Are personality traits more important than ever in intimate relationships? … probably not…
Friday, October 20, 2023.
Are people looking for specific personality traits in a potential partner more than looks or money?
Personal ads in Western nations show a sharp decline in the mention of economic factors between 1950 and 1995 when searching for a potential partner.
Certain personality traits have become more prominent in the search for a potential partner than the strength of their finances. This has been true in the United States, Canada and France since 1950, according to a recent economic study.
The conclusions, which they claim might hold true for other Western nations as well, came from a longitudinal analysis of the evolution of the content of lonely hearts ads.
The results showed a sharp decline in the mention of economic factors between 1950 and 1995 when searching for a potential partner.
However, the shift towards personality in dating preferences was not a universal truth…
Over the same period in India, economic factors remained important, even becoming more so in the period after 1970.
Gottman once said he was on a train reading Maslow, and threw the book out a window. That did not deter these fearless researchers from recruiting Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs to describe the findings.
Maslow’s theory is that humans must satisfy basic needs (such as food, water, clothing, and shelter) first before they are able to migrate upward to higher needs like love, esteem, and the crown jewel of achieving self-actualization.
Dr. Khushboo Surana, study co-author, said:
“The data we have found supports Maslow’s theory of the hierarchy of needs.
In this framework, material needs — i.e. financial factors — have to be satisfied before you can focus on the immaterial ones, such as personality traits.
It is possible that unlike in the west, people’s first order needs still haven’t been satisfied, which is why we see a focus on economic criteria.”
The ascent of the power of personality
For the study, the researchers put the language used in personal ads into four categories:
Financial.
Personality.
Physical.
Taste: things like hobbies or habits.
After 1950, women looking for men to date in Western countries showed less apparent concern for economic factors, with women only mentioning it 10% of the time. BTW, in personal ads by men they only mentioned 5% of the time by 1995.
However, In India, economic factors were mentioned 60% of the time by 1995, which was up significantly from only 35% in the 1970s.
Dr. Quentin Lippmann, study co-author, said:
“Our study shows personality becoming more and more important in western countries such as the United States, but we don’t see the same trend in India.
Once India’s economy develops further, and the current generation are more secure financially, they may show a change in preference for personality factors as well.
This would align them with the trends we see in the western countries we sampled.”
Lets get to the meat and taters of attraction; Youth, Hotness, and Kindness…
While I admire their approach for it’s novelty, this study probably shouldn’t be taken too seriously.
Economists sometimes miss a sh*tload of human nuance, because they tend not to be especially well read in the social sciences. I suspect that this is one of those times.
I think it’s kind of amusing to use Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs in this way. While this is a very creative study, the fact remains that “lonely hearts” ads only describe the socially acceptable aspirations that humans make in a public declaration.
In other words, researchers who study relationships already know that the content of a personal ad is typically insincere bullsh*t, as a rule.
Women still cloak themselves in the fiction that personality concerns are primary, but it just ain’t so.
Women often claim that they prefer specific personality traits, such as friendliness and respectfulness, but… research reveals it’s really pretty much mostly about looks and status.
Men tend to care most about how much younger a woman is… and that she is sufficiently attractive.
So here’s the reality. Both men and women place much more of an emphasis on appearance, with money and status not that far behind, particularly for women selecting men.
The truth of attraction…
The largest every survey of mate-preferences has revealed the characteristics that humans find both essential and desirable in a long-term union.
Here are some bitter truths from the findings:
92 % of men and 84% of women said that it was desirable or essential that their potential partner was good-looking.
80 % of men and 58% of women said a slender body was either preferable, or essential, and non-negotiable.
47% of men and 69% of women said that a potential partner making a lot of money was important to them.
Only around 40% of men and women, though, thought it was important that their partner was similar in physical attractiveness to themselves (because they think they deserve someone… hotter?). In our solipsistic age, that would be my guess.
The biggest gender differences were seen in the area of money and career
Twice as many women placed importance on a potential spouse’s successful career and earnings than did men. While men care more about having a successful partner than the Manosphere will admit, Men prefer good looks over a good education and career…
Dr. David Frederick, the study’s co-author, said:
“We’ve known for a long time that men care more about attractiveness in a long term partner, and women care more about resources.
In two national datasets, we found that gender was by far the strongest predictor of what people want in a long-term mate: it was more important than age, income, education, or confidence in appearance.
We found that although men have stronger preferences for a ‘good looking’ and ‘slender’ partner, men and women care equally about having a partner who is specifically attractive to them.
Wealthier men and people who were more confident in their appearance had stronger preferences for a good-looking partner, and older men and women placed less importance on looks and income traits when seeking a long-term partner.”
Among personality traits, though, it is kindness that is mentioned most frequently as the most desirable personality trait in a long term partner.
The problem with this study is that economists suck at understanding the messiness and contradictions of human desire. They seek to wrest order out of chaos. As much as we should value a good personality, Jim Morrison once said, “you can not petition the Lord with prayer.”
The entire premise of the study is highly moot, because humans often lie in personal ads about who they are, and what they’re looking for.
Economists like to pretend that we’re all putting ourselves out there in a rational fashion. It makes sense that they would resonate with a hierarchy of needs. Emotionally orderly humans? Nothing could be further from the truth.
I find it amusing… because it is so profoundly naive. Humans are not emotionally tidy.
I enjoy reading economic research, because sometimes they offer valuable insights. But, unfortunately, I don’t believe that this is one of those times.
Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.
RESEARCH:
Believe it or not, the personal ad research was presented at Royal Economics Society Annual 2023 Conference in Glasgow, Scotland. https://res.org.uk/event-listing/res-2023-annual-conference/ I predict this presentation will not age well.
Fales et al., 2015 M.R. Fales, D.A. Frederick, J.R. Garcia, K.A. Gildersleeve, M.G. Haselton, H.E. Fisher. Mating markets and bargaining hands: Mate preferences for attractiveness and resources in two national U.S. studies. Personality and Individual Differences, 88 (2015), pp. 78-87, 10.1016/j.paid.2015.08.041 View article Google Scholar
Fugère, M.A., Chabot, C., Doucette, K. et al. The Importance of Physical Attractiveness to the Mate Choices of Women and Their Mothers. Evolutionary Psychological Science 3, 243–252 (2017). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-017-0092-x
Thomas, AG, Jonason, PK, Blackburn, JD, et al. Mate preference priorities in the East and West: A cross-cultural test of the mate preference priority model. Journal of Personality. 2020; 88: 606–620. https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12514
