Infidelity practices around the world
Sunday, July 14, 2024. Bastille Day.
As a couples therapist, I am often spellbound by the intriguing and sometimes amusing world of relationships.
One aspect that never fails to intrigue me is how different cultures handle infidelity.
From covert operations to outright drama, let's take a peek into a few infidelity practices from around the globe.
But let’s explore not just the practices, but also the cultural underpinnings that might lie behind these differences.
China: The Harassers of Mistresses
In China, the phenomenon of "mistress dispellers" is a fascinating example of how infidelity is managed. These professionals are hired to break up affairs by any means necessary, often involving public shaming and aggressive confrontations. This practice had grown in tandem with the economic boom, where newfound wealth has led to increased extramarital affairs, especially among businessmen and officials who see mistresses as a status symbol.
Cultural Underpinnings:
Confucian Values: Traditional Confucian values emphasize family harmony and the importance of saving face. Publicly confronting the mistress rather than the husband helps maintain this facade of family unity.
Patriarchal Society: Chinese society is still quite patriarchal, and the burden of preserving the marriage often falls on the wife. Mistress dispelling allows women to combat infidelity within the confines of societal expectations without directly challenging their husbands (Bangkok Post, MCLC Resource Center).
France: The Elegant Affair
In France, infidelity is often met with a shrug rather than outrage. The French are known for their romantic flair and somewhat laissez-faire attitude towards extramarital activities. Affairs are conducted discreetly, and as long as public discretion is maintained, they are often tolerated.
Cultural Underpinnings:
Romantic Ideals: The French have a cultural appreciation for romance and passion, which can extend beyond the bounds of marriage. This attitude allows for a more relaxed approach to infidelity.
Historical Precedents: Historical figures like François Mitterrand and Napoleon had well-known affairs, setting a precedent for public tolerance of such behaviors.
Measurably Less Moral Outrage: Studies show that only 47% of the French consider infidelity morally unacceptable, compared to 84% of Americans. This difference highlights a more permissive societal view on extramarital affairs (Pew Research Center, My French Life, The World from PRX).
Japan: The Love Hotels
In Japan, infidelity has its own unique infrastructure in the form of "Love Hotels." These establishments provide discreet locations for extramarital activities, catering to various fantasies and ensuring anonymity.
Cultural Underpinnings:
Privacy and Discretion: Japanese culture places a high value on privacy and discretion. Love hotels offer a way to engage in affairs without public scandal.
Social Pressures: There is significant societal pressure to maintain public harmony and avoid shame. Love hotels provide a private escape from these pressures, allowing individuals to fulfill desires without societal repercussions.
Italy: The Passionate Confrontations
In Italy, infidelity often leads to dramatic confrontations. Italians are known for their passionate nature, and this extends to how they handle betrayal. Public shouting matches and dramatic displays are not uncommon when infidelity is discovered.
Cultural Underpinnings:
Passionate Disposition: Italians are known for their expressive and emotional nature. This cultural trait leads to more dramatic and public reactions to infidelity.
Family Importance: Family honor and reputation are paramount in Italian culture. Public confrontations are a way to defend and restore this honor when it is perceived to be tarnished by infidelity.
The United States: The Digital Detective
In the United States, technology plays a significant role in how infidelity is managed. Suspicious spouses often turn to digital sleuthing to catch a cheater, employing everything from GPS tracking and phone monitoring apps to hiring private investigators.
Cultural Underpinnings:
Technological Reliance: Americans have a strong reliance on technology in many aspects of life, including managing relationships. The use of digital tools to uncover infidelity is an extension of this reliance.
Legal and Social Frameworks: The U.S. legal system provides significant support for divorce and litigation related to infidelity. This framework encourages individuals to gather concrete evidence of cheating, often through digital means.
Let me speculate on the reasons for these differences
The varying responses to infidelity across cultures can be attributed to several factors:
Historical Context: Historical precedents set by prominent figures and societal norms influence how infidelity is perceived and managed. For instance, the permissiveness in France can be traced back to historical figures who openly engaged in extramarital affairs.
Societal Values: Different cultures prioritize different values, such as family harmony in China, romantic passion in France, and technological prowess in the United States.
Legal and Social Systems: The legal and social frameworks in place to address infidelity play a crucial role. In the U.S., the legal system supports divorce and litigation related to infidelity, whereas in China, societal and familial pressures often discourage divorce.
Economic Factors: Economic conditions also play a role. In China, the economic boom had led to increased instances of infidelity among the wealthy, prompting the rise of mistress dispellers. I doubt they are faring as well nowadays.
Final thoughts
Considering cultural underpinnings provides insight into how infidelity is managed, it also highlights the complex interplay between history, societal values, and economic conditions in shaping human behavior.
As a couples therapist, recognizing these nuances allows for a more empathetic and informed approach to addressing infidelity in a multicultural context. But that doesn’t make them any less curious and intriguing.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
China: Bangkok Post and MCLC Resource Center
France: Pew Research Center, My French Life, and The World from PRX
Italy: Various cultural studies and historical accounts.
Japan: Observational and cultural studies on the use of love hotels.
United States: A plethora of studies on the use of technology in infidelity detection and the legal implications of infidelity in divorce proceedings.
