What Is De-Influencing? A Look at This Curious Relationship Shift
Friday, January 24, 2025.
De-influencing is a growing movement that pushes back against the glossy, picture-perfect world of social media influencer culture.
Instead of urging people to buy the next trendy product or stage their lives for likes, de-influencing invites us to take a breath, embrace authenticity, and stop feeling like we have to perform our lives—or our relationships—online.
It’s not just about rejecting consumerism; it’s about rethinking what really matters, including how we connect with our partners. Let’s dive into how this trend started, why it’s catching on, and what it means for modern relationships.
A Quick History of De-Influencing: From TikTok to Relationship Goals
De-influencing first popped up on TikTok and Instagram in early 2023, when people started calling out influencer culture’s obsession with selling everything.
Instead of the usual “You need this product!” videos, creators started posting things like, “Save your money—you don’t need this $200 serum” or “Here’s why this viral gadget isn’t worth it.”
Soon, the idea became a meme, with users poking fun at influencer trends.
TikTokers mocked the need to own designer water bottles, while Instagram posts humorously critiqued how influencers monetize even the most mundane aspects of their lives.
But the movement didn’t stop at products. It quickly turned toward relationships, where social media has long promoted the idea of “relationship goals” through carefully curated couple content. Suddenly, people started asking: Why are we staging our love lives for likes? What happens if we just...don’t?
De-Influencing Relationships: Letting Go of the Performance
If you’ve ever seen those perfect couple vacation photos or choreographed TikTok dances and thought, Is anyone’s love life really like this?, you’re not alone.
De-influencing encourages couples to step away from the need to share every sweet moment online and instead focus on what’s real and meaningful in their relationship—whether or not anyone else sees it.
How It’s Changing the Game:
Less Pressure to Perform: Instead of worrying about getting the perfect shot for Instagram, couples are embracing private, authentic moments. It’s about saying, “This is just for us.”
Normalizing Imperfection: Let’s be honest: Every relationship has its ups and downs. De-influencing reminds us that we don’t have to look perfect online to have a healthy, happy connection.
Fewer Comparisons: Scrolling through “perfect couple” photos can make you feel like your relationship doesn’t measure up. De-influencing helps you step back and focus on your unique dynamic, instead of trying to match someone else’s highlight reel.
Why This Shift Matters: The Real Perks of De-Influencing
Moving away from performative love isn’t just about saving yourself the stress of posting—it’s about building something deeper and more genuine. Here’s how de-influencing can actually improve your relationship:
More Emotional Intimacy: When you’re not thinking about an audience, it’s easier to focus on each other. Private moments—like laughing over an inside joke or supporting each other during tough times—become even more special.
Less Stress, More Connection: Worrying about crafting the perfect online image can be exhausting. Letting go of that pressure creates space for you to relax and enjoy being together.
A New Definition of Success: Forget flashy trips or grand gestures. De-influencing encourages couples to define success in their own terms—whether that’s a shared sense of humor, great communication, or simply being there for each other.
The Backstory of “Relationship Goals” and Why It Needed a Reset
Before de-influencing, “relationship goals” dominated social media.
Perfect proposals, dreamy vacation pics, and elaborate anniversary surprises became the standard of what a “happy” relationship looked like. But this trend often set unrealistic expectations:
Lavish Proposals: Did it even happen if there wasn’t a drone filming it?
Coordinated Outfits on Vacations: Because matching clothes totally equals happiness.
Everyday Moments Turned Content: Even breakfast had to look like a magazine shoot.
Over time, people started to feel the pressure—and the cracks began to show. De-influencing grew as a reaction to this, offering a refreshing alternative: less polish, more honesty.
What De-Influencing Means for the Future of Love
De-influencing isn’t about deleting your Instagram or pretending social media doesn’t exist. It’s about choosing how and when to share your life—and knowing that what you don’t share can be just as meaningful.
A Few Friendly Reminders:
Privacy Isn’t Secrecy: Choosing to keep moments private doesn’t mean your relationship is weak; it often means it’s strong enough not to need outside validation.
It’s OK to Share...Sometimes: De-influencing isn’t about erasing all online presence. It’s about being thoughtful and authentic when you do post.
Focus on What Matters: Whether or not anyone else sees it, what really counts is how you treat each other and the connection you build.
A Word of Caution: Can De-Influencing Go Too Far?
Like any movement, de-influencing isn’t perfect. Here are a few things to watch out for:
New Pressures: Ironically, the push to be “authentically private” can become its own kind of performance. Remember: There’s no “right” way to do this.
Losing Social Connection: Public celebrations—like sharing a milestone or posting an anniversary shoutout—can be a meaningful way to involve friends and family. It’s about balance.
Becoming the New Trend: Some influencers are already monetizing their “anti-influencer” personas. Stay focused on what feels true for you, not what’s trending.
Why De-Influencing Might Be a Breath of Fresh Air
De-influencing started as a way to resist influencer culture, but it’s become something bigger.
For relationships, it’s an invitation to step back from the pressure to look perfect online and instead focus on the real, messy, beautiful connection you share with your partner.
Whether it’s choosing not to post that anniversary dinner or laughing together over an inside joke no one else will ever hear, de-influencing reminds us that the best parts of love often happen offline—and they don’t need an audience to be real.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.