Sex Didn’t Reduce Your Stress. It Just Rented You the Evening.

Thursday, February 5, 2026.

We have been telling ourselves a socially approved lie.

That sex is restorative.
That intimacy “takes the edge off.”
That if a relationship feels tense, brittle, or quietly hostile, sex will smooth it over like a warm towel and a glass of water.

This belief is popular.
It is also incorrect.

A large daily-diary study of newlywed couples found that sex does lower stress—on the day it happens.

Oxytocin rises. Endogenous opioids show up, do their brief janitorial work, and the nervous system calms down for a few hours.

And then the shift ends.

By the next day, stress returns fully caffeinated and unimpressed.

No emotional carryover.
No lingering calm.
No evidence that last night’s sex made today’s life more tolerable.

Sex helped—but only until midnight.

That alone would be disappointing. The more interesting finding is what happened when researchers asked why people were having sex.

The Same Sex, Two Motives, Two Nervous Systems

The study didn’t just track sexual activity. It tracked motivation.

Two reasons mattered:

• Approach motives: desire, pleasure, closeness, generosity.

• Avoidance motives: preventing conflict, disappointment, sulking, or emotional fallout.

Same act. Radically different outcomes.

When people had sex to avoid tension—to keep the peace, prevent an argument, or stop a relational cold front—they were more stressed the next day.

Not neutral.
Not unchanged.
More stressed.

Which makes perfect psychological sense.

Avoidance does not calm the nervous system.
It puts it on surveillance.

You didn’t resolve the threat.
You postponed it.

And the body hates unresolved tabs.

Why “Makeup Sex” Is a Terrible Regulation Strategy

Culture treats sex like emotional duct tape. Therapy does not.

Sex can regulate stress only when it is not performing emotional labor. The moment sex becomes a tool to manage a partner’s mood, stabilize attachment, or prevent relational instability, it stops being soothing and starts being strategic.

Strategy is expensive.
Especially when you’re naked and pretending it’s spontaneous.

You didn’t relax.
You complied.
Your nervous system noticed.

That’s why the stress shows up later—often the next morning, often misattributed to “work,” “sleep,” or “just feeling off.”

Your body remembers what the conversation avoided.

The Part People Hate Hearing

Sex is not self-care when it replaces agency.

It is not regulating when it requires silence.
It is not connecting when it functions as appeasement.
And it is not stress-reducing when it increases cognitive load.

Sex can be helpful.
Sex can be joyful.
Sex can even be calming.

But sex cannot compensate for unresolved relational threat.

That work happens clothed, awake, and usually mid-sentence.

Which is why it’s postponed.

And why the stress comes back.

The Actual Clinical Takeaway

Sex reduces stress only when it does not replace agency.

Everything else is just borrowing calm against a future bill.

And the nervous system always collects—without interest, but without mercy.

FAQ

Does sex reduce stress at all?

Yes—briefly. The study found lower stress on the same day sex occurred. Think of it as a short-acting anxiolytic, not a lifestyle change.

Why does stress return the next day?

Because neurochemical relief is temporary. Oxytocin wears off. Unresolved issues do not.

Why does sex to avoid conflict increase stress later?

Because avoidance increases vigilance. When sex replaces honesty, the nervous system stays alert, waiting for the unresolved problem to resurface.

Is makeup sex bad?

It’s not immoral. It’s just ineffective as a regulation strategy. If it replaces the repair conversation rather than following it, the stress bill arrives later.

What actually helps stress last longer?

Agency. Clear communication. Repair. Sex that is additive rather than compensatory.

Therapist’s Note

If you’re reading this late at night and wondering whether sex has quietly become a way to manage tension rather than express desire, that’s worth paying attention to. Intimacy works best when it follows honesty—not when it replaces it.

If you want help untangling that difference, this is exactly the kind of work couples therapy is designed to hold.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Peters, S. D., Glicken, D. S., & Meltzer, A. L. (2025). Does sex today relieve stress tomorrow? Examining lagged associations between partnered sexual activity and stress among newlywed couples. Archives of Sexual Behavior. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-025-03295-z