Is there a Roman Catholic Approach to Couples Therapy?
Wednesday, January 8, 2025. This is for Gary, who asked.
While there isn’t a universally “preferred” model of couples therapy for American Roman Catholics, certain approaches resonate more deeply with Catholic values and beliefs.
For Roman Catholics, marriage isn’t merely a social contract—it is a sacred covenant imbued with profound spiritual significance.
Rooted in Scripture and tradition, Catholic marriage is viewed as a lifelong union designed for mutual sanctification, the rearing of children, and as a reflection of Christ’s love for His Church (Ephesians 5:25-33).
When marital challenges arise, Catholic couples often turn to therapeutic approaches that respect and reinforce their values while providing effective tools for relationship repair and growth.
This post will explore a question asked of me by a client.
It prompted me to identify therapy models that align closely with Catholic principles, the unique challenges Catholic couples face, and the spiritual and practical integration of therapy within the framework of Catholic teachings.
Why Do Devout Catholic Couples Seek Therapy?
Even within the context of a faith-centered life, marriages are subject to pressures such as:
Cultural Influences: Modern secular views on individualism, consumerism, and relativism can create tension with Catholic ideals of selflessness and sacrificial love.
Communication Breakdown: Differences in upbringing, emotional expression, or even misunderstandings around faith practices can lead to conflict.
Family Dynamics: Balancing extended family expectations, raising children in the faith, and managing financial stress are common areas of friction.
Faith and Practice Disparities: Disagreements about religious practice or one partner drifting from faith can cause division.
Science-based couples therapy offers a safe and structured environment where couples can address these issues while being supported in their shared journey toward a stronger, holier union.
Models of Therapy That Might Resonate with Catholic Couples
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Reaffirming Connection Through Faith
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, is widely regarded as one of the most effective approaches for repairing and deepening emotional bonds. For Catholic couples, EFT resonates because of its parallels with Catholic views on love and vulnerability.
Attachment as a Reflection of God’s Love: EFT’s focus on emotional attachment mirrors the Church’s understanding of human relationships as a reflection of divine love. The therapy’s emphasis on building secure bonds aligns with the Catholic ideal of unbreakable marital unity.
Reconciliation Through Vulnerability: The EFT process encourages couples to explore their fears and needs, fostering empathy and forgiveness. This process reflects the aspiration of sacramental grace of reconciliation within the Church.
A Framework for Mercy and Healing: By addressing unmet needs and fears, EFT helps couples embody the merciful love that Catholics believe Christ exemplifies.
Many therapists trained in EFT are sensitive to Catholic spirituality, and are perfectly capable of integrating prayer or reflection into sessions to encourage couples to perceive their emotional growth as part of their spiritual journey.
The Gottman Method: Practical Tools for Sacred Love
The Gottman Method, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, emphasizes research-based strategies for improving relationships. Its appeal to Catholic couples lies in its ability to merge practical tools with deeper relational virtues.
Building a Strong Marital Foundation: The “Sound Relationship House” metaphor used in this method emphasizes trust, commitment, and shared meaning—all values central to Catholic marriage.
Managing Conflict with Grace: The Gottman Method equips couples with tools to avoid “The Four Horsemen” (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling) while fostering gentleness and patience.
Faith Integration: Many Catholic therapists trained in this method are also perfectly capable of incorporating prayer and Scripture into sessions, encouraging their client-couples to reflect on how they understand God’s plan for their marriage, while working on their relational dynamics.
The Gottman approach also emphasizes rituals of connection, which aligns with the Catholic emphasis on sacred rituals, such as shared prayer or attending Mass together, to strengthen marital bonds.
Both of these thought leaders have developed special materials for the religiously devout.
Prepare/Enrich: A Staple for Catholic Marriage Preparation and Enrichment
Prepare/Enrich is deeply embedded in Catholic marriage preparation programs and is often recommended for couples at any stage of their relationship.
Customized Assessments: The program evaluates areas such as communication, conflict resolution, financial management, and spirituality, offering a holistic view of the marriage.
Premarital Focus: Prepare/Enrich aligns with the Catholic Church’s requirement for engaged couples to undergo premarital counseling, often referred to as Pre-Cana. It encourages discussions about faith, family planning, and shared goals.
Enrichment for Married Couples: Beyond preparation, the program offers tools for deepening connection and addressing challenges at various stages of marriage.
Prepare/Enrich’s faith-based framework makes it particularly effective for Catholic couples who want their therapy experience to reflect their shared beliefs.
Retrouvaille: A Lifeline for Troubled Marriages
For Catholic couples on the brink of separation or divorce, Retrouvaille provides a uniquely faith-centered approach to healing.
Structure and Support: The program begins with a weekend retreat followed by a series of post-weekend sessions, giving couples time to absorb and apply what they learn.
Rebuilding Trust Through Communication: Couples learn how to listen to each other deeply and express themselves honestly, creating a foundation for rebuilding trust.
Faith at the Center: Rooted in Catholic teachings, Retrouvaille incorporates prayer and reflection, encouraging couples to seek God’s guidance in their journey toward reconciliation.
This program often serves as a last resort for couples in crisis, providing both hope and practical strategies for renewal.
Pastoral Counseling: Therapy with a Theological Foundation
Pastoral counseling combines professional therapeutic practices with spiritual direction, making it an ideal choice for Catholic couples seeking faith-integrated therapy.
A Holistic Approach: Pastoral counselors address emotional, psychological, and spiritual dimensions of marital challenges.
The Sacramental Perspective: Therapy often includes discussions on the sacramental nature of marriage, helping couples see their struggles as opportunities for growth and grace.
Integration of Catholic Practices: Counselors may incorporate prayer, Scripture, and sacraments into sessions, aligning therapy with the Church’s teachings.
Many Catholic dioceses have pastoral counselors or recommend Catholic therapists who specialize in this approach.
Imago Relationship Therapy: Healing and Growth Through Empathy
Imago Relationship Therapy, created by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, focuses on helping couples understand and heal each other’s emotional wounds. Its alignment with Catholic values lies in its emphasis on empathy and transformation.
Healing Past Hurts: Imago therapy helps couples uncover how unresolved childhood experiences influence their current dynamics, fostering healing and forgiveness.
Empathy as a Virtue: The practice of deep listening and validation mirrors Catholic virtues of compassion and selflessness.
Sanctifying Marital Love: Couples learn to view their relationship as a sacred space for mutual growth, reflecting the Catholic call to holiness.
Unique Challenges for Catholic Couples in Therapy
Navigating Cultural Secularism
In an increasingly secular society, Catholic couples may struggle to integrate their faith with modern views on relationships. Therapy models that respect Catholic values help bridge this gap.
Balancing Faith and Emotional Expression
Many Catholic couples are raised with a strong emphasis on duty and self-sacrifice, sometimes at the expense of emotional expression. Therapy can provide tools to balance vulnerability with faith-based values.
Family Dynamics
Catholic families often have strong intergenerational ties, which can create additional dynamics around parenting, finances, and caregiving. Therapy can help couples navigate these complexities.
How Catholic Couples Can Enhance Therapy with Faith Practices
Sacramental Participation: Regular confession and Eucharist can provide spiritual renewal that complements therapy.
Shared Prayer: Praying together as a couple reinforces unity and invites God’s presence into the marriage.
Reflection on Scripture: Meditating on passages about love and forgiveness can deepen the therapeutic process.
Can Therapy Act as a Path to Sacred Renewal?
For Roman Catholic couples, therapy isn’t just a tool for resolving conflicts; it’s a means of living out their vocation.
Whether through EFT, the Gottman Method, or faith-based programs like Retrouvaille, these approaches offer a way to address challenges while honoring the sacred nature of their union.
In embracing science-based couples therapy, Catholic couples are invited to reaffirm their commitment not only to each other but also to God, seeking grace and renewal in their shared journey.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony.
Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. (2007). Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. St. Martin’s Press.
Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown Spark.
Prepare/Enrich. (n.d.). Marriage Preparation and Enrichment Program. Retrieved from https://www.prepare-enrich.com.
Retrouvaille. (n.d.). A Lifeline for Troubled Marriages. Retrieved from https://www.helpourmarriage.org.