What is the ideal age gap for relationship satisfaction?

Wednesday, September 13, 2023.

Many humans are deeply intrigued by the notion of a younger partner, but is such a pursuit conducive to a good outcome? What is the ideal age gap for relationship satisfaction?

• The best age gap for long-term marital satisfaction is…as close to zero as you can get.

• Interesting research suggests that if long-term marital satisfaction is your aim, bond with someone your own age.

• In the long run, couples with a distinct age difference tend to be less satisfied, even after they feel the spike of novelty.

• Youth holds a powerful biological attraction. The research tells us that all humans, regardless of gender, are initially particularly satisfied when they secure a young or younger spouse.

Professor Terra McKinnish, who co-authored the study, said:

“We find that men who are married to younger wives are the most satisfied, and men who are married to older wives are the least satisfied.

Women are also particularly dissatisfied when they’re married to older husbands and particularly satisfied if they’re married to younger husbands.”

However, after around 6-10 years of marriage, this gets old fast…

Professor McKinnish explained exactly what happens next:

“Over time, the people who are married to a much older or younger spouse tend to have larger declines in marital satisfaction over time compared to those who are married to spouses who are similar in age.”

The researchers think this could partly be how they respond to money worries.

Professor McKinnish explained how economic woes particularly impact these couples:

“We looked at how couples respond to negative shocks and in particular, if they have a major bad economic shock or worsening of their household finances.

We find that when couples have a large age difference, that they tend to have a much larger decline in marital satisfaction when faced with an economic shock than couples that have a very small age difference.”

• Wow. That’s a fascinating finding. The more significant the difference in the age of the spouses, the more their views will tend to differ on vital issues, such as having children and how to adjust to reduced economic circumstances.

Over time, a clash of essential values tends to create a tipping point of turmoil in the relationship.

Final thoughts on this study….

File this one under be careful what you wish for.

• Relationships characterized by age differences often involve younger women, who, as this study reveals, also prefer a younger partner. It’s hard to build a sense of we-ness on sand that will predictably shift in 6-10 years...

It logically follows that if economic hardship arises, this couple will lack the sense of teamwork to endure.

Kinda sobering. Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.

RESEARCH:

Lee, WS., McKinnish, T. The marital satisfaction of differently aged couples. J Popul Econ 31, 337–362 (2018). https://doi.org/10.1007/s00148-017-0658-8

The study was published in the Journal of Population Economics (Lee & McKinnish , 2017).