Micro-Commitments: It’s Not a Situationship If We Both Bought Milk!
Tuesday, April 29, 2025.
Forget soulmates.
Forget "Facebook official."
Forget putting a ring on it.
The new romantic currency?
Buying milk together.
Not because you're building a future.
But because, somehow, you both needed oat milk at the same time, and that felt... intimate.
What Are Micro-Commitments?
Micro-commitments are the modern answer to our cultural allergy to labels:
Small, repeated acts of loyalty that simulate relational depth — without triggering existential panic.
Micro-commitments are low-risk, low-cost behaviors that signal a willingness to share small aspects of life, without the explicit burden of long-term planning or social labeling.
Picking up groceries together
Dog-sitting for someone you aren't "exclusive" with
Adding each other to "close friends" on Instagram
Splitting a Costco membership
Each act says:
"I see you. I accommodate you. But don't ask me what we are."
In a word?
It's domestic cosplay.
Why Are Micro-Commitments Rising Now?
Micro-commitments aren't random. They're the predictable children of four overlapping trends:
The Rise of LAT (Living Apart Together) Relationships
Research shows a sharp increase in couples choosing to stay separate in residence even when emotionally bonded (Karlsson & Borell, 2002).
This isn’t just for old widowers anymore. Millennials and Gen Z have adapted LAT into something chicer — commitment without cohabitation.
In LAT light mode, micro-commitments flourish like mold in a damp bathroom.
Commitment Aversion in Late Capitalism
The economic precarity of younger generations (Pew Research Center, 2023) means that signing a lease together — or God forbid, buying property — feels like proposing marriage and filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.
Micro-commitments allow for gestures of care without catastrophic entanglement.
The Psychological Ambivalence of Choice Overload
Too many options have made people allergic to irreversible decisions (Iyengar & Lepper, 2000).
When you can swipe on 1,000 more people tomorrow, "locking in" feels insane.
Micro-commitments give the soothing illusion of relational momentum without foreclosure of future options.
Attachment Theory Meets Digital Exhaustion
As anxious and avoidant attachments duel in our bloodstreams (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007), micro-commitments provide a perfect truce:
I’m close, but not too close. I care, but not catastrophically.
Real-World Examples of Micro-Commitments
Scenario 1:
You’re not "dating," but he buys you a mechanical keyboard because you mentioned wrist strain once.Scenario 2:
You’re “just friends,” but you make a shared Google Calendar labeled "Our Vibes."Scenario 3:
Neither of you can define the relationship, but you Venmo each other for coffee runs like it's a joint checking account.
Every gesture is plausibly deniable.
Every intimacy is a Schrödinger's cat: real and unreal at once.
Contradictory Research: Is This Healthy or Delusional?
Some scholars argue that ambiguous relationship forms like micro-commitments can promote flexibility and creativity in intimacy (Jamieson, 1999).
Others warn that ambiguous attachment behaviors correlate with lower relationship satisfaction and higher psychological distress over time (Owen et al., 2014).
Translation:
You might think you're building a vibe.
You might actually be building an emotional sinkhole.
Especially for anxiously attached folks, micro-commitments can create false hope: each small ritual becomes a referendum on a relationship that was never officially ratified.
(See: Crying in the dairy aisle because he bought almond milk for someone else.)
The Meme-ification of Micro-Commitments
The internet, of course, understands the bittersweet absurdity:
"We’re not dating. We just share a WiFi password and an emotional codependency."
"If we’ve been buying toilet paper together for six months, that’s common law marriage."
"He said he didn’t want a relationship but we have a Costco card together. Who’s gonna tell him?"
In these memes, you hear the ache:
The longing for real belonging, staged inside the theater of plausible deniability.
Future Implications: The Rise of Relational Freelancing
If micro-commitments continue rising, will we see relationships fragment into modular units?
One person for errands?
One person for emotional check-ins?
One person for sex? Or several?
One person for family events?
Intimacy will become project-based — à la carte rather than prix fixe.
This will be thrilling for some.
Exhausting for others.
And terrifying for anyone whose attachment style dreams of "forever" without a subscription fee.
Micro-Commitments Are a Love Language — and a Warning
Micro-commitments are not evil.
They are a clever evolutionary response to a world where everything — mortgages, politics, even public health — feels unstable.
But if we are not careful, they can also become a way to simulate intimacy while avoiding the real (and necessary) terror of being truly known.
Because sometimes buying milk together isn't about the milk.
It’s about the impossible, blinding hope that someone might want to buy everything with you — without reading the fine print first.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Iyengar, S. S., & Lepper, M. R. (2000). When choice is demotivating: Can one desire too much of a good thing? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 79(6), 995–1006. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.79.6.995
Jamieson, L. (1999). Intimacy transformed? A critical look at the “pure relationship.” Sociology, 33(3), 477–494. https://doi.org/10.1177/S0038038599000310
Karlsson, S. G., & Borell, K. (2002). Intimacy and autonomy: Gender differences in living apart together relationships. Journal of Family Issues, 23(6), 671–686. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X02023006003
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change. Guilford Press.
Owen, J., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Fincham, F. D. (2014). “Hooking up” among college students: Demographic and psychosocial correlates. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 43(5), 999–1009. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-013-0232-4
Pew Research Center. (2023). Marriage and cohabitation in the U.S. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/10/24/marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/