Reunification Therapy: A Court-Ordered Family Reunion, or a Kafkaesque Nightmare?

Sunday, February 9, 2025. This is for Harry B, my 12 noon client on Saturdays.

Imagine, if you will, that you are ten years old. Your parents hate each other.

You, by virtue of existing, are collateral damage.

A judge—a man who has never met you but has a desk covered in papers with your name scrawled on them—decides that you will sit in a room with the parent you do not wish to see.

Maybe they left. Maybe they screamed.

Maybe they were terrifying in that quiet way, where love turned into something unrecognizable. No matter. The legal system has a gavel, and that gavel declares: reunification therapy.

What is Reunification Therapy?

Reunification therapy is, in theory, a well-intentioned effort to mend the relationship between an estranged parent and child.

It is also, in practice, an often chaotic, ethically dubious experiment in emotional alchemy. I’ve seen courts wield it like a hammer, assuming every problem is a nail, regardless of whether that problem is, in fact, generational trauma.

The goal? Get the kid and the absent parent back together, armed with therapeutic mediation and a mountain of unresolved pain (Fidler & Bala, 2020).

The Controversy: Forced Hugs and Emotional Landmines

One might think that therapy is best when all parties arrive voluntarily, eager to heal.

Not here.

This is the court-mandated variety, where children are expected to move from fear and resentment to warmth and affection because a therapist in a beige office tells them to.

If they resist, they are labeled “alienated.” The parent they avoid is suddenly the victim. Their autonomy is secondary to the script they are expected to follow.

Research suggests that children subjected to family reunification therapy without their consent often experience heightened anxiety, depression, and a deeper mistrust of authority figures (Johnston, Walters, & Olesen, 2005). But hey, at least someone’s making money.

The Dangers of Reunification Therapy

• Trauma Repackaged as Healing: If the estranged parent was abusive, forcing a child into reunification therapy can reintroduce them to a harmful environment. This is called retraumatization. It is very real, and very much ignored in some courtrooms (Meier, 2020).

• Misuse in Legal Battles: Some parents use reunification therapy as a legal cudgel. Claim alienation, get the therapy ordered, force the child into compliance, and—presto!—look like the reasonable one in court. Meanwhile, the kid is stuck in a therapy session they did not consent to, rehashing things they never wanted to rehash (Bernet et al., 2010).

• One Size Fits None: Unlike other therapeutic models, reunification therapy lacks a universal standard of practice. Some therapists approach it with care and nuance. Others see a paycheck. The child sees another obligation they cannot refuse. The results vary wildly (Fidler & Bala, 2020).

Does Reunification Therapy Work?

The success rate for Reunification Therapy is quite unpredictable, sorta like trying to get a cat to wear a hat.

Some kids do reconnect with estranged parents and go on to build stable relationships.

Others leave therapy more alienated than when they started. Research suggests that children who feel forced into family reunification therapy tend to grow more resentful, not less (Warshak, 2010). Shocking, isn’t it?

The Takeaway: The Thin Line Between Healing and Harm

In an ideal world, reunification therapy would be a delicate, compassionate process, helping children and parents rebuild fractured bonds without coercion.

In reality, it is often a bureaucratic bludgeon wielded with little regard for nuance.

Therapy should be about healing, not compliance.

And yet, here we are, forcing kids into rooms with people they have spent years trying to avoid, and calling it progress. This is why I appreciate my role in public health. It’s quite humbling because there is so much to learn.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Bernet, W., von Boch-Galhau, W., Baker, A. J. L., & Morrison, S. L. (2010). Parental alienation, DSM-5, and ICD-11. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 38(2), 76-187.

Fidler, B. J., & Bala, N. (2020). Children resisting postseparation contact with a parent: Concepts, controversies, and conundrums. Family Court Review, 58(1), 24-41.

Johnston, J. R., Walters, M. G., & Olesen, N. W. (2005). Is it parental alienation syndrome or just divorce-related hostility? Journal of Child Custody, 2(3), 57-75.

Meier, J. S. (2020). U.S. child custody outcomes in cases involving parental alienation and abuse allegations: What do the data show? Journal of Social Welfare and Family Law, 42(1), 92-105.

Warshak, R. A. (2010). Divorce poison: How to protect your family from bad-mouthing and brainwashing. HarperCollins.