For Richer or Poorer: Surprising Truths About Money, Marriage, and Gender Roles Over Time

Sunday, January 5, 2025.Revised Saturday, January 11, 2025 with KAM in mind, as we are winding down to the last final months. Yippee..

If love is a battlefield, money is the strategic map.

Long-term American marriages often juggle shifting roles, economic changes, and surprise curveballs (hello, 2008 recession!) that challenge how couples share financial responsibilities.

A fascinating new study published in Research in Social Stratification and Mobility peels back the curtain on financial dynamics in American marriages, revealing that money matters are more egalitarian—and complex—than we might think.

Who Earns What (And When): The Long View

Historically, as a culture, we’ve framed American marital finances through the lens of the classic “male breadwinner” model.

But this study takes a refreshing long-term perspective, analyzing decades of data from 5,354 heterosexual boomer couples in their first marriages.

Conducted by Allison Dunatchik of the University of South Carolina, the research found that gender-egalitarian earning patterns are not only more common than previously assumed but also incredibly varied.

The Key Findings: It's Not One-Size-Fits-All

Using data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth 1979, Dunatchik tracked marriage, employment, education, and earnings over 30 years. The findings paint a nuanced picture of how couples navigate financial dynamics:

• Dual-Earner Dynamos
  Roughly 50% of couples maintained a steady “dual-earner” pattern, with both spouses contributing consistently throughout their marriage. Unsurprisingly, this was most common among couples with higher education levels and incomes—aka, the wealthy, educated power couple next door.

• Jointly Mobile (or Jointly Stressed)
  About 6% of couples experienced “jointly mobile” patterns, where both partners’ earnings rose, fell, or fluctuated together. This often reflected external factors like market shifts or shared life changes. Picture synchronized swimmers—sometimes in calm waters, sometimes in a storm.

• Alternating Earners: The Tag-Team Approach
  Another 5% of couples alternated earning dominance. When one spouse’s income dipped, the other picked up the slack, showcasing a flexible, give-and-take model often rooted in mutual support.

  Highly educated, but indolent partners are a drag on long term financial security. These Tag-team couples never allow one partner to become overly stressed without the other stepping up to financially contribute.

• Traditional Models Persist
  While less common than expected, 34% of couples followed the classic American “male breadwinner” pattern, and just 5% had a “female breadwinner” framework. These patterns were often tied to socio-economic factors—lower-income couples leaned on tradition, while higher-earning wives broke the mold

Surprise! Women Are Holding Their Own

One of the study’s most surprising revelations was the financial resilience of these American women in long-term marriages.

Over half of the wives in the sample maintained high, stable earnings throughout their marriages, debunking stereotypes about career sacrifices post-wedding or post-baby. Most of the American wives in this study stepped up to relieve their husbands of excessive financial pressure.

Because, unfortunately, American boomer men, on the other hand, weren’t always the picture of stability.

While 77% of husbands had consistent earnings, nearly 25% experienced declines, late starts, or stress laden, volatile incomes. Who knew? Turns out, “bring home the bacon” for boomers wasn’t always a guarantee?

The Socio-Economic Lens: Stability vs. Instability

Dunatchik’s research highlights how socio-economic circumstances shape financial dynamics.

Couples with higher initial education and income levels were more likely to maintain steady dual-earner patterns.

However, sometimes a partner will abuse gender roles and “freeload” for years or even decades as a silent, passive aggressive protest over lingering resentments. I’ll be discussing that pattern in an upcoming post.

Meanwhile, less advantaged couples often faced financial instability, even when their earning patterns appeared egalitarian on paper.

This suggests that while financial equality is possible, it’s often easier for those with greater economic advantages, as long as there is no freeloading.

For lower-income couples, the path to equality can be rocky, marked by external pressures and fewer safety nets.

What It All Means for Modern Marriages

Dunatchik’s findings carry several important takeaways:

• Egalitarian Earning Patterns Are Rising: Over the long term, many couples adopt financial dynamics that challenge traditional gender roles.

• Equality Looks Different Across Income Levels: While dual-earner models are common, egalitarian patterns among lower-income couples often reflect financial precarity rather than stability.

• Instability Is the Real Culprit: As economic uncertainty grows, understanding how instability impacts relationships is crucial for supporting couples across all income levels. But destabilizing forces can also be internal if a partner mostly refuses to step up to help cook, clean, or earn.

What About Millennials and Gen Z?

The study focuses on Baby Boomer couples, which raises the question: How do these findings translate to younger generations?

Dunatchik acknowledges that changing labor markets, shifting gender norms, and evolving family structures could lead to new financial dynamics for Millennials and Gen Z. With the rise of remote work, gig economies, and higher student debt, today’s couples might face different challenges—and opportunities.

Final Thoughts: Sharing the Load, Sharing the Love

Money talks, and in marriage, it has a lot to say. This study reveals that while traditional gender roles still exist, they’re far from the only story.

Most couples are finding creative, cooperative ways to share financial responsibilities, whether through steady dual-earning, alternating support, or joint mobility. But if a relationship lacks mutuality and shared effort, it’s exploitative and destabilizing.

As Dunatchik wisely points out, “Beneath the surface, there’s far more diversity in how couples approach finances than we’ve given credit for.”

So, whether you’re the dual-earner dream team, the alternating tag-team champs, or navigating life’s ups and downs together, the essential sign of a healthy marriage is a history of ongoing mutual economic support—and maybe a shared Netflix password.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Dunatchik, A. (2024). His and hers earnings trajectories: Economic homogamy and long-term earnings inequality within and between different-sex couples. Research in Social Stratification and Mobility.

Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity: Unlocking erotic intelligence. HarperCollins.