So, You Want to Live Apart Together in Massachusetts? A Love Story Without the Sock Wars

Thursday, March 6, 2025. This is for Kelly & Ben, because they asked.

In a world where relationship norms are evolving, Living Apart Together (LAT) offers a fresh perspective on commitment. Instead of measuring love by shared living spaces, LAT poses the question:

Here’a an intriguing thought: What if commitment doesn't require cohabitation?

You cherish your partner and equally value your personal space.

You're deeply committed but believe that commitment doesn't necessitate sharing every aspect of daily life.

Here's the beautiful part: you're not unconventional—you're pioneering a modern approach to relationships.

Welcome to LAT, where love isn't confined by square footage.

Why Massachusetts is Ideal for LAT Relationships

If you're considering LAT, Massachusetts provides a supportive environment. Here's why:

• Progressive Relationship Culture: Massachusetts embraces diverse relationship structures, making LAT a recognized and respected choice.

• Legal Protections Without Cohabitation: The state allows couples to establish financial and medical rights without merging households.

• Potential Financial and Tax Benefits: Some couples choose LAT to maintain financial independence, which can be advantageous given Massachusetts' estate and inheritance tax laws.

Legal Considerations: Navigating LAT in Massachusetts

Understanding Massachusetts laws can help you navigate LAT smoothly.

Married but Living Apart? "Separate Support" is an Option

While Massachusetts doesn't have legal separation, it offers "separate support," allowing couples to live apart while maintaining financial obligations—a useful option for those who wish to remain married but live separately.

Financial Entanglement? Draft a Legal Agreement

Even in LAT, financial matters can become complex. To protect both partners:

• Draft a Cohabitation or LAT Agreement: Outline financial expectations, property ownership, and obligations in case of separation.

• Clarify Asset Ownership: Ensure legal documentation reflects ownership stakes in jointly acquired assets.

Estate Planning & Healthcare Decisions

To safeguard your partner's rights in emergencies:

• Healthcare Proxy: Grants your partner medical decision-making power if needed.

• Financial Power of Attorney: Allows your partner to handle finances if you're incapacitated.

• Will & Beneficiary Designations: Ensures your assets are distributed according to your wishes.

Note: Consulting a family lawyer can provide tailored guidance.

Building a Strong LAT Relationship

One myth about LAT is that it leads to emotional distance.

. The reality? LAT relationships require greater intentionality in maintaining emotional closeness than traditional cohabitation.

Communication: Staying Connected While Living Apart

💬 Daily Check-ins – Whether it's a quick text, a long phone call, or video chat, consistent communication keeps emotional intimacy strong.

🗓️ Scheduled Together Time – Some LAT couples have standing date nights or weekend getaways, while others mix it up based on their schedules.

🌅 "Good Morning" and "Good Night" Rituals – Small gestures like a simple text before bed can reinforce connection across separate homes.

Physical Intimacy: Space Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

🔥 Intentional Affection – Unlike cohabiting couples, LAT partners are more likely to be deliberate about physical closeness, fostering a sense of excitement and choice.

🏡 Overnight Visits with a Twist – Instead of routine cohabitation, LAT couples enjoy the thrill of choosing when to stay over, keeping passion alive.

Conflict Resolution: Navigating Disagreements Without Cohabitation Stress

🛑 Set Boundaries Early – How often do you see each other? Can you drop by unannounced? Discussing expectations prevents misunderstandings.

😌 Use Cooling-Off Periods – LAT couples can physically retreat after disagreements, preventing unnecessary escalation and allowing time for reflection.

Finding Your LAT Community in Massachusetts

Navigating LAT doesn’t have to be a solo journey—there are supportive communities in Massachusetts.

🔍 Meetup Groups for LAT Couples – Platforms like Meetup.com and Facebook groups offer connections with others embracing alternative relationship models.

👨‍👩‍👧 Co-Parenting Resources – For parents brave enough to practice LAT, Massachusetts provides programs like Two Families Now to assist in parenting while maintaining separate households.

🧠 Therapists Specializing in LAT – Search for professionals experienced in alternative relationship structures by looking up "Living Apart Together therapy Massachusetts".

Debunking LAT Myths

🚫 "You must not be that committed."
✅ Commitment isn’t about square footage—it’s about trust, emotional investment, and intentional love.

🚫 "LAT is a stepping stone to breaking up."
✅ Many LAT couples stay together for decades, and studies suggest higher relationship satisfaction than cohabiting couples.

🚫 "It's too expensive and impractical."
✅ While two homes cost more, many LAT couples say the autonomy and reduced friction outweigh the financial cost. Some even find tax advantages. But let’s be real. This is a lifestyle option that is not for everyone.

Final Thoughts: LAT is a Love Story of Choice

Living Apart Together isn’t a loophole—it’s a conscious, empowered decision.

It challenges outdated assumptions about love and commitment, proving that a relationship’s strength isn’t measured by shared rent but by deliberate connection, respect, and trust.

In Massachusetts and beyond, LAT is carving out a future where some couples are designing relationships that work for them—free from societal expectations and unnecessary compromise.

At the end of the day, love isn’t about where you sleep—it’s about how you show up for each other.

And if LAT helps you cultivate a thriving, fulfilling relationship, then you’re not just ahead of your time—you’re exactly where you need to be.

So go forth, love boldly, live intentionally, and embrace a relationship that truly works for you.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

RESEARCH:

Strohm, C. Q., Seltzer, J. A., Cochran, S. D., & Mays, V. M. (2009). "Living Apart Together" relationships in the United States. Demographic Research, 21, 177-214. https://doi.org/10.4054/DemRes.2009.21.7

Duncan, S., & Phillips, M. (2011). People who live apart together (LATs) – how different are they? The Sociological Review, 59(1), 112-134. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-954X.2010.01999.x

Levin, I. (2004). Living apart together: A new family form. Current Sociology, 52(2), 223-240. https://doi.org/10.1177/0011392104041809

Connidis, I. A., & Borell, K. (2019). Ambivalence and living apart together in later life: A critical research proposal. Journal of Marriage and Family, 81(2), 477-496. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12550

Karlsson, S. G., & Borell, K. (2020). Living apart together (LAT) in late life: Questioning the ideal of family solidarity. Journal of Aging Studies, 54, 100873. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaging.2020.100873