What is an Exit Affair?
Monday, February 26, 2024.
What do you mean by an Exit Affair?
An exit affair, also known as a "break-up affair" or "transitional affair," occurs when a partner engages in infidelity as a means to exit their current relationship or marriage. This type of affair typically arises from dissatisfaction, resentment, or a desire to end the existing relationship but lacking the courage or ability to do so directly.
Instead, the exiting partner seeks emotional or physical fulfillment outside the relationship as a precursor to ending it.
Research on exit affairs often delves into the psychological motivations behind infidelity and its impact on both the individual and their partner. Here are some key points and references:
Motivations for Exit Affairs…
Exit affairs are often driven by a desire for emotional or sexual fulfillment that is perceived to be lacking in the current relationship. Research suggests that individuals may seek validation, excitement, or companionship outside their primary relationship when feeling unfulfilled or disconnected (Afifi & Falato, 2015).
Emotional Disengagement…
Before engaging in an exit affair, individuals may emotionally disengage from their current partner. This disengagement can manifest as increased conflict, decreased intimacy, or a sense of detachment within the relationship (Mark, Janssen, & Milhausen, 2011).
Impact on Relationship Dissolution…
Exit affairs often precede the dissolution of the current relationship. Research indicates that infidelity can be a significant predictor of divorce or separation, particularly when the affair is discovered by the betrayed partner (Amato & Previti, 2003).
Psychological Effects…
Both the individual engaging in the affair and their partner may experience psychological distress as a result of infidelity. Betrayed partners often report feelings of shock, anger, and betrayal, while partners who engage in the affair may experience guilt, shame, or regret (Whisman et al., 2007).
Psychological Underpinnings:
Exit affairs often stem from complex psychological dynamics within the individual and the relationship. Research in evolutionary psychology suggests that humans have evolved mechanisms for mate switching, which may manifest as infidelity when partners perceive better mating opportunities outside their current relationship (Buss & Schmitt, 2019).
Moreover, attachment theory posits that individuals with insecure attachment styles may be more prone to seeking emotional or sexual fulfillment outside their primary relationship as a means of meeting unmet needs for intimacy or security (Hazan & Shaver, 1987).
Impact on Identity and Self-Esteem:
Engaging in an exit affair can profoundly impact a human’s sense of self and identity.
Research indicates that infidelity can challenge one's self-concept and self-esteem, particularly if the individual experiences guilt or shame associated with the betrayal of their partner (Knopp et al., 2017).
Furthermore, the discovery of infidelity can trigger a process of identity reconstruction for both the individual and their partner as they navigate the implications of the breach of trust and the redefinition of the relationship.
Gender Dynamics and Power Imbalances:
The experience and consequences of exit affairs may vary based on gender dynamics and power imbalances within the relationship.
Research suggests that men and women may have different motivations for engaging in infidelity, with men more likely to seek sexual variety and women more likely to seek emotional connection outside their primary relationship (Treas & Giesen, 2000).
Moreover, power differentials within the relationship, such as financial dependence or unequal decision-making authority, can influence the likelihood of infidelity and the dynamics of relationship dissolution.
Cultural and societal norms play a significant role in shaping attitudes toward infidelity and relationship dissolution.
Research indicates that cultural factors, such as religiosity, social stigma, and legal frameworks governing divorce, can influence a decision to engage in infidelity or to stay in unsatisfying relationships (Fincham & May, 2017).
Additionally, societal narratives surrounding romantic love, monogamy, and commitment may contribute to unrealistic expectations within relationships and increase the likelihood of infidelity as a means of seeking fulfillment outside the relationship (Perel, 2017).
By examining these more profound layers of the phenomenon, researchers gain insight into the complex interplay of individual psychology, relational dynamics, and socio-cultural influences underlying exit affairs, enriching our understanding of infidelity and its implications for individuals and society.
Healing and recovery?
Couples therapy or individual counseling can be beneficial for couples navigating the aftermath of an affair. Research suggests that communication, trust-building, and conflict-resolution therapy can facilitate healing and promote relationship satisfaction (Atkins et al., 2001).
However, the cow has already left the barn in most exit affairs. By their very nature, they are fragile, fraught, and brief.
Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Afifi, W. A., & Falato, W. L. (2015). Infidelity in dating relationships. In The Wiley Handbook of Family Communication (pp. 293-308). Wiley-Blackwell.
Amato, P. R., & Previti, D. (2003). People’s reasons for divorcing: Gender, social class, the life course, and adjustment. Journal of Family Issues, 24(5), 602-626.
Atkins, D. C., Yi, J., Baucom, D. H., & Christensen, A. (2011). Infidelity in couples seeking marital therapy. Journal of Family Psychology, 25(2), 298-308.
Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. (2019). Strategies of human mating. In D. M. Buss & D. M. Schmitt (Eds.), Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind (6th ed., pp. 419-454). Routledge.
Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(3), 511-524.
Harris, V., & Howard, J. A. (2019). The impact of extramarital relationships on the construction of identity: A grounded theory approach. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 45(1), 44-57.
Knopp, K., Rhoades, G. K., Allen, E. S., & Stanley, S. M. (2017). How much is too much? Examining the role of guilt and shame in the association between infidelity and marital satisfaction. Journal of Family Psychology, 31(1), 117-122.
Lannutti, P. J., & Monachino, R. (2018). Infidelity. In The International Encyclopedia of Interpersonal Communication (pp. 1-9). Wiley-Blackwell.
Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. (2017). Infidelity in romantic relationships. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 70-74.
Perel, E. (2017). The state of affairs: Rethinking infidelity. HarperCollins
Mark, K. P., Janssen, E., & Milhausen, R. R. (2011). Infidelity in heterosexual couples: Demographic, interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extradyadic sex. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 40(5), 971-982.
Whisman, M. A., Dixon, A. E., & Johnson, B. (2007). Therapists’ perspectives of couple problems and treatment issues in couple therapy. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(2), 289-292.
