He’s Not Controlling, He’s Just Reading Aquinas: The Trad Man Meme and the New Liturgical Masculinity
Tuesday, May 27, 2025.
He opens the door for her. He pays for dinner. He quotes Summa Theologica in casual conversation. She thinks: chivalry? Maybe. Patriarchy? Possibly. Internet Catholicism? Almost definitely.
Welcome to the meme-laced world of the Trad Man, where masculinity is rigid, reverent, and rigorously Latin-rite.
You may have met him online—or in person at the only coffee shop within walking distance of a Tridentine Mass.
But beneath the incense and Instagram filters, we find a real question worth asking:
Is this revival of traditional masculinity spiritual leadership… or emotional control dressed up in cassock cosplay?
What Is the Trad Man Meme?
The Trad Man is part of the same aesthetic theology that birthed Orthodoxcore and Catholiccore—an emerging reactionary-yet-ironic spiritual style popular among Gen Z. But where Orthodoxcore centers on modesty and mysticism, Trad Man memes are laced with barbell maxims, Aquinas aphorisms, and a brooding sense of spiritual warfare.
Viral Templates Include:
“Pray. Lift. Provide. Die tired.”
“If you don’t lead her spiritually, someone else will.”
“I bench press for the kingdom. You cry in therapy.”
“She needs a priest, a protector, and a provider—and you’re tweeting.”
These memes are funny, a little terrifying, and entirely sincere. They aren't about irony—they're about authority, order, and submission to divine hierarchy.
Liturgical Masculinity: Aesthetic or Ethic?
At first glance, the memes look like cosplay.
But the deeper current here is what some call liturgical masculinity—a blend of traditional Catholic theology, high ritual, and masculine virtue ethics, often rooted in Thomism and Benedictine ideals. It’s stoicism with a scapular.
Trad men aren’t just rejecting hookup culture—they’re rejecting modernity itself:
Careerism? Hollow.
Porn? Demonic.
Feminism? Unbiblical.
Emotional ambiguity? Weakness disguised as nuance.
In their defense, they seek not domination but cosmic alignment. They view their role not through Andrew Tate, but through St. Joseph and St. Maximilian Kolbe.
Where Does It Get Controlling?
It’s one thing to want spiritual leadership. It’s another to treat your girlfriend like a catechism student on probation.
“I’m not controlling,” one meme reads, “I’m just the head of the household. That’s biblical.”
“She’s not rebellious,” reads another, “She’s just emotionally undisciplined.”
These memes reflect the darker edge of the movement—spiritualized emotional control, often masked as virtue. A Trad Man may:
Define emotional boundaries as disobedience
Use scripture to invalidate dissent
Equate leadership with veto power in decisions
Expect instant forgiveness and emotional restraint from women while showing none himself
It’s not “abuse,” he insists. It’s orthodoxy.
A Therapist’s Take: The Shadow Side of Sacramental Swagger
As a couples therapist, I’ve seen both beauty and dysfunction in these dynamics. Here’s the nuance:
The problem isn’t masculinity. The problem is insecure masculinity acting like an absolute divine mandate.
Why the Meme Works: Meaning, Status, and Longing
So why do these ideas hit so hard?
Because they offer something men are dying for:
Clarity in a blurry world
A role that feels earned and noble
A counterculture identity that feels morally superior
They are also, undeniably, hilarious:
“I don’t yell. I assert my headship. And sometimes that sounds like yelling.”
Trad memes thrive because they create a brotherhood of shared frustration—about hookup culture, fatherlessness, and an emotionally porous culture that leaves them feeling hollow.
But the best ones also critique themselves:
“He doesn’t do conflict resolution, but he will lead the family rosary with unspoken rage.”
The Female Gaze: What Women Say About Dating a Trad Man
Let’s not ignore the women in this space. In meme comment sections, you’ll find:
Admiration: “Where are these men IRL???”
Wariness: “I dated one. He wanted to be my priest and my therapist.”
Irony: “He leads spiritually... until you disagree.”
In the healthiest dynamics, women describe their Trad partners as steadfast, prayerful, emotionally grounded, and capable of real vulnerability.
At their worst?
They describe what amounts to emotional authoritarianism with liturgical garnish.
Final Benediction: Lead If You Must, But Love First
There’s something deeply moving about the Trad Man meme when it’s sincere.
A man trying to love sacrificially, to lead spiritually, and to fight for fidelity in an era of chaos? That’s not toxic. That’s rare.
But when spiritual “headship” is used to control rather than protect, when theology replaces curiosity, and when masculinity becomes a meme instead of a living witness—something sacred gets lost.
Trad masculinity should be a chalice, not a sword.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES
Burton, T. I. (2022). Strange rites: New religions for a godless world. PublicAffairs.
Campbell, H. A. (2017). Digital religion: Understanding religious practice in digital media. Routledge.
Kassian, M. (2020). Biblical womanhood in the home. Crossway Books.
Pew Research Center. (2023). Religion among Gen Z: Beliefs, spirituality, and digital expression.https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/gen-z-report/