics are alive and well: 65.79% of men claimed they’d never faked it, compared to 36.41% of women. The Academy Award nominees among us? About 8.59% of men and 18.11% of women are still keeping their inner Meg Ryan alive and faking it to this day.
Why the Fake-Out?
Let’s not judge too quickly.
Folks fake orgasms for a variety of reasons. Some want to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings, others hope to wrap things up quickly (yes, Netflix is calling), and some feel pressured by societal expectations of sexual satisfaction.
As Dr. Silvia Pavan, lead author and PhD student at the University of Copenhagen, put it: “Faking isn’t just about the act itself—it’s tied to deeper relational and societal dynamics.”
But why stop faking? Now that’s where things get interesting.
Why People Stop: Honesty, Comfort, and the Occasional Oops
Participants reported a range of reasons for ditching the fake-o-meter, and—brace yourselves—it wasn’t all about love and trust. Some highlights:
Improved Partner Attentiveness: About 24% of both men and women stopped because their partners stepped up their game.
Better Communication: Around 26% said talking about preferences helped them embrace authenticity. (Take note, silent types.)
Comfort with Not Orgasming: Nearly 30% of women and 25% of men decided it’s okay to enjoy sex without fireworks. Hallelujah for realistic expectations!
Exploring Solo Pleasures: 18.51% of women and 19.33% of men found that self-discovery could be empowering—and a heck of a lot less complicated.
Caught Red-Handed: Men were significantly more likely to stop because they were caught faking (11.96% vs. 2.61% of women). If you’re going to fake it, folks, at least work on your poker face.
Faking and Satisfaction: The Awkward Truth
Here’s where things get serious.
Those who currently fake orgasms report lower satisfaction across sexual, relationship, and even life domains compared to those who’ve never faked or stopped faking. While the statistical effect was small, it’s worth noting.
After all, pretending in the bedroom might be masking deeper issues—like dissatisfaction or poor communication—that could benefit from some attention (and maybe a little science-based couples therapy).
Toys, Partners, and the Solo Symphony
One quirky finding from the study was the link between faking and sex toy use. Participants who faked orgasms were more likely to use toys solo, perhaps seeking the satisfaction that eluded them during partnered sex.
Meanwhile, the “never faked” crowd seemed to use toys as a shared adventure. Who knew vibrators could moonlight as team-building exercises?
Cultural Contexts and Open Relationships
As if the topic weren’t juicy enough, the study also uncovered cultural quirks.
French and Norwegian participants were more likely to fake orgasms, while Finnish respondents were least likely to engage in the charade.
Relationship dynamics also played a role: partners in open relationships reported higher rates of faking, suggesting that “no strings attached” might sometimes come with a little performance anxiety.
What’s Next? A Call for Authenticity
Dr. Pavan’s advice is simple yet profound: communication is key.
By normalizing conversations about sex, preferences, and boundaries, couples can move toward more satisfying and authentic connections. After all, as the study points out, “Good sex isn’t about orgasms—it’s about pleasure and connection.”
Future research aims to dive even deeper, exploring cultural differences and the role of sex toys in enhancing (or complicating) sexual satisfaction. Longitudinal studies could also shed light on how attitudes toward faking evolve over time. Some data from the USA might be nice as well.
Final Thoughts
Faking orgasms might be a familiar trope, but it’s also a window into the complexities of intimacy and human connection.
Whether you’re in the 51% who’ve never faked or the 49% who’ve mastered their performance, the takeaway is clear: open, honest communication can transform the bedroom into a space of genuine connection.
So let’s put away the Oscar-worthy performances and embrace the real deal. Your partner (and your satisfaction) will thank you.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Pavan, S., Øverup, C. S., & Hald, G. M. (2024). Why Did You Stop? Reasons for Stopping Faking Orgasms and Its Association with Sexual, Relationship, and Life Satisfaction in Denmark, Finland, France, Norway, Sweden, and the UK. The Journal of Sex Research.
Carvalheira, A. A., Træen, B., & Stulhofer, A. (2020). Masturbation and partnered sex: How enjoyment of sexual behaviors affects sexual satisfaction. Sexual Medicine, 8(3), 325–336. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.esxm.2020.05.003
Frederick, D. A., Lever, J., & Peplau, L. A. (2017). The orgasm gap: Sex, gender, and sexual satisfaction in partnered heterosexual relationships. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 46(8), 2403–2415. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-0992-2
Lehmiller, J. J. (2020). Tell me what you want: The science of sexual desire and how it can help you improve your sex life. Da Capo Press.