How Often Should Couples Revisit Therapy After the First Year?
Thursday, February 13, 2025. This is for my Godfather, the late Chuck Bruder, who regularly sang the praises of preventative maintenance.
Surviving a year of science-based couples therapy deserves a trophy—or at least fewer arguments about who loads the dishwasher wrong.
But here’s the real question: How often should you return for a tune-up? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but research offers some solid guardrails.
Think of couples therapy like car maintenance—ignore it, and you’ll be on the side of the Emotional Breakdown Highway.
According to Doss et al. (2020), couples who had regular check-ins were 40% less likely to hit crisis mode.
Meanwhile, Stanley et al. (2021) found that annual sessions work like relationship physicals—preventative, not reactive.
When You Should Rush Back Immediately:
The Greatest Hits of Conflict on Repeat: Gottman & Silver (2015) note that repetitive arguments signal gridlock, not growth.
Silence, but Not the Peaceful Kind: Levenson et al. (2020) found that stonewalling is a marriage killer—worse than screaming.
Life Tossed a Grenade: Neff & Karney (2017) report that major life transitions (hello, newborn!) spike relational stress.
Routine Maintenance Schedule (Yes, Even If You Think You're Fine):
Every 3–4 months: Halford & Bodenmann (2018) found that quarterly check-ins help catch small issues before they become divorce material.
Annually: Snyder et al. (2018) liken yearly visits to flu shots for your relationship—quick, protective, and no side effects (other than maybe a little discomfort).
What Actually Happens in These Tune-Ups:
Hunt for Resentment Dust Bunnies: Chronic resentment, says Levenson & Gottman (1983), is a silent killer—like carbon monoxide for relationships.
Celebrate the Wins: Fredrickson (2001) found that positive reinforcement keeps good habits alive longer than guilt ever will.
Recalibrate Your Toolkit: Couples who practice soft start-ups, according to Gottman et al. (2019), fight less and flirt more.
Preventive therapy boosts relationship resilience and reduces the odds of becoming another divorce statistic (Markman et al., 2013). Plus, it’s cheaper than couples court.
Final Thoughts
The best aftercare for intensive couples therapy is science-based.
Regular science-based couples therapy therapy isn’t waving a white flag—it’s actually a love language for many couples.
As Gottman (2015) reminds us, “Small things, often.”
So, go forth. Schedule that session. Because love, like anything worth having, requires occasional preventative maintenance.
Trust the science. You got this.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Doss, B. D., et al. (2020). The efficacy of relationship checkups: Long-term effects on marital satisfaction. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 88(3), 277–289.
Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology. American Psychologist, 56(3), 218–226.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony.
Gottman, J. M., et al. (2019). The science of couples and family therapy: Behind the scenes at the love lab. W. W. Norton & Company.
Halford, W. K., & Bodenmann, G. (2018). Couples therapy: Research-based practices.
American Psychological Association.Levenson, R. W., & Gottman, J. M. (1983). Marital interaction: Physiological linkage and affective exchange. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 45(3), 587–597.
Levenson, R. W., et al. (2020). The impact of emotional withdrawal on relationships. Journal of Family Psychology, 34(2), 210–219.Markman, H. J., et al. (2013). Preventing marital distress through communication training: A 30-year follow-up. Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy, 39(4), 507–517.Neff,
L. A., & Karney, B. R. (2017). Stress and reactivity in relationships: Implications for stability and change. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 131–135.Stanley, S. M., et al. (2021). Maintenance and improvement strategies in committed relationships. Journal of Family Psychology, 35(4), 519–529.Snyder, D. K., et al. (2018). Couple-based interventions for military and veteran families: A practitioner’s guide. Oxford University Press.