Does Childhood Trauma Shape Adult Sexual Conflict? A Closer Look at Emotional Dynamics in Couples

Thursday, May 29, 2025

In a laboratory in Canada, 151 couples sat across from each other and, with cameras rolling, began an eight-minute conversation about their most pressing sexual concern.

This wasn’t reality TV—it was a study on how the ghosts of childhood trauma show up in the most intimate corners of adult relationships.

The study, published in Archives of Sexual Behavior (Bigras et al., 2024), asks a deceptively simple question:

Does trauma in childhood influence emotional dynamics during adult sexual conflict?

The short answer is yes—but not necessarily in big, flashy ways.

The longer, more useful answer is that trauma subtly shapes emotional patterns and attachment styles, which, in turn, color how sexual conflict feels and unfolds.

Let’s dig into what they found and why it matters.

The Emotional Afterlife of Childhood Trauma

Childhood trauma is often defined as any adverse event that overwhelms a child’s capacity to cope.

Abuse, neglect, domestic violence, parental loss—these are not just bad memories; they are events that alter the developing brain’s architecture, particularly areas tied to emotional regulation, memory, and social trust (Anda et al., 2006; Teicher & Samson, 2016).

In adulthood, this developmental scar tissue shows up in relationships in subtle but telling ways: heightened vigilance, Anxious or Avoidant Attachment, difficulty regulating emotions, and an impaired ability to feel safe during intimacy.

What this study from Bigras and colleagues makes clear is that these emotional patterns are especially salient during sexual conflict, one of the most emotionally loaded moments in a relationship.

What the Study Found: More Anxiety, Fewer Positive Emotions

Participants with higher childhood trauma scores reported:

• Slightly more negative emotions (e.g., frustration, sadness, anxiety) during the sexual conflict task.

• Slightly fewer positive emotions (e.g., closeness, relief, amusement).

• Shorter durations of visibly positive emotion during the interaction, both self-reported and observer-rated.

But the study didn’t stop there.

Using mediation models, the researchers found that attachment anxiety played a key explanatory role.

Trauma didn’t just correlate with emotional distress—it sometimes fostered an Anxious Attachment style, which then predicted emotional dysregulation during sexual conflict.

Why Attachment Anxiety Matters

Attachment anxiety is a relational posture marked by a deep fear of abandonment, chronic doubt about one’s worth in the relationship, and a compulsive need for reassurance (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007).

These folks tend to read emotional cues as rejection, even when they aren’t—and that sensitivity is amplified during sexual conversations, where vulnerability is already high.

Sexual conflict, then, becomes not just about mismatched libidos or unmet desires—it becomes a threat to the entire relationship schema.

For those with unresolved trauma and attachment anxiety, a discussion about sex is a proxy war for safety, worthiness, and belonging.

So What? Clinical and Cultural Takeaways

• Sexual conflict is not just about sex.

  For trauma survivors, it’s often about survival strategies forged in childhood—hypervigilance, avoidance, or emotional numbing. Therapists must work with the whole emotional system, not just the surface-level sexual script.

• Positive emotions matter.

  This study reminds us that it’s not just the presence of negative emotions that matters in trauma work, but the absence—or brevity—of positive ones. That short window of joy or relief during sexual conflict? It may be the first thing trauma takes from a person.

• Mediated emotions, not determinism.

  Yes, trauma impacts adult emotional life, but the pathway is often through modifiable mediators like attachment style. That means therapy can help. It’s not fate—it’s plasticity.

But Let’s Be Real: The Effects Were Weak

Statistically speaking, the effects were small.

The associations were significant but frankly, not compelling.

As the authors note, we’re not talking about dramatic emotional collapses, but slight tugs in the emotional current—tiny shifts that, over time, can decidedly steer a couple off course into mis-aligned misery..

These micro-patterns matter, especially in long-term relationships, where cumulative emotional misattunements can lead to sexual dissatisfaction, emotional distance, or quiet resentment (Gottman & Levenson, 2000).

What If We’re Just Haunted Animals Trying to Have Sex?

If you zoom out, this study paints a quietly absurd picture: two people with wounded childhoods, negotiating intimacy and fidelity while their nervous systems run background scripts from the past.

They want to feel loved. They want to feel safe. But when sex becomes a battleground, they’re not fighting each other—they’re fighting their histories.

Final Thoughts: Repair Is Possible

Despite the bleak implications, this research offers a hopeful note: what’s been learned can be unlearned.

Attachment styles can shift. Emotional flexibility can grow. Conflict scripts can be rewritten.

Therapists should help couples:

• Develop secure-based communication strategies.

• Validate each partner’s emotional history.

• Reframe sexual conflict as a path to deeper safety rather than a sign of incompatibility.

And as this study gently suggests, we should all remember that trauma’s impact may be somewhat subtle—but it still deserves our attention.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Anda, R. F., Felitti, V. J., Bremner, J. D., Walker, J. D., Whitfield, C., Perry, B. D., ... & Giles, W. H. (2006). The enduring effects of abuse and related adverse experiences in childhood. European Archives of Psychiatry and Clinical Neuroscience, 256(3), 174–186. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00406-005-0624-4

Bigras, N., Rosen, N. O., Dubé, J. P., Daspe, M. È., Bosisio, M., Péloquin, K., & Bergeron, S. (2024). Attachment insecurity mediates the associations between childhood trauma and duration of emotions during a laboratory-based sexual conflict discussion among couples. Archives of Sexual Behavior. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-024-02728-6

Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce: Predicting when a couple will divorce over a 14-year period. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62(3), 737–745. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.00737.x

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Press.

Teicher, M. H., & Samson, J. A. (2016). Annual research review: Enduring neurobiological effects of childhood abuse and neglect. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 57(3), 241–266. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12507