Divorce Regret and Remarriage: Love's Glorious Boomerang
Sunday February 9, 2025.
In the grand cosmic sitcom that is human love, few plot twists are as deliciously absurd as divorce regret and remarriage.
Imagine this: after braving the bureaucratic Mount Doom of divorce—dividing the assets, explaining to Aunt Mildred that no, he didn’t cheat, you just couldn’t stand the way he chewed—some couples, like prodigal lovers, come marching back to the altar for a second go.
Is it romance? Is it Stockholm Syndrome? Let’s dive into this.
The Regret: A Universal Human Pastime
Humans are world-class regrettologists. We regret cutting bangs in a moment of crisis, we regret texting our ex at 2 a.m., and we most certainly regret thinking marriage was a permanent state of bliss.
In a study by Hetherington and Kelly (2002), around 50% of divorced partners reported second thoughts, with some even expressing nostalgia for their ex-spouses.
Apparently, the horrors of singlehood—frozen Trader Joe’s meals, the existential void of online dating, the realization that no one else laughs at your weird jokes—can make a former spouse look mighty appealing.
Why the U-Turn?
Why do some couples, after filing the paperwork, spending thousands on attorneys, and perhaps even dating other people, decide to remarry the very person they fled from?
The Grass Wasn’t Greener: The dream of post-divorce freedom—picking dinner without compromise, no in-laws, the illusion of romantic possibilities—can turn into an existential wasteland of awkward Tinder encounters and solo trips to Costco.
The ‘Oh, It Was Me’ Moment: Sometimes, in the heat of blame and legal fees, we forget that relationships are mirrors. It turns out, the real enemy wasn’t your spouse’s refusal to load the dishwasher correctly—it was your inability to communicate without sarcasm. Research shows that those who engage in self-reflection post-divorce are more likely to reconcile (Amato, 2010).
The Softening of Time: Time does a funny thing to memory; it files down the rough edges and leaves the good stuff. The fights over money? Fuzzy. That one trip to Italy where you ate gelato in the rain? Crystal clear. Nostalgia has a way of seducing us back into old patterns.
The Kids Are Not Alright: Many remarried couples cite co-parenting as a major factor. Single parenting can be a gladiator sport, and if the co-parenting dynamic was strong, some realize they were better together.
Research suggests that children of reconciled parents show better emotional adjustment than those with permanently separated ones (Kelly & Emery, 2003).
The Second Marriage, Same Partner: Now With Updates!
Remarrying an ex isn’t just about reactivating an old subscription; it’s about upgrading to a new version. Ideally, round two includes:
Therapy, or at Least a Good Long Talk: If the issues that led to divorce aren’t addressed, history will repeat itself—this time with an even higher divorce rate. A study found that second marriages are at greater risk of divorce than first marriages (Cherlin, 2009), so couples need to do some serious soul-searching before signing up again.
Adjusting Expectations: The fairy tale is over; the real work begins. Love isn’t about fireworks—it’s about choosing the same person, over and over, despite the fact that they still leave socks everywhere.
Relearning Intimacy: The emotional walls built post-divorce need to come down. This means genuine apologies, new ways of expressing affection, and perhaps actually listening to each other this time.
A Love Story, Or A Loop?
So, is remarrying an ex a sign of true love, or just evidence that humans are hopelessly bad at making decisions?
Perhaps both.
Maybe the lesson here is that relationships, like the people in them, are messy, ridiculous, and sometimes worth another shot.
Love, after all, is not a straight line—it’s a boomerang. And sometimes, if you’re lucky, it comes back to you.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on divorce: Continuing trends and new developments. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(3), 650-666.
Cherlin, A. J. (2009). The marriage-go-round: The state of marriage and the family in America today. Knopf.
Hetherington, E. M., & Kelly, J. (2002). For better or for worse: Divorce reconsidered. W. W. Norton & Company.
Kelly, J. B., & Emery, R. E. (2003). Children's adjustment following divorce: Risk and resilience perspectives. Family Relations, 52(4), 352-362.