The Affair Is in the Break Room: Why Workplace Romances (and Affairs) Are Still Boiling Over

Friday, July 18, 2025.

As I mentioned in my last post, a CEO and his Chief People Officer were caught on the Coldplay kiss-cam, which is either ironic or poetic depending on how you feel about HR guidelines and "Viva La Vida."

We don’t yet know their full story — maybe they're in love, maybe it's new, maybe it's an affair, or maybe they're just very, very bad at hiding things in public.

But it’s sparked a national cringe — and conversation — about what happens when emotional intimacy, sexual chemistry, and professional ambition all show up wearing lanyards.

And let’s be honest: it happens more than anyone wants to admit. A lot more.

The Romance (and the Affair) Is Already Happening at Work

• According to a 2017 Stanford study, one in ten couples in the U.S. met at work.

• A Forbes survey found that 60% of workers have experienced a workplace romance.

That includes everything from flirty banter at the copier to full-blown affairs in Marriott conference rooms.

Marriage and family therapist Annie Wright says it’s common — too common.

“I’d be more surprised if someone didn’t bring up a workplace affair in therapy,” she told Business Insider. “It’s rarely about the affair itself. It’s about what that affair is waking up inside them.” Esther Perel was among the first to notice and write about it for a popular audience.

Which means the real story isn't always about secret texts or inappropriate calendar invites. It’s about self-reinvention, loneliness, and unmet needs that no team-building retreat can fix.

Work: The Modern-Day Tinder, With Keycards

The American workplace — whether in person, remote, or the messy hybrid in between — is a perfect petri dish for emotional entanglement.

Psychologist Vanessa Bohns of Cornell blames the “mere exposure effect” — the more we see someone, the more we like them. Add the “propinquity effect” (proximity breeds connection), and it’s no wonder people start fantasizing between meetings.

But there’s more.

Unlike dating apps, your coworkers already know your strengths, your stressors, your morning coffee order.

They’ve seen you under pressure, at your best, and maybe even crying in a stairwell.

That kind of unfiltered exposure? It builds intimacy — fast.

“Coworkers often provide emotional regulation, validation, even admiration,” Wright says. “Especially if you feel unseen at home, it's intoxicating.”

Affairs Aren’t Always About Sex — They’re About Life

• Wright sees a spike in workplace affairs in what she calls the “middle miles” of life — typically late 30s to early 50s.

This is when people hit what some call the normal marital hatred phase — a time when romance has been replaced by logistics. You and your spouse may still love each other, but these days you're more likely to coordinate dental appointments than passionate weekends away.

Enter: the colleague who looks at you like you’re interesting again.

"These affairs aren’t always about infidelity in the traditional sense," Wright says. "They’re about trying to find a lost part of yourself — the part that felt vital, spontaneous, and awake."

Workplace affairs are often “emotional first,” she says. You start talking. You get each other. You complain about your bosses. One glass of wine later, you’re sharing secrets. And soon enough, you’re staring down the existential question: Is this an affair… or is this who I’ve always been?

The Power Problem No One Wants to Talk About

Here’s the thing: love is messy, but power hierarchies are messier.

A relationship between two peers might still cause gossip and some eye-rolls, but when one person signs the other’s performance review?

That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen. Or at the very least, some furious side-eye from Accounting.

Trust me on this. In addition to being a Marriage and Family Therapist. I also have an MS in Labor studies, and I’m a published researcher in that field.

That’s why companies need policies that don’t just forbid romance — because that’s futile — but actually acknowledge the real risks.

Bohns argues that any relationship where there’s a power imbalance must be handled with full transparency. That means disclosure, documentation, and, ideally, someone else doing your performance review from now on.

Without that? It's not romance — it's risk management gone wrong.

If You're in One: What Now?

If you find yourself in the middle of an office affair — or on the emotional edge of one — Wright says the first thing to do is pause.

Not to shame yourself, but to ask the deeper question: What is this waking up in me?

Because if you're seeking novelty, excitement, or emotional connection outside your relationship, that may be a red flag — but it’s also an invitation. Not necessarily to pursue the affair. But to get curious about the life you’re living.

What’s missing? What’s broken? And what do you want to reclaim?

And if you’re single? Go ahead.

Date the cute person in product marketing.

But be clear, be open, and understand that if it ends badly, you’ll still have to see them every Monday at 9:00 a.m.

Why We Can’t Look Away

There’s a reason that Coldplay kiss-cam clip went viral.

It’s the same reason we binge Scandal, The Morning Show, and Mad Men.

Workplace romances and affairs disrupt the fantasy that work is sterile and controlled. They remind us that we are, despite all the spreadsheets and org charts, gloriously irrational.

As Wright puts it: “They’re acting out a part of us we wish we had the guts to live — or the wisdom to resist.”

And that’s why we stare. Not to judge. But to ask ourselves the unspoken question:

If I felt truly seen like that again… would I kiss back?

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.