Understanding the "Switching" Phenomenon in Narcissists and Borderlines
Friday, October 11, 2024.
One of the most perplexing behaviors in folks with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD) is the rapid and unpredictable change in emotions, also known as "switching."
These sudden shifts often leave loved ones feeling confused and uncertain about the stability of their relationship.
"Switching" is tied to emotional dysregulation, a core feature of these disorders, and is closely related to the psychological mechanism of splitting.
In this post, we'll dive deep into the psychological and neurological underpinnings of "switching," discuss its connection to emotional regulation issues, and explore the scientific research that explains why these shifts occur.
By understanding this phenomenon, you can better navigate relationships with those who experience it.
What Is "Switching"? Defining the Phenomenon
"Switching" refers to the abrupt change in emotions or behaviors in folks with NPD or BPD. These switches are often triggered by feelings of rejection, perceived criticism, or fear of abandonment, and they can manifest as intense emotional responses that seem disproportionate to the situation.
For narcissists, switching may occur when their inflated self-esteem is challenged, leading to narcissistic rage or, conversely, a narcissistic collapse. For those with borderline personality disorder (BPD), switching often involves shifting between extreme idealization and devaluation of others, a behavior commonly referred to as splitting.
The Science of Splitting: Why It Happens in Borderline Personality Disorder
Splitting, as a psychological defense mechanism, plays a central role in BPD. According to object relations theory (Kernberg, 1967), people with BPD have difficulty integrating the positive and negative aspects of themselves and others.
This leads to seeing people as either "all good" or "all bad," with little room for nuance or gray areas.
Research suggests that this all-or-nothing thinking is rooted in early attachment disruptions (Fonagy et al., 2002).
Those with BPD often had inconsistent or neglectful caregivers during childhood, resulting in an inability to develop a stable sense of self or others. This inability to regulate emotions and maintain a balanced view of relationships causes them to "switch" between idealization and devaluation, particularly when they feel abandoned or rejected.
According to a study by Rosenthal et al. (2008), folks with BPD show heightened emotional reactivity and increased amygdala activation during perceived rejection, highlighting the neurological underpinnings of their intense emotional responses. This research suggests that their "switching" behavior is not just psychological but deeply tied to biological processes.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder: The Role of Ego Threat and Narcissistic Rage
In narcissistic personality disorder, the concept of switching often involves an emotional response to an ego threat—a situation in which the narcissist's grandiose self-image is challenged.
Narcissists tend to have an inflated sense of self-worth, which is easily destabilized. When they perceive criticism or failure, they may "switch" from a calm, charming demeanor to narcissistic rage or emotional withdrawal.
The theory of threatened egotism (Bushman & Baumeister, 1998) posits that narcissists' aggression often stems from threats to their inflated self-esteem. When their self-concept is challenged, they react with disproportionate anger or withdrawal to protect their fragile ego. This behavior reflects the vulnerable, or covert narcissism subtype, where folks experience a deep sense of inadequacy masked by resentful protests.
A more recent study by Weiss et al. (2019) suggests that narcissists also experience heightened activity in the brain’s reward circuitry, specifically the ventral striatum, during ego-boosting events. However, this same circuit can trigger feelings of profound inadequacy when their self-image is undermined, leading to rapid emotional shifts.
Emotional Dysregulation: The Key to Understanding Switching
At the heart of both NPD and BPD is emotional dysregulation, or the inability to manage emotional responses in a healthy, balanced way. This dysregulation is driven by hypersensitivity to rejection and criticism, as well as difficulty processing emotions.
Research by Linehan (1993), who developed dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for folks with BPD, suggests that their emotional dysregulation stems from a combination of biological vulnerabilities and environmental factors, particularly invalidating environments during childhood. DBT, now widely used, helps clients with BPD learn to regulate their emotions, tolerate distress, and improve interpersonal effectiveness.
In terms of neurological explanations, amygdala hyperactivity and reduced prefrontal cortex regulation are common in both BPD and NPD (Donegan et al., 2003; Schulze et al., 2013). The amygdala is responsible for processing emotions, while the prefrontal cortex helps regulate and control emotional impulses.
Dysfunction in this brain circuitry leads to overreactions to perceived threats, which explains the rapid emotional shifts or "switching" behavior.
Triggers of Switching: Common Causes of Emotional Fluctuations
Understanding what triggers switching can help loved ones avoid escalating emotional episodes. Some common triggers include:
Perceived Abandonment: For those with BPD, even minor changes in behavior from a partner or friend can be interpreted as rejection or abandonment, triggering emotional extremes (Gunderson & Lyons-Ruth, 2008).
Criticism: Narcissists are hypersensitive to criticism, even when it’s mild or constructive. Any perceived slight can result in narcissistic rage or withdrawal as a defense against ego injury (Morf & Rhodewalt, 2001).
Fear of Rejection: Both disorders are marked by an intense fear of rejection. In NPD, this often manifests as a need for constant validation, while in BPD, it results in fear-driven emotional outbursts (Westen et al., 2006).
Navigating Relationships with Someone Who Switches
If you are close to someone with NPD or BPD, it’s essential to understand the root causes of their behavior and set clear boundaries. While empathy and understanding are important, maintaining your own emotional well-being is equally crucial. Therapy can help both the individual experiencing switching and their loved ones.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) have proven effective in helping folks with NPD and BPD develop healthier emotional regulation strategies. DBT focuses on helping people tolerate emotional distress and build mindfulness, while CBT challenges the distorted thought patterns driving narcissistic behaviors (Beck et al., 2013).
Balancing Empathy with Boundaries
"Switching" is a behavior tied to deep-rooted emotional and psychological patterns, but it is not insurmountable.
Understanding the neurological and psychological underpinnings of NPD and BPD, particularly the role of splitting and emotional dysregulation, allows for greater compassion while maintaining healthy boundaries.
As a loved one, your support can be invaluable, but professional treatment is essential for those struggling with these disorders.
With appropriate therapy, many people can learn to manage their emotions more effectively, reducing the frequency and intensity of switching episodes, and ultimately fostering healthier relationships.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
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