Do Dark Personality Traits Predict Who’s Single—and Can Love Civilize the Dark Side?

Sunday, January 5, 2024.

Love. The eternal human quest for connection, meaning, and someone to argue with over what’s for dinner.

While love styles and personality quirks can make romance feel like a comedy of errors, new research reveals just how much our “dark side” might shape our relationship status—and whether love has the power to smooth those rough edges.

Published in Heliyon, the study explores the interplay between the so-called “Dark Triad” personality traits—Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy—and love styles, offering a fresh look at why some people are happily coupled while others thrive solo.

It also begs the question: can love, especially from women, civilize even the most rogue among us?

The Dark Triad: What’s Lurking in the Shadows?

Let’s meet the main characters of this love story:

• Machiavellianism: The puppeteer—manipulative, emotionally detached, and always scheming.

• Narcissism: The spotlight hog—self-absorbed, grandiose, and perpetually fishing for compliments.

• Psychopathy: The wild card—impulsive, reckless, and indifferent to others’ feelings.

These traits don’t scream “relationship goals,” yet they’re fascinatingly intertwined with how we approach love.

As study author Sara Veggi from the University of Turin explains, “Exploring how these traits influence relationship dynamics provides valuable insights into both typical and atypical patterns of human intimacy.”

Using survey data from 1,101 Italian adults—615 partnered and 486 single—Veggi and her colleagues found that partnered individuals consistently scored lower on these dark traits than their single counterparts.

Translation? If you’re manipulative, impulsive, or emotionally detached, you’re probably not on anyone’s wedding Pinterest board.

Love Styles: Passion vs. Pragmatism

Beyond personality, the study explored love styles—six distinct ways folks approach romance:

• Eros: Passionate, physical love rooted in attraction and intensity.

• Agape: Selfless, altruistic love that prioritizes the partner’s happiness.

• Ludus: Playful, game-like love with little interest in commitment.

• Mania: Obsessive, possessive love fueled by jealousy and drama.

• Pragma: Practical love based on rational compatibility.

• Storge: Friendship-based love grounded in mutual respect.

Partnered folks leaned into Eros and Agape, favoring passion and selflessness.

Singles, meanwhile, gravitated toward Ludus, Mania, and Pragma, suggesting a preference for playful or pragmatic approaches to love. These findings reflect not just personal preferences but the cultural values that shape our romantic ideals.

Cultural Narcissism: A Collective Dark Triad?

While individual narcissism is one thing, cultural narcissism might be an even bigger player in today’s relationship dynamics. In a world dominated by social media, self-promotion, and instant gratification, our collective obsession with image and validation could be undermining the vulnerability needed for lasting love.

Eros and Agape demand emotional risk—letting go of control, prioritizing someone else’s happiness, and committing to the long haul.

But in a culture that celebrates individualism and filters out imperfection, these love styles often feel like relics of another time.

Veggi’s research hints that cultural narcissism might nudge singles toward more playful and less committed love styles, aligning with the broader trend of treating relationships as casual and temporary.

Do Women Civilize Men?

And now, the million-dollar question: does love, particularly from women, “civilize” men?

Evolutionary psychologists argue that women have historically served as stabilizing forces, guiding men away from impulsivity and toward cooperation and long-term investment. Veggi’s findings offer some support for this idea.

Married or cohabiting men scored lower on all three Dark Triad traits, suggesting that partnership might temper traits like manipulation and detachment.

Interestingly, men exhibited a paradoxical mix of love styles: they were more likely than women to adopt Ludus (playful, noncommittal love) while also scoring higher on Agape (selfless, sacrificial love).

This duality suggests that relationships may nudge men toward greater emotional accountability, even if they start out more reluctant to commit.

Thought leader Richard Rohr calls relationships a "second initiation" for men, requiring them to confront their darker impulses and embrace vulnerability. Love, in this sense, doesn’t just civilize—it transforms.

What About Women?

While women are often framed as the emotional nurturers in relationships, Veggi’s findings suggest they bring their own intentionality to the table.

Partnered women were more likely to prioritize Eros and Agape, emphasizing passion and selflessness, while single women leaned into Pragma (practicality) and Storge (friendship-based love).

But let’s challenge the notion that women’s role in relationships is solely to “fix” men.

Cultural expectations that cast women as emotional caretakers can perpetuate unhealthy dynamics, where one partner takes on the burden of growth. The reality is that successful partnerships require mutual effort—and mutual transformation.

Dark Traits, Love, and the Bigger Picture

The interplay between dark traits and love styles isn’t just academic—it’s a mirror reflecting how we navigate modern relationships.

Veggi’s research suggests that personality traits and love attitudes don’t just influence who we date—they shape the kind of love we seek and sustain.

And while Dark Triad traits might make commitment harder, they’re not destiny.

Love styles like Eros and Agape offer hope, providing pathways to connection that transcend manipulation, narcissism, or impulsivity. In a world increasingly shaped by cultural narcissism, prioritizing passion and selflessness in love is a radical—and rewarding—act.

Lessons in Love: What We Can Learn

• Love Is Transformative. Relationships have the power to soften rough edges—but only when both partners are committed to growth.

• Culture Shapes Connection. In a society of selfies and filters, selfless love styles like Agape remind us to look outward instead of inward.

• Dark Traits Are Not Destiny. While the Dark Triad might complicate relationships, self-awareness and intentionality can help navigate these challenges.

Final Thoughts: Can Love Civilize Us?

Romantic relationships are more than companionship—they’re crucibles for transformation.

Whether you’re single, partnered, or somewhere in between, the key isn’t just finding love but cultivating the kind of love that challenges you to grow.

Love may not “fix” us, but it offers a mirror to both our light and shadow. And in that reflection lies the possibility for something truly transformative.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Benfante, A., Di Tella, M., Veggi, S., Freilone, F., Castelli, L., & Zara, G. (2025). Love actually: Is relationship status associated with dark triad personality traits and attitudes towards love? Heliyon.

Rohr, R. (2011). Falling upward: A spirituality for the two halves of life. Jossey-Bass.

Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity: Unlocking erotic intelligence. HarperCollins.

What’s your take? Do you believe love can “civilize” us, or is that just a romantic myth? Share your thoughts—and your own love style—in the comments!